


Sweet Endeavors With A Bitter Aftertaste

by yugyeomie



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Affairs, Angst, F/M, Lolita, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugyeomie/pseuds/yugyeomie
Summary: jinyoung has the perfect life. he is engaged to his beautiful fiancé jisoo, has a great job as a doctor, and lives in the wealthiest neighborhood in florida. plus, he is going to be a dad in a matter of months, what else could he need? jinyoung is perfectly fine.that is until a younger boy who goes by the name of yugyeom comes into the picture.yugyeom hasn’t got the perfect life, but he makes it worth while. he makes every second count and doesn’t care what others think of him anymore. optimism is his best friend.spontaneous at heart with a love for lollipops, yugyeom crashes into jinyoung’s life like the sweetest bomb. it tics and tics but jinyoung is fine really, just fine. the question is; can being fine stop the inevitable destruction?





	1. Chapter 1

_the torpid bird in me weeps_

_clouds keeping me safe,_ _trapped_

 _but it’s alright they whispered,_ _you’ll be fine_

 

Another car honks in the distance, the bright red and white lights dotting Jinyoung’s strained vision. He knew he shouldn’t have hit that tempting snooze button this morning, but it was just so cold. And his bed was just so warm, especially with Jisoo snuggled up beside him. It was just too good to resist.

But now he guesses he is paying the price, because rush hour is really kicking his ass. Waking up 13 minutes late wasn’t ideal. Getting ready in 5 wasn’t fun either, almost tripping down the stairs while scurrying out the door. He kind of envies Jisoo at the moment, she was all groggy eyed and wrapped like a burrito under their duvet when he left for work. And it’s a tad annoying because they work at the same place, same hospital. The only difference is that Jisoo is scheduled to go in later than Jinyoung, to which is understandable. But he can never stay mad at her, and it has always been like this too.

The two met at college, the library to be precise. Jinyoung had just finished taking his well-needed break and started to walk out of the maze of books when it happened. So engrossed in his hard-covered novel, the world around him got blurry and all he saw were words upon words upon words until they suddenly disappeared. More so, the book slipped from his grasp and landed directly in front of a pair of black dolly shoes. The owner of those shoes picked up the sprawled out book, Jinyoung’s gaze following his precious item until he met with the face of a pretty girl. A pretty smile with a pretty voice to match, Jisoo waved off his hurried apologies with reassuring statements. They didn’t interact with each other for a while after that encounter, until the world decided that they had to. Being in the same anatomy class meant that they had to at least know each other.

“Exchange emails with at least three students in this class, go on and get familiar with each other!” Was what their professor had said.

And since Jisoo was the only familiar face he saw, besides his best friend Mark, he thought why the hell not.

Emails went from texts pretty quickly, and soon enough the texts became friendly outings. Dates came next, and you can guess what happened after that. Because here they are, still together but with different labels on each other now. Four years of dating was an adventure. Of course it had it’s blissful ups and terrible downs, but sealing the deal with a ring was the best thing Jinyoung thinks he has ever done. She keeps Jinyoung grounded, keeps him occupied and feeds him a bunch of facts he never get’s tired of learning from. It’s like she’s this machine full of knowledge, seems boring to most but that’s the trait Jinyoung finds most attractive. Jisoo is unbelievably sweet and beautiful too, which just makes the older man smile at her with tender eyes. He really does love her.

Jinyoung smiles unconsciously at the thought of their future family.

Jisoo isn’t due until next year February, but it feels like an eternity away for her fiancé. He still can’t wrap his head around him being a father soon, a fucking father. Jinyoung is going to be a father at the age of 28 by the time the little squirt is born. How crazy is that? And oh how he is itching to know the gender of their baby, ever since she announced her pregnancy really. But Jisoo decided to keep it a surprise until the baby is actually born, much to Jinyoung’s disappointment.

Sighing, Jinyoung rolls up the windows of his matte white Porsche Panamera, Florida’s humidity getting unbearable. Moving at 20mph rather than inch by inch now, he swiftly turns on the air conditioner without taking his eyes off the road. The highway doesn’t look as congested as it did thirty minutes ago, so hopefully he will be able to get to work only a couple minutes late.

 

…

 

“Can you please toss me a pen?”

With a firm nod, Yoon Sanha stretches his right arm, reaching the assorted pens and pencils without a problem. Jinyoung hears the pens click and clack against each other before there’s a pink pen in front of the bundle of paperwork he needs to fill out. With a raised eyebrow, Jinyoung gives him a questioning look.

“What? Pink is my favorite color.” Sanha smiles, leaving Jinyoung to shyly smile to himself.

Working with the youngster under his wing really is interesting sometimes. He asks a lot of questions, but that’s what he’s supposed to do since he is a new employee in training. This hospital is one of the most prestigious hospitals in all of Florida, always taking in workers with great potential. It has excellent quality care, and it’s all thanks to the brave doctors who always put their patient’s health first. So when employing new surgeons, they are required to do a year of special training with an existing surgeon in the same field. So it was obvious that Jinyoung was qualified to train Sanha, they’re both orthopedic surgeons.

He could get a bit annoying at times, but Jinyoung likes the 22-year-old kid so it’s okay. It could’ve been worse.

“So it’s that time of year again where a bunch of teens sprain or fracture bones, this paperwork contains all of our potential patient’s information.” Jinyoung clicks the pink pen and starts to write the names with corresponding date of births of said patients on a yellow post-it note. It’ll be much easier and faster for Sanha to do what he needs to do if the names are in alphabetical order.

“That many?” Checking if he misspelled some young girl’s name, Jinyoung hums at Sanha’s surprised comment.

“Yeah, it can get a bit hectic around the summer.” Looking up, he sees the younger boy mouth a small ‘wow’, still staring at the small bundle of forms.

“Now what I want you to do is to check the filing cabinets and see if you can find any of these patient’s medical records. We can’t fill out these forms without them.” Lips in a thin line, Jinyoung takes a few minutes to finish the important list. He needs to make sure he got nothing wrong or else it will majorly screw up any future appointments. These are lives he is dealing with.

Thankfully Sanha understands, sitting in the comfy padded navy chair in silence, waiting for Jinyoung for further instructions.

“Here,” Handing Sanha three sticky notes, he continues. “I have to go talk with Nayeon about a patient’s diagnosis, so I’ll be back soon.” He hands the pink pen back to Sanha just in case he needs it, and fixes his tie.

“Alright, see you soon sir. I promise to do my best.” The brunette examines the sticky note, scrunching his eyes at all of the hand written names. Standing up, Jinyoung smiles at the youngster and makes sure not to leave without saying a quick ‘thank you’.

 

…

 

Today isn’t a busy day so far for Jinyoung. Yeah he and Sanha had to fill out all of those forms, and yeah he might have had 2 appointments to attend. But overall today isn’t as bad as most days, which he is thankful for. Working with a headache isn’t fun at all, especially if the pills he took only calmed it down by only fifty percent. Jinyoung supposes food will help him feel better.

Shooting Jisoo a quick text; telling her to meet him at the Doctor’s Lounge, Jinyoung grabs his lunch from the silver mini-fridge and makes his way down to the lounge. As he walks through the familiar halls, he notices his friend Hyungwon, one of the Radiologists that work in this hospital. Hyungwon is talking on the phone to someone, so Jinyoung decides to stop and stand a few feet away from him, not wanting to eavesdrop on his conversation. He’ll just wait for his friend to finish so he can invite him to hang out at the lounge.

Back then Hyungwon and Jinyoung were just co-workers, nothing more really. But since they happened to bump into each other a lot, Hyungwon made it his goal to befriend Jinyoung. A cup of coffee later, both men realized they had a lot in common. Reading a book while you’re tucked in bed is one of the things they seem to love, plus learning new languages always keeps their minds fed. And well, now they have this nice friendship going. They even had a double date with their partners, that being the night Jinyoung finally met Hyungwon’s girlfriend Zendaya. He learned that they met in high school, Hyungwon crushing on the girl ever since he laid eyes on her. Zendaya only thought of him as a friend, but that all changed when Hyungwon asked if she would go to prom with him. That night he confessed to her and she realized that she had feelings for him. They’ve been dating ever since, true high school sweethearts. Jinyoung understands his tall friend though, Zendaya is a beautiful woman with a sense of humor that makes you choke on your own spit. He is glad the couple get along so well.

The double date was fun, he hopes they get to do that soon again.

With a slap on the back, Jinyoung is brought back to earth with Hyungwon’s warm eyes.

“Hey, sorry I took so long, what’s up?” His friend asks, leaving Jinyoung to nod his head dismissively because Hyungwon apologizes for ridiculous things sometimes.

“No don’t be sorry, I was just going to ask if you wanted to come hang at the lounge. I’m meeting Jisoo in there for lunch.” He smiles, hoping the black haired man isn’t busy doing something.

Hyungwon twists his lips, his eyes looking up at the ceiling as if his schedule was up there and he was checking it. A few hums later Hyungwon takes up the invitation. Both men talk books as they start making their way to the lounge, mystery novels seeming to be the theme for today. Once they are under the sign that indicates that the door in front of them leads to the Doctor’s Lounge, Hyungwon holds the door open for Jinyoung. He bows down politely, a Korean gesture he got in the habit of doing ever since he was four, and steps inside the pleasant room. The smell of tomato soup hits Jinyoung, which means that his fiancé is already here. Turning to his left, Jinyoung walks to the dining area of this big room and weaves through some tables and chairs to get to Jisoo. And there he sees her, taking a bite of the garlic bread she has gripped in her right hand eagerly. She looks up at Jinyoung as he sits down next to her, a guilty expression on her face. Hyungwon sits across from them a few moments later due to him getting his lunch out of the fridge this room provides.

“Mmff---Sorry I couldn’t wait, I’m starving.” Jisoo swallows her food before stating this to them, both men waving her off with easy smiles.

“Honey you’re pregnant, we understand. Eat your little heart out.” Jinyoung looks at her with love in his eyes, then lets his eyes travel down to her pudgy belly. She told him about six days ago that people who don’t know her probably just assume she’s fat because of her small baby bump. But Jinyoung thinks she is beautiful, that small baby bump has their small baby inside of it. Jisoo is carrying their baby in there and he couldn’t feel more grateful.

Giving her forehead a chaste kiss, Jinyoung rubs her back and goes to unwrap his chicken sandwich after he gets comfortable.

 

…

 

Driving back home always takes longer than it’s supposed to. On good days, when Jinyoung’s car isn’t drowning in traffic, he gets home in 30 minutes. On normal days, he gets home in 45 minutes. But on bad days, like today, he will be getting home in at least an hour.

Jinyoung groans as he changes the channel on his radio, not wanting to hear the same Taylor Swift song for the 5th time during this car ride. Surfing the stations, Jinyoung settles for a classic Bon Jovi song over The Chainsmokers. He prefers classic rock anyways. Jisoo on the other hand loves the new pop songs, she can even sing along to mostly all of them. And this is one of the things they don’t have in common, but it’s a minor thing really. Not everyone is going to like the same music, and that’s okay.

It’s the major things that make Jinyoung’s heart crack every time it’s brought up.

He has always wanted to travel the world, ever since he 5 years old. His uncle Eunwoo would always bring him souvenirs from whatever country he went to. Eunwoo’s stories were Jinyoung’s favorite though, the small boy looking up to his uncle with admiration in his eyes. He would talk about the different people he encountered, all of the different books he bought in a variety of languages, and how unique the country he went to was. He even showed young Jinyoung the pictures he took from his adventures, the crisp camera quality leaving Jinyoung in awe. Just by looking at his uncle’s photography he felt as if he was in that foreign country.

Eunwoo no longer travels, and that’s simply because he has traveled to all the countries he had on his bucket list. He has seen and experienced so much, it’s quite astonishing to Jinyoung. His uncle even met his husband in one of his travels, in Italy. Jinyoung remembers that story very well, it was the first time he was exposed to the LGBTQ+ community. He asked so many questions about Eunwoo and Moonbin, it’s kind of embarrassing to think about it now. But his uncle told him that they met in a café, Moonbin was the barista and Eunwoo was the costumer that couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. Moonbin spoke a little bit of English and was fluent in Korean, but his native tongue was Italian. Jinyoung’s uncle said that he wrote Moonbin a poem that included his name and number at the bottom, then gave it to him before he left the café. Now they are both living in a small rural town in North France, Eunwoo sending Jinyoung postcards whenever he gets the chance to.

Jinyoung is happy for his uncles. They are living their life to the fullest, and that’s something Jinyoung yearns for but he knows he can’t have. He wishes he could just pack his bags and travel the world with Jisoo, but she hates airplanes. She can’t get on one for the life of her, and he’s seen that first hand. Before he knew about her phobia, Jinyoung bought them both tickets to go to New York as an anniversary gift. He was so excited for their surprise trip, he planned where they would stay and what places they would visit. But as it turns out, she turned the whole trip down with a teary expression.

_“I’m so sorry baby, I should have told you earlier.”_

Jinyoung’s dreams of traveling the world with someone he loves were shattered that day.

He knows he can still travel the world alone, but his fiancé wouldn’t like it. She has expressed how lonely she would feel if he just packed his bags and traveled, how sad she would feel. And he has to respect her feelings, Jisoo’s feelings always comes first. Jinyoung is very loyal to her.

His depression however doesn’t care about his feelings. It makes waking up everyday like a task, a routine he has to do to keep on living. But living like this feels bland, the colorful walls of his mind slowly losing saturation. This isn’t living in Jinyoung’s eyes. Don’t get him wrong, he loves his professional career, enjoys his job more than anything. It’s the fact that his adventurous side is starving, his creative side, that’s nailing his coffin door shut. He wants to experience life in a whole new perspective and write poems about those experiences. He wants to taste different types of food, meet different people, learn different languages. He want’s a change, not the same boring 9 to 5 routine. He wants a different life.

Jinyoung feels stuck, feels like he is meant for more than being a prestigious orthopedic surgeon. He wants to live life to the fullest like his uncle did. He wants to truly be happy.

This is why Eunwoo is Jinyoung’s biggest inspiration, because his uncle is living the life Jinyoung desperately dreams of living.

Without realizing it, Jinyoung is driving down his home’s street. It’s like his mind went on autopilot, muscle memory working at it’s finest. Forcing himself to concentrate better, Jinyoung makes a right and drives onto his driveway, pretty palm trees surrounding his large 2-story house. The car drives for a couple of more feet before it comes to a full stop, the wide pathway to Jinyoung’s house on his left. Sighing, the black haired man steps out of the car in an exhausted heap, making sure to lock the car twice. The trimmed hedges surrounding the palm trees on his large property glow bright green under the sunlight, making his home look worth a million bucks. It technically was, but the greenery just makes everything look better. The stone pathway that leads to his house is a rich caramel color, which compliments the white and beige walls of his home. The roof is a red tan color, a classic here in Florida. His neighborhood is one of the wealthiest ones in Florida, so almost every house here has vast property. Jinyoung walks for about a minute before he reaches his big front door, double doors. Opening it, the man grunts as he shuts it, not in the mood for anything right now. Taking off his shoes and putting it in the shoe closet to his right, Jinyoung stands still to look up at his big living room. The white curtains drawn on each side of the window are letting sunlight ooze inside, casting a golden glow on everything in the room. He takes in everything, the picture frames, some of him and Jisoo, on the walls. The very comfortable orange couches surrounding the glass coffee table in the middle. The plants, two big ficus trees on either side of the tall window and some small succulents on counter tops here and there. The expensive 70 inch flat screen TV hanging on the wall. Jinyoung really has it all, and yet he still feels empty.

Scowling to himself, Jinyoung drags his feet up the half spiral stairs up to the second floor, going straight into their shared bedroom. He quickly changes into his loose pajamas and shoves himself under the covers, his heart feeling like jelly. He feels hopeless, he feels like crying. But he doesn’t because he is just too exhausted for that. So instead he goes to sleep, trying to get rid of the dangerous thoughts that bang in his head like a drum. He might as well call it an early night, not really in the mood to do anything besides lay down and forget. Jisoo doesn’t come home until nine, so she won’t suspect anything is wrong with Jinyoung since it will be nighttime.

Closing his eyes, Jinyoung dreams about pastel colored clouds and stamps from foreign countries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this is the first fanfic i've ever written and posted on here so i would REALLY appreciate some feedback. kudos and comments are welcomed with opened arms! also i wanted to mention that this fanfic was inspired by The Punk And The Gentleman by user MaddCakee so you should go check their story out if you ship Frerard. thanks for reading xx


	2. Chapter 2

_fine is all we need_

_you get used to the gray monotone_

_fine is survival_

 

With droopy eyes, Jinyoung finishes brushing his teeth and turns off the sink. A few drops of water drip from the sink as the man stares at his reflection in the mirror. He decided to shave because a five-o-clock shadow was starting to form on his face, Jisoo pointing it out yesterday at work. And he doesn’t think he looks good with a beard, he’d rather be as smooth as a baby’s bottom than look like a rugged lumberjack. That look just doesn’t suit him.

He remembers when Mark sported a beard in college. He claimed he wanted to have a new look, called himself the new Mark for a while too. That all ended when he met Jackson though. Jackson told him that it looked weird on him and boom, it was gone the next day Jinyoung saw him.

Jinyoung chuckles at the memory.

Taking one more look at his image, Jinyoung nods and leaves the en-suite bathroom. On work days, Jinyoung and Jisoo never eat breakfast together simply because he wakes up 2 hours earlier than her. She could wake up and have breakfast with him, but she never does. Jinyoung understands though, Jisoo comes home late and needs the sleep. But on weekends, if none of them are called into work, they have breakfast together. It usually consists of Jinyoung and Jisoo cooking together, or just one of them making breakfast if the other isn’t in the mood. They usually take turns in cooking, even though Jinyoung enjoys cooking the most. After breakfast the couple either watch something on Netflix or go out. When they go out they like to visit their beautiful local park, or go to the mall and distract themselves that way. If they have plans to attend to they do that, together or separately. Board games are a rare occurrence, but it does happen sometimes. And it usually ends in Jinyoung sticking his tongue out to Jisoo, him being the biggest sore loser on the planet. But it’s nice spending time with her, feels normal.

Most of the time she feels more like a roommate than his fiancé. Since work takes up most of their time, they barely get to interact. Yes they do eat together at work, go visit each other’s offices, and possibly bump into each other in the halls. But they rarely interact at home, because Jinyoung leaves too early and Jisoo arrives home too late to keep a whole conversation going. 9pm doesn’t seem too late to Jinyoung but if Jisoo says she is going to bed, she’s going to bed. He think’s it’s the baby that’s draining all of her energy, because she wasn’t like this before she got pregnant.

Nevertheless, life at home was rather boring for Jinyoung unless it’s the weekend. Everything is just exactly the same, he get’s home, eats dinner alone, reads another chapter of The Great Gatsby, watches a random movie on Netflix if he doesn’t feel like reading, showers if he needs to, and heads to bed. Relaxing, but boring. Now if he was in another country. .

Shaking those thoughts away before he goes through another depressive episode, Jinyoung changes out of his pajamas and into his formal attire. Some black slacks, a plain white dress shirt, and a tie decorated with tiny white airplanes. He has a bunch of ties, some funky and some plain, but that airplane tie is his favorite for obvious reasons.

Looking back at Jisoo’s sleeping form, he goes up to her and kisses her warm temple. With a sad smile, he leaves her to go make some breakfast for himself. Walking down the white marble staircase, not in a rush this time, Jinyoung thinks of what he can have for breakfast today. He couldn’t eat breakfast yesterday since he was running late, so he bought an apple from the cafeteria at work. Now he has enough time to eat, so a cream cheese bagel with some hot black coffee sounds good.

Entering the kitchen, Jinyoung opens one of the cabinets on his left and picks out the coffee he wants. French Vanilla, his favorite. Putting the grounded up coffee into the machine, he turns it on and grabs the TV remote laying on the counter. The news is something Jinyoung always enjoyed, always wanting to know what was happening in Florida or in any other place they decided to inform him of. Also turning on the TV, Jinyoung quietly hears about the weather as he takes out two bagels from the pantry, ready for toasting.

 

…

 

Today was another easy day, only having to attend one meeting about new things happening in the hospital and another appointment with a patient. So he decided to go visit Hyungwon at his office, it wasn’t a long walk anyways. They work on the same floor.

Knocking on the door, Jinyoung waits for his friend to respond. Hopefully he isn’t busy or holding a meeting, he doesn’t like interrupting people.

After what seems like two minutes though, Hyungwon hasn’t responded yet. Maybe he is in the Radiography room doing an MRI or something. But the room being slightly ajar catches Jinyoung’s eyes, so he decides to peek into the room just to make sure his friend isn’t there. And to his amusement, Hyungwon actually is in the room. Only, he is fast asleep, drooling all over his paperwork like a dog. Jinyoung covers his mouth as he slowly opens the door with his other hand, trying hard not to laugh loudly. He is not going to miss snapping a picture of this golden moment all thanks to his laugh. That won’t happen.

Getting close enough, Jinyoung takes out his phone and clicks on the little camera icon, the room appearing on his screen. He then points his phone at Hyungwon, all sprawled out like an octopus out of water, deep in dream land. Chuckling like a mischievous little kid, Jinyoung takes the picture in one tap. Looking down at his phone screen, he chuckles even louder in satisfaction because Hyungwon really does look stupid like this. Lovely.

Putting away his phone, the younger man goes up to his sleeping friend and grabs a pen from his desk. With another chuckle, Jinyoung taps the black pen on Hyungwon’s head until the older man finally wakes up. Jinyoung counted about 48 taps.

With a confused expression, the sleepy doctor looks around the room and groans when he sees Jinyoung laughing into his hands.

“I was having a dream where I was talking to actual mermaids on the beach, why the hell did you have to wake me up.” His friend says, which only makes Jinyoung laugh even more.

Yeah, today isn’t so bad.

 

…

 

He receives a call from Jisoo on his way home, asking if he can go to the grocery store to buy some ingredients for the dish she want’s to prepare. She is going home earlier than expected since it wasn’t a busy day for her either, so she wants to cook dinner for them tonight.

Jinyoung happily agrees, it’s been months since they had dinner on a week day together.

Opting for the bigger grocery store three towns away, Jinyoung drives to the familiar place humming along to Alicia Keys. Traffic is minimal, so he guesses he’ll arrive in about 10 minutes. Rolling down his windows, he enjoys the sun without the muggy humidity Florida almost always obtains. He’s glad it’s less humid than usual.

Arriving in a little over 10 minutes, Jinyoung parks his expensive car and gets out the drivers seat. Locking his car, he looks up at the big sign above the store that reads ‘Silver Spoon’ in bold metallic lettering. This grocery store is one of the best ones he and Jisoo have ever shopped at, having a variety of foods from different countries. He loves being able to buy seaweed snacks from South Korea a few towns away from his Floridian home.

Going inside, he notices that the lines aren’t too packed, so he doesn’t have to worry about shopping in a hurry. He prefers not to anyway, he always ends up forgetting something when rushed. Grabbing a blue shopping cart, he unlocks his phone with his fingerprint and goes straight to the notes app. He pulled over during Jisoo’s phone call just so he could write down the things he needed to buy, incase he forgot them. He didn’t forget most of the ingredients, just a few of them, so thank god for his fast thinking back in the car.

First on the list: fish sauce.

Putting his phone in his pant’s pocket, Jinyoung pushes the cart along as he scans each isle’s signs, looking for where they would have all of the sauces. Stopping in front of isle 7, the word ‘sauces’ is written on the sign, so he goes into the isle and searches for the needed ingredient. He finds the fish sauce next to the soy sauce, and grabs both because that is another ingredient he needs to buy. How convenient.

Second on the list are cayenne peppers, and he knows where the vegetables are located at, so he gets the peppers quicker than he got the fish sauce. Jisoo is making Pad Thai tonight, and he is so excited to eat it. Pad Thai is so delicious.

Getting all of the ingredients on the list isn’t a hassle, and he is on line before he realizes it. He even threw in some fruits and snacks for himself, one of the snacks being a bag of Tteokbokki chips. He’s excited to have that later, including the Pad Thai of course. Playing with his engagement ring, Jinyoung rests his forearms on the cart and looks at the abundance of foods in it. There isn’t much.

A loud ‘No’ is shouted out in the isle Jinyoung is in, so he gets startled and looks up towards the noise. There seems to be an altercation between the cashier and the mustard yellow-haired boy in front of him, so he listens in with his keen ears.

“I’m so sorry miss, I didn’t mean to-”

“You made me scan and bag all of this shit just so you can tell me that you forgot your wallet at home? Are you kidding me?” the lady behind the counter raised her voice in frustration, looking at the kid with flames in her eyes. It looks like she is about to explode or something.

“I know and I’m so so sorry, I’m an idiot and-”

“You BET you’re a fucking idiot, stupid kid with even stupider hair. Just go home you idiotic gay.”

And that’s when Jinyoung had enough, that lady had no right to yell at the poor kid, more so use ‘gay’ as a derogatory word. Gay is not a fucking insult.

“Hey,” Jinyoung raises his voice, catching the attention of both the kid and the cashier. He focuses on the lady though, going up to her with a grimace on his face. “you don’t have the right to be rude to this kid. If he said that he forgot his wallet, he forgot it. I’m sure he didn’t mean to. Now I’ll be paying for his groceries, but don’t think you’re off the hook. I’ll make sure to call and file a report on you miss,” Jinyoung pauses to read the nametag on her vest out loud. “Bethany Kronze. 

Bethany shuts up, staring at Jinyoung with a surprised look. She simply nods at his statement, going back to the touch screen machine and finalizing the items. She asks for Jinyoung to swipe his card on the small machine in front of him timidly, not even looking at him. She just twirls her thumbs together instead of helping the kid pack the bags into his cart. Jinyoung finishes paying with an eye-roll.

He gets his cart and pulls it towards the conveyer belt, placing his items on it quickly so he can help the poor kid with all the bags, something the rude cashier should be doing. But she’s an asshole of course.

“Do your job and scan these for me.” Jinyoung waves at his items and walks right past her, going to the yellow plastic bags on the metallic counter. As he reaches for a bag, a hand grips onto his wrist, stopping him.

He looks up at the owner of that hand, and it’s no other than the kid with the bright yellow hair. The kid has big brown eyes, whom are staring directly as Jinyoung’s own. He is a bit taller than Jinyoung, even though he is obviously younger. Wearing a red shirt with the words ‘WHIPLASH’ written in all caps as the design, he sort of reminds Jinyoung of a Mcdonalds french fry carton.

“You didn’t have to do that, but you did. So thank you so so much dude. I owe you one big time.” He shyly smiles at Jinyoung, still grasping on to his wrist. Jinyoung smiles back curtly, and feels the hand move away from his wrist.

“It’s no problem really, she was being an asshole to you. Glad I could help.” Carefully placing the bag filled with two egg cartons inside of it on top of the stack of groceries, Jinyoung glances at the cashier. Bethany is almost done with scanning and bagging his items, so he goes to the card reader before she asks him to. Swiping his card when asked, he pays yet again and brings his cart to the bagging area, where all his bagged groceries are. The kid put his cart aside without Jinyoung realizing, and comes up to him with outstretched hands.

“It’s only like five bags, I’ll be okay kiddo.” Jinyoung smiles at him for the second time today, watching the boy’s face turn into a playful expression.

“My name isn’t kiddo, oldie. It’s Yugyeom.” The yellow-haired kid, Yugyeom, says with a smirk, testing Jinyoung with narrow eyes.

Jinyoung sighs.

“And my name isn’t oldie, Yugyeom. It’s Jinyoung. Now will you please let me pass, you’re kind of blocking the way here.” He raises his eyebrows pointedly, not really in the mood to get teased by a teenager.

Yugyeom apologizes and nods quickly, moving out of the way and grabbing his cart full of groceries. Jinyoung walks forward, towards the exit of this large grocery store. Looking at his watch, he notes that he took about an hour to shop, which isn’t bad. Jisoo is probably on her way home right now, so he’ll arrive there at around the same time as her.

Walking out to the parking lot, Jinyoung glances up at the beautiful sky in front of him. Baby blues and pastel oranges were mixing together, casting a pretty glow on the white clouds. He can’t imagine what it must look like on the inside of an airplane, looking out the small circular window at all it’s beauty. He wishes he could know what that was like. And he wishes he knew that Yugyeom was walking right next to him, because the noise of the cart’s wheels on concrete scared the shit out of him. He almost drops one of his grocery bags because of that loud sound.

“Yugyeom what the hell are you doing!?” Jinyoung huffs, looking at the taller boy with bewildered eyes. Yugyeom looks at him in confusion, bringing the cart to a halt.

“I said I owed you one and you didn’t say no, so I’m here to get your number.” He tells Jinyoung like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. The older man scrunches up his nose in hesitancy.

“Yeah but I didn’t agree either. Kid I’ve done enough for you, just leave me alone please.” With controlled breaths, Jinyoung stands up straighter and starts walking towards his car again, leaving the kid with a small glance.

But Yugyeom doesn’t stop; “Jinyoung wait, I’m offering my friendship as a way of saying thank you! Please.” The persistent boy runs to stop in front of him, blocking his way yet again. His expression has completely changed now, a more solemn one being expressed.

“We literally just met today, there’s no way I’m giving you my number. Especially to a sketchy teenager like you.” The older man gives Yugyeom the sternest look he can muster, hoping his confident tone does the trick. But Jinyoung is right; he just met the kid a few minutes ago, so why exchange numbers so quickly?

“I don’t care, you bought all of my groceries and stood up for me, and that’s not something that happens to me everyday mister. So I want to be friends with someone as amazing as you, it’s the least I can do.” Yugyeom tells Jinyoung, leaving the black haired man a little bit taken aback. No one has ever told him he was an amazing person in such a straightforward manner.

“Yugyeom. .”

“No.”

“Yugyeom, please get out of my-“

“Jinyoung, please give me your number.” Jinyoung gets cut off by the determined boy, his eyes seeming to get bigger as he makes eye contact with the older man. He really won’t quit. Jinyoung sighs, really not wanting to waste more time than he did back in the store, he’s irritated now.

“Will you let me leave if I give you my number?” He asks the youngster, a grin being flashed his way after he heard his question.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Fine.”

 

…

 

Jisoo makes it home before he does, and he has Yugyeom to thank for that. That stubborn kid, he barely knows him yet he was forced to hand over his cell phone number. He does the right thing and he get’s a stubborn teenager in return. Damn it, he should’ve given him a fake number. He just wasn’t thinking straight, what a dumb mistake. If you couldn’t tell, Jinyoung is still slightly irritated.

But the Pad Thai he is currently eating is oh so delicious, so who cares about that Yugyeom boy. Shrimp and green onions blend in his mouth, creating the unique and savory taste he had missed. Jisoo really is a great cook.

Twirling noodles around his fork, his fiancé speaks.

“I’ve missed this you know.” She says, Jinyoung looking up at her with the fork dangling in front of him. He sees her warm smile, her heart shaped lips looking so cute. It tempts him, so he gives into the temptation. Getting up from his seat, Jinyoung drops his fork full of noodles on to his plate and places his hand over her soft cheek. A blush covers her face as he leans in, covering her lips with his own. It only lasts a couple of seconds, the gentle contact filling Jinyoung with warmth. He pulls away slowly and looks into her pretty eyes, whispering a soft; “I’ve missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jingyeom finally met! are you peeps excited, because i know i am lmao. but oh oh i just want to thank you all who have read the first chapter of this fic! i didn't know this would have so many hits, i honestly suspected at least like 10 ahaha. so seriously, thank you! you've made ya boy real happy :)


	3. Chapter 3

_darker and darker i sink_

_putrid thoughts dragging me by my feet_

_sufficient love keeping me afloat_

 

Rumors are something that always lingers around the hospital, like a stain that is hard to erase. The annoying stain eventually disappears, but it’ll always remain a memory because of how difficult it was to remove.

Jinyoung guesses that’s why he is always hearing about Chris and Sebastian, it’s been going around for a few days now. Them being a thing, Chris cheating on his wife of over 2 years named Hayley. The thing is Jinyoung knows the couple, been to their wedding. They both looked so in love, and Chris still talks about her a lot. They don’t have kids yet because Chris told him that they’re waiting for the right moment to settle down. Kids are a lot of responsibility, so Jinyoung understands. He is still baffled that he is going to be a Dad soon, gosh.

Jinyoung thinks these rumors stemmed off on two things; Chris being openly Bisexual and the closeness between Sebastian and Chris. They spend a lot of time together, going out to eat lunch together and such. That shouldn’t matter though because Hayley is Bisexual too. This is one of the reasons her and Chris get along so well. They _get_ each other. Chris and Sebastian are just friends.

So Jinyoung doesn’t pay much attention to those rumors. He knows enough to debunk them, so why ponder on them right? It’s none of his business anyways.

Well it was none of his business, until now. Jinyoung didn’t expect himself to walk in on Chris pinning Sebastian on the wall, slow kisses being exchanged between the two men. It’s all his fault really, Jinyoung just had to take the staircase no one rarely uses as a shortcut to get back to his office. He _had_ to be lazy, well look where that got him.

And of course Chris and Sebastian noticed when Jinyoung swung open the door, their union breaking. Chris scrambles off of Sebastian, almost falling down the stairs. He stumbles on to the railing though, grabbing it for dear life as Jinyoung just stares. Stares at the man he saw cry at his wedding when Hayley walked down the isle. The man who always stares at Hayley like she is his whole world. The man who kisses Hayley with those same lips, the lips that are probably all over Sebastian behind closed doors. Jinyoung stares at Chris in pure shock.

He has never seen or experienced cheating in a relationship, so Jinyoung literally has no idea what to do. He contemplates on just turning around and forgetting he saw anything, but the moral side of him is keeping his feet planted on the blue tiles. The moral Jinyoung is yelling all sorts of profanity at his co-worker Chris, meanwhile the confused Jinyoung just wants to leave. Rationally, Jinyoung should tell Hayley, he really should. The only problem is that he doesn’t have her number or anything to contact her with. He needs to do the right thing and tell her, he has to.

“Give me Hayley’s phone number.” Stern and full of contained anger, Jinyoung gives a glance at Sebastian to eye him up and down. The man looks flustered, cheeks all red and eyes as wide as quarters. He then settles his glance at Chris once again. He can’t believe this is happening.

Chris stares at Jinyoung with fearful eyes.

“Jinyoung you don’t understand–”

“And I don’t plan on understanding anytime soon, Chris what the hell?!” Jinyoung bursts, his hands forming into fists at his sides. He just doesn’t understand how someone could cheat on their life partner, the person you vowed to love and cherish till the day you die. God he could never hurt Jisoo like this.

“How can you do this to Hayley? She’s your wife! And you’re her husband! HERS, not anybody else’s.” The black haired man pointedly stares at Sebastian when he emphasizes the last sentence. The shabby haired brunette bows his head down to avoid Jinyoung’s intense stare. He has that affect on people; you don’t want to be in the crossfire of his furious stares. When he looks back at Chris, the blonde is trembling, but not in fear. He has started crying, the force of his upset emotions hitting him all at once.

“We’re in love.” The man under Jinyoung’s gaze whispers, barely audible. Luckily Jinyoung’s big ears catch almost everything, so he catches what Chris had said. The statement confuses him some more though.

“But it doesn’t seem like you love Hayley at all–”

“No,” Chris interrupts, looking at Sebastian with something Jinyoung hasn’t seen in years. It makes him do a double take, his fists slowly loosening. 

Jinyoung associates the look with a state of being he calls the ‘spell’. This is something he has seen in only two couples, his parents and his uncles. The first time he saw it was when he stumbled upon his sleeping mother. He was playing with his toy airplane, making it fly in the air with his small chubby hand. The small boy stopped in his tracks once he saw his mom on the couch, not wanting to wake her up with his cliché airplane noises. A couple seconds later, Jinyoung watched his father walk into the room with a blanket in his hands. The elder crouched down and draped the soft indigo blanket onto his mother, gently caressing her messy hair afterwards. His dad proceeded to look at his mom with so much love and admiration that young Jinyoung couldn’t comprehend what to call that. He knew it was love, because he loved his parents from space and back and love is a great thing. But this was more than love. It was like his father was under a love spell, magical. It seemed so magical and pure to a 5-year-old Jinyoung that he decided to call it the ‘spell’. It wasn’t until older that he realized the spell only worked when two people love each other the same amount. One person can’t love someone more than the other, or else the spell won’t work. His parents always loved each other through whatever life threw at them; they have that perfect pure love you see in movies. Of course they argued and bickered here and there, that’s what makes their love so pure. It’s raw, so there are no lies and trust issues to worry about. That’s what living under the spell is like; honest, fulfilling, and so full of true love you could drown in it. He witnessed his uncles go under the spell too. He noticed it when his uncle Bin looked at his uncle Eunwoo meanwhile he told another one of his travel stories. Jinyoung was listening to Eunwoo, but when he caught Moonbin looking at his uncle with such adoration it made his heart beat twice as fast. He knew he was witnessing the spell do it’s work. And he also knew that he wanted to experience the spell someday. He wished on it.

Yet, Jinyoung feels like his wish didn’t come true yet. He loves Jisoo, is in love with her, but his heart doesn’t feel fulfilled. It still feels empty, because some days Jisoo is a bit cold towards him and yes, it does hurt him. Maybe it’s his insecurity, but he feels like Jisoo doesn’t love him as much as he loves her. When he looks at her he sees his whole life ahead of him, with her in it of course. They’re going to get married and have a family soon, so he guesses it’s rational to see her as his whole life. Even if that means sacrificing the only thing he wants to do in life; traveling.

So seeing Chris look at Sebastian with that same adoration he has seen his uncles look at each other with is making it hard to think clear. Sebastian returning that look back at Chris just confirms that they are under the spell, Jinyoung just knows. He feels it in the pit of his gut, and shit it doesn’t help the situation. Love this pure should be cherished, not destroyed.

“Sebastian and I are in love.” Is what the baffled man hears next, looking between the two men meekly. He has never seen Chris look at Hayley in this way, not even at their goddamned wedding. He doesn’t know how to feel now.

“Please Jinyoung, don’t tell Hayley. I’m planning on telling her on my own in a couple of days, I fucked up and it’s only fair if she heard it from me. Sebastian is going to be there with me when I tell her. We both feel so guilty about this, but hell I found the love of my life and I can’t give this up for the world.” The teary blonde sniffles, Sebastian shyly intertwining their hands as his other hand runs along his lover’s blotchy cheeks, wiping the tears away with his pointer finger.

“I helped him cheat, so I owe her an explanation and a sincere apology. We both do. I hope you can understand us someday, even if this situation is fucked up.” Jinyoung observes Sebastian speak for the first time since this whole incident, and notes how sincere he is. His big crystal blue eyes ooze shamefulness, something that Jinyoung softens at. Honesty is key, even if the honesty is coming from a cheater he supposes. At least they are owning-up to their mistakes.

“I’m still upset over this affair, but I see that you guys actually are in love. Shit, I don’t even have what you guys have.” Jinyoung sighs, pinching the flesh in between his shut-eyes. He really can’t believe love can be so cruel sometimes.

“You guys really shouldn’t have done stuff with each other you know. You could have at least waited it out after things were settled with Hayley.” He speaks again, voice firm. He also can’t believe he is going to go along with this.

“But I’ll keep your secret, just promise me you’re not lying to me about speaking to Hayley. Cause if you are I’ll tell her either way.” Jinyoung sternly says, the couple in front of him exhaling in relief.

“I promise we’re going to speak to Hayley very soon, you don’t have to worry about that. Thank you so much Jinyoung, god thank you thank you thank you!” Chris squeezes out the leftover tears he has in his eyes, managing to smile for the first time during this whole incident. He sort of looks manic in a sense. Sebastian just smiles timidly, not taking his eyes off of Chris.

Jinyoung hopes he did the right thing.

 

...

 

Another groan emerges from the girl in front of him, the tender area flushing crimson with irritation. Jinyoung knows it can’t be a fractured bone, she would be crying if it were. Also her whole ankle would be bruised, the pain making it impossible to walk on depending on how bad it is. Danielle probably sprained her ankle.

“I’m going to poke around your ankle, just tell me the part that hurts the most okay? I promise it’ll be quick.” He reassures her, an understanding nod being thrown his way afterwards. She scrunches her nose as she waits for Jinyoung’s gloved finger to do the worst.

The experienced doctor really only has to poke at six places, either side of two bones and two areas of tissue around it. If she has a fractured ankle, it will hurt her more when he pokes on the bone. If it’s just a sprain the tissue will hurt more, a stretched/torn tendon or ligament causing the discomfort.

Carefully, Jinyoung presses a blue rubber finger on to Danielle’s tibia, making sure the pressure is enough to cause pain.

Looking up at her expectantly, the young girl’s nose is no longer scrunched up. Her expression is rather surprised, probably thinking that poke would hurt her a lot.

So Jinyoung moves on, poking once more at her tibia before poking at her fibula. Danielle doesn’t give him any sort of concerning reaction, only a few hisses because it’s a painful area. He already knows she has a sprain, but he has to make sure.

Out of nowhere, the familiar bird whistle that his phone makes to notify Jinyoung of a new text message rings, startling him a bit. He guesses he forgot to put his phone on vibrate before the appointment.

Nevertheless, the doctor continues. Putting pressure on the swollen tissue right under the fibula, Danielle yelps in certain pain. He looks up at her, the brunette biting her lip from embarrassment, a light pink dusting her cheeks. “That hurt a lot.”

Jinyoung nods and decides to end it there, not wanting to hurt the girl anymore than it is necessary. A common sprain it is, thankfully. Fractures are much worse, surgery usually done on the fracture if it’s out of place. There are non-surgical treatments for a fractured ankle but that’s only if there isn’t a lot of damage. A sprain is easy to heal, the RICE treatment doing the trick. If Danielle is in a lot of pain then Jinyoung will write a note to prescribe her painkillers. He doesn’t give medicine to his patients directly, only advises if needed.

“Good news, you have a sprained ankle, which is way better than a fractured one.” Jinyoung gets up from his crouched position to then walk to the large ivory desk on the far left corner of the room. The stark man takes off his baby blue rubber gloves and tosses them into the silver trashcan, letting his hands breathe. Knowing exactly where he left the clipboard occupied with Danielle’s information, he picks it up. Skimming it over, he finds the section where the options are sprain or fracture, two empty squares in front of both words. Jinyoung plucks the blue pen from his white coat pocket, clicking it to slash a line across the square titled sprain.

“Oh thank god.” Danielle’s mom exasperated from the other side of the room, looking relieved to hear what Jinyoung had said.

Facing the young teen, Jinyoung asks if she can walk on it, to which she replies with an unsure yes. Danielle tells him she is limping because it’s painful if she puts pressure on it for a couple of minutes. This is typical of a grade one sprain. So he jots that down in the notes section of the paperwork, advising to prescribe her painkillers. Going back to his desk, Jinyoung opens a drawer to reveal printed pan-flits on how to heal a sprain. He grabs one and makes his way towards the girl’s mom, handing it over with a polite smile. 

“This explains how to heal a sprained anything really, it goes over important things to keep in mind and most importantly the RICE treatment. You and your daughter should read it over and let the sprained ankle heal for two weeks minimum.” Danielle and her mother nod along, the elder already reading the helpful pan-flit.

“I also wrote down that you should take some painkillers to ease the pain, so some drugstore medicine can work. I recommend Motrin or Tylenol.” Jinyoung clicks his pen and slips it back on to his pocket, fixing his long white coat in the process. His nametag gets messed up in the process, so he tilts the black badge until it looks somewhat straight. The white letters spelling Mr. Park Jinyoung stand out under the black surrounding it.

“Well thank you so much Mr. Park, it was a pleasure.” The mother stands up, handing the pan-flit over to Danielle to shake Jinyoung’s hand in gratitude. He firmly shakes her hand twice before letting go, watching the elder go to her daughter to help with getting her off the examination bed. Danielle wraps an arm around her mom’s shoulders and slowly descends to the floor, making sure not to step on her bad foot. Limping away, Jinyoung notices that she has a bruise on her left cheek, something he hadn’t seen before.

“Hey Danielle?” He calls out, the girl straining her neck to look back at him.

“Yeah?” Her mother looks back at Jinyoung too, curious at what the doctor has to say.

“How’d you get that bruise, the one on your cheek?” Pointing at it from afar, Danielle follows his finger with her eyes and snorts afterwards. Her mother starts chuckling beside her.

“I bumped into a glass door in our kitchen. I’m the clumsiest girl alive.” She smiles up at Jinyoung, waving goodbye once her mother starts to walk towards the door. Jinyoung quickly rushes to their aid, opening the door wide and offering a wheelchair for them to exit the hospital easier. They decline his offer with a kind smile, leaving Jinyoung to chuckle at what Danielle had said earlier. Clumsy people are adorable.

Closing the door behind him, Jinyoung sighs nice and long, feeling content that the appointment went well. He has another one in about an hour, so he has some time to relax, maybe grab a snack to eat. Wait, didn’t his phone ring during the appointment? Yeah, yeah it did.

The doctor goes to his desk to retrieve his phone, pressing the home screen to see a new text message from an unknown number. He unlocks his phone and opens his green message app, the new text sitting at the top of his list of previous conversations. Opening it, the text reads:

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

_chu chu chu chuuu! it’s ya boi, kim yugyeom_

 

He almost forgot he gave a random teenage boy his number, almost. Jinyoung groans in defeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry i haven't updated in forever, i've just been going through a lot so i didn't have time to write. but i'm managing my time better so i hope that reflects on my work. thanks for sticking around!


	4. Chapter 4

_but they said i’ll be alright_

_glorious days could be ahead_

_tell me i’m right_

 

jinyoung:

_God I thought you forgot about me._

 

Shooting a quick text back, Jinyoung grumpily saves the boy’s contact information under the name; annoying french-fry kid. And even though he feels like he lost to the kid, the name he gave Yugyeom on his phone feels like a small triumph. He is at least winning at something. Sitting down on his comfy swivel chair, Jinyoung opens tumblr and scrolls through his feed. The photography, poetry, and travel accounts he follows always keep him satisfied. Reblogging a post about someone’s experience in India, he receives another text from Yugyeom.

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_pshh it’s only been like 3 days since we’ve met,_

_i said that we are going to be friends and i don’t_

_intend on giving that up mister!_

_so correct me if i’m wrong, but are you korean?_

 

jinyoung:

_No I’m Brazilian._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_stop lying to me oldie or i sWEAR_

 

jinyoung:

_What makes you think I’m lying kiddo?_

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_IM NOT A KID_

 

_and you’re just messing with me bc you’re a meanie_

 

Jinyoung can be mean if he wanted to, he can actually be a oomplete asshole. But Yugyeom is just a teenager. He’ll feel a bit guilty if he actually tries to make Yugyeom cry.

 

jinyoung:

_First of all, I’m not being mean to you._

_If I wanted to be mean you would probably be crying._

 

_Second of all, yes, I am Korean._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_i am NOT a cry baby, i’ll beat you up_

 

_but i knew it! jinyoung is such a_

_korean name, you can’t fooool meeee_

_were you born in south korea?_

 

jinyoung:

_Don’t test me Yugyeom, I can easily fool you._

_And beat you up._

_I was born here in Florida, my parents were born_

_in South Korea. How about you, were you born here?_

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_hey i was born here in florida too! how cool!_

_how old are you?_

 

jinyoung:

_I’m 27, older than you for sure._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_WAIT WHAT_

_I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE 21 OR SOMETHING_

_DUDE YOU’RE ALMOST 30!_

 

Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung checks the time before responding back. He still has a little less than an hour to get back to work, so killing time with Yugyeom shouldn’t be so bad.

 

jinyoung:

_Well how old are you?_

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_i’m 17, young and sweet, the dancing king_

 

Wow, he’s younger than Jinyoung suspected. When he first saw Yugyeom he thought he was at least nineteen, not seventeen. The boy isn’t even legal yet.

 

jinyoung:

_You’re a baby._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_and you’re my hyung :)_

 

jinyoung:

_I’m never being nice to strangers again._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_hey! that was mean, we’re friends_

 

jinyoung:

_You’re delusional, we’re not friends._

_I barely know you and I intend on keeping it that way._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_watch, you’re gonna be wrapped around_

_my finger in no time. . just you wait jinyoung._

 

jinyoung:

_I’ll break your finger._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_and i’ll break yours back oldie_

 

jinyoung:

_And my finger will heal because I’m a surgeon_

_and I know how to take care of a broken finger._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_wait are you actually a surgeon???_

 

jinyoung:

_Yeah, I’m currently at work right now._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_HOW COOL!! where do you work?_

 

jinyoung:

_Well obviously at a hospital dummy._

_You’re stupider than I thought._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_seems like you’re the stupid one bc i was_

_asking about WHAT hospital you work at but go off i guess_

 

jinyoung:

_You should’ve worded that better,_

_I work at Newton Hospital of Miami._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_dude that’s like one of the most boujee hospitals_

_in florida what the hell are you rich or something?_

 

jinyoung:

_I’m wealthy, rich is such an ugly term._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_so you are rich. . wow i’m shook_

 

Jinyoung has heard his friend Hyungwon use that word, shook, many times before yet he still has no idea what the hell it means. He tried asking him but when Hyungwon explained it Jinyoung just ended up being even more confused than before. It has to do with being surprised or something???

 

jinyoung:

_Shook? What’s that, are you_

_like shaking or something?_

 

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_i’m going to convert you into the meme_

_lifestyle that will be mission number two_

 

jinyoung:

_What the hell are memes?_

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_they describe every situation imaginable_

_they are a mood, images sent_

_down by mr. G-dizzle himself_

 

[image attached]

_you see this was me when i found out you were rich_

 

jinyoung:

_I sort of get it, but I’m sort_

_of disturbed at the same time._

 

annoying french-fry kid:

_that’s the beauty of memes hyung_

 

A knock takes him out of his typing trance, so the black haired man stops moving his thumbs to lock his phone instead. With an arched eyebrow, he gets up out of his seat to walk towards the door. He isn’t expecting a patient for another thirty minutes, so he wonders who it could be.

Opening the door, all of his curiosity washes away when Jisoo’s face appears. She has a neutral facial expression, holding a coral colored peach in her delicate slim hand. The rose gold engagement ring’s diamond shimmers nicely under the fluorescent lights, causing Jinyoung’s heart to squeeze in nostalgia. Why does he feel so lonely when his fiancé is right in front of him?

“I uhm, I got you a snack because I know you’re going to be busy doing appointments for the rest of your shift.” An apology for what happened last night, Jinyoung thinks. It’s no coincidence that she got him a peach as a snack. His favorite fruit are peaches and she knows that.

“Thank you, I appreciate it Ji.” The solemn man looks into Jisoo’s eyes and sees nothing there, so he takes the peach without another word. Staring at the fruit, he twists it in his hand as he turns around to leave. There’s no use in talking to her about the situation right now, she thinks giving him a piece of fruit is an apology. And this isn’t the first time that she does this. It’s like Jisoo either has this repulsion to saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ or she just doesn’t want to recognize her mistakes anymore. Jinyoung has only heard her say sorry to him a couple of times before their engagement. Ever since then it’s like ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t in her vocabulary when she speaks to him. Jisoo should get ‘actions speak louder than words’ tattooed on her because she is the embodiment of that phrase.

It bothers him, only receiving kisses, sex, or these stupidly delicious peaches as an apology. He wants to sit down and talk it through, hear her say I’m sorry for gods-sake. Not feel her lips on his and act as if what happened magically disappeared. This isn’t some fairytale where true loves kiss fixes everything, it’s real life issues that have to be resolved as adults. But of course Jinyoung stopped trying after she purposely ignored the topic after one of their fights, talking about a book she finished reading before kissing him goodnight. After that he just gave up, now having to deal with her ignorance. Jisoo is a sweet girl, she really is, but when she does something wrong she turns so vacuous. That’s the flaw he loathes.

Pushing the door open, Jinyoung walks inside his examination office with murky thoughts. Last night’s events creep up on him and start replaying in his head all over again, much to his dismay.

 

_Feeling the warm cup of tea heat up his palms, Jinyoung takes another bite of his croissant. Small crumbs fall on his black tank top, but he is too focused on the show he is currently watching to care. Michonne is slicing zombies left and right with her sword on his flat-screen TV, out on another raid with her lover Rick. Jinyoung loves the couple, they really are perfect for each other. A strong dynamic duo, he thinks to himself._

_The jingle of keys disrupts the rotten-flesh-fest, Jinyoung smiling to himself knowing that Jisoo is home. Grabbing the warm floral designed cup off the coffee table in front of him, Jinyoung gets up. Feeling his legs stretch, the man takes his eyes off of the TV to turn around, facing the entrance of their home._

_Jisoo enters nonchalantly, per usual. She is wearing a cute white blouse tucked into a navy blue pencil skirt, with black flats to end it all off. His fiancé has always had a formal sense of style, and man does she rock it._

_Extending the cup full of tea, Jinyoung greets his soon to be wife with a warm smile._

_“I made you some tea, it’s your favorite too. Rooibos tea with a smidge of milk and honey.” He tells Jisoo, her Gucci purse being hung in the closet closest to the entrance. She looks up at him while she slips off her flats, picking them up to place them in the closet. The black haired woman chuckles under her breath as she shuts the closet door pretty harshly._

_Jinyoung flinches at that._

_“No thank you.” Jisoo dismisses him in a passive aggressive tone, walking right past him and into their shared bedroom. She doesn’t even glance at him. So he naturally gets worried. Placing the cup back on the coffee table, Jinyoung jogs up to her and gently grasps her wrist._

_“Honey, did something happen?” The concerned man asks with a weary voice, scared that someone hurt her. He would go ballistic if someone put a finger on her in the wrong way._

_“No, now would you let me go Jinyoung.” A tense anger lingers in her response, seeming like she is ready to hit him or something. She would never do that though, she’s not physically abusive, never was._

_“Babe, I’m just worried about you–”_

_“I don’t care! All I want to do is go to bed, let me go!” Jisoo fumes, pushing her fiancé off of her with her free hand. He stumbles back from the surprising force, apprehension taking over. Anxiety bubbles inside of Jinyoung, not knowing why she has been having these cold outbursts recently. It could be a side affect of the pregnancy, yeah doesn’t pregnancy affect women in different ways beside the whole baby growth? That must be it. That has to be it._

_Staring at Jisoo cautiously, she storms out of the living room to stomp up the marble staircase. Giving Jinyoung the cold shoulder yet again. He should get used to this by now, but his heart just crumbles a little bit more each time. Every time she shows no interest in their relationship, turns cold, Jinyoung feels himself getting farther away from her. His love is at bay constantly, still strong and hanging on, the drag of the sea getting closer and closer. But what will happen if the ocean finally reaches his beached heart? What will happen when his love floats away, distancing itself from the only thing that he has ever loved? His beloved Jisoo._

_Standing still, Jinyoung hears their bedroom door slam shut along with the voice of Rick murmuring something he can’t comprehend. Ignoring the heavy lump in his throat, he turns around and sits down on his comfortable couch to continue watching the episode. Now feeling like shit, Jinyoung grabs the remote in front of him lazily to rewind the part he missed. He guesses he’s sleeping on the couch today._

The thing that makes this all so confusing is that they do have their good days. Days where he feels like they’re in love all over again. She would cuddle him, compliment him, and be glued to his side almost the whole day (excluding works hours of course). But it’s those days that Jinyoung is fighting for, hanging on for. He still loves her. The question is; does she still love him the same way?

Who knew getting engaged to Jisoo would turn out to be this difficult.

 

 

…

 

 

Being home always relieves him, his muscles aren’t as tense and his mind is somewhat at ease. The hospital is a stressful environment, always worrying about what to do next and how to help your patients. He always needs a break from it, so going home is the best part of his day.

Deciding on finishing a book, Jinyoung makes his way up to his bedroom. Jisoo will get home late today, she texted him telling him that. Her friend Lisa wants her to help with dyeing her hair, so she will be a couple hours late. So that means Jinyoung has the bedroom all for himself for quite a while, which he is grateful for. There is nothing better than reading a book in bed, especially in complete silence. It de-stresses him to the max.

Changing into his pajamas, he tucks himself into bed and picks up the book off his wooden nightstand. Feeling the hard cover on his fingers, he sighs. Opening the book with a small smile, the flimsy pages welcome him with familiar black lettering. This book is about a girl’s journal entries, each entry talking about each country she has visited. Her goal is to travel to every country on the globe, and it shows her struggles on trying to accomplish that goal. It’s a very enlightening book, also very descriptive with the way the author tells it. Jinyoung can almost feel like he is in her shoes and wow does he love that.

Reading, his eyes take in every word carefully, analyzing the paragraphs in full comprehension. Ruby, the girl in the book, is currently describing a small town in Peru. She found this lonesome town while accidently missing her stop on the bus she took. There, she finds a huge outdoor market that sells a variety of foods and clothes. Stray dogs walk around like they know the place, the owners of most of these small stores giving them some food to eat. The clothes are all so colorful and unique, the way she describes it has Jinyoung imagining it on his own body. He would look like pretty funny if he wore one of those thick multi-colored wool sweaters.

The ringing of his phone shrills in his ears, his mood turning sour. He swears if it’s one of those insect-repelling infomercials again he will yell.

Dropping his book to pick up his bothersome phone, he reads the contact I.D. shining brightly at his face.

 

_annoying french-fry kid is calling. . ._

This is worse than those stupid infomercials. It’s like ten times worse. So he ignores the call, hearing it ring until it goes silent, just the way Jinyoung likes it. Silence.

Grasping the book, Jinyoung picks it up only to drop it back down in surprise. His phone is ringing again. And much to his annoyance, it’s Yugyeom again. He thinks if he doesn’t pick up now, the kid will just keep calling and further irritate the elder. He could block him, but he’s sure Yugyeom means no harm.

“Hello?” Jinyoung says wearily, a bit pissed off that Yugyeom is disrupting his precious reading time. Placing a bookmark on the page he didn’t finish reading, he closes his book to place it on the nightstand as he waits for Yugyeom to respond.

“Ha I knew you’d pick up!” Yugyeom cheerily yelps down the phone, straight into Jinyoung’s ear. Jinyoung pulls the phone a little farther away with an annoyed expression, not wanting a squealing child to burst his eardrums.

“I was actually going to block you, but I didn’t want you to cry.” The elder admits. He really was tempted to block the kid, he is just too nice for his own liking. The only time Jinyoung ever blocked someone was when a dude named Jaebum kept on flirting with him, even after he told the guy that he has a girlfriend. Jaebum just wouldn’t quit, telling him he could make him gay, which just made Jinyoung really uncomfortable. That’s why he blocked Jaebum, for his own safety.

“Aww, how sweet of you hyung. You care about me.” The youngster says in a sickly sweet voice, a teasing undertone evident to Jinyoung. He rolls his eyes.

“Why did you call me?” Asks Jinyoung, just wanting to get back to reading his book in peace.

“Oh because my car broke down and I don’t know what to do.” A clueless Yugyeom says, causing Jinyoung to sit up straighter on his bed.

“Wait what do you mean broke down?” Was Yugyeom driving on the highway when suddenly his car just died on him? Did his brakes fly off? Is his battery just dead?

“Well I just finished my shift at Panera right, and I went to the parking lot to get into my car . . . and then it just wouldn’t turn on? It keeps on making this wheezing type of noise when I try to turn it on.” Jinyoung nods, listening to the helpless boy with interest. He may annoy the shit out of Jinyoung but Yugyeom is a nice kid, and he needs help.

“It’s probably your battery, here go turn on your car and tell me what you see glowing on your dashboard.” He tells the younger, a small okay being heard from the other end of the call along with some rustling. Listening carefully, Jinyoung hears the weird wheezing sound Yugyeom described as the kid does what he was told. After a few seconds, Yugyeom speaks again.

“A small red glowing box with a plus and a minus pops up.” He explains, and Jinyoung sighs because he knows what he has to do now. Without the kid asking him, he already knows what’s coming.

“So I’m guessing you want me to go over there and help huh?” The elder asks, already getting out of bed to go down to the living room. Walking down the same staircase Jisoo stomped on a day ago, Jinyoung hears the kid exclaim a happy yes. Not bothering to change out of his pjs, Jinyoung just slips on his all white sneakers and grabs his keys off the hook next to the door.

“Alright, text me your location. I’ll see you soon, don’t try to fix the car yourself because that will only make the situation worse.” He tells Yugyeom as he opens the door to close it behind him. The weather is nice, the sun still shining brightly at six in the evening.

“Ok, see you soon hyung!” Yugyeom cheerfully hangs up, leaving Jinyoung baffled. His car just broke down yet he sounds like he is just fine. What is wrong with him?

Or maybe Jinyoung is just too negative to see the positive in things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK sorry for the long wait, i'm still trying to get my shit together,, anyways hope you enjoy this update! leave me comments bc i love reading them!! xx


	5. Chapter 5

_i beg of you_

_clip my wings_

_no, set me free_

 

The drive wasn’t too bad, traffic mild and the radio playing a variety of music. Jinyoung didn’t suspect to get to the address this fast but hey he isn’t complaining. He just hopes they can resolve this issue quickly and get Yugyeom home safely. His parents must be worried sick, what if he has a curfew? If he is seventeen doesn’t that mean he is still in High School? God he has to ask about that. 

Pulling up to the parking lot of this small outdoor mall, he follows his GPS until it announces that he has arrived to the destination in a monotone voice. But looking up to where the GPS told him to stop at, he gets confused. He spots no Panera Bread, only a coffee shop and some expensive looking vegan restaurant. Maybe Yugyeom gave him the wrong address by accident, either way Jinyoung parks in the lot. He doesn’t turn off his car and fishes his phone out of his pajama’s pants pocket, going to his recents and clicking on Yugyeom’s contact. It automatically starts calling the youngster, so Jinyoung just waits. Yugyeom picks up after three rings.

“Jinyoung! Did you arrive yet?” The teen asks him, the sound of soft distant chatter echoing during Yugyeom’s silence.

“Well I don’t know, i’m at the address you sent me and all I see is a coffee shop and a restaurant. You sure you sent the right one?” He asks, hoping Yugyeom didn’t send him the wrong address. It will be a pain in the ass to drive somewhere else again, he shouldn’t even be out here in the first place. Why does he have to be so nice.

“Yeah you’re here, i’m inside the coffee shop. See you there!” Full of enthusiasm, the teen hangs up on a even more confused Jinyoung. It seems like Yugyeom leaves Jinyoung confused almost always, and he always ends up too curious for his own liking. Maybe Yugyeom works around here and walked to the coffee shop for a drink? Yeah that makes sense. 

Lips it a twist, Jinyoung gets out of his car. He locks it with two clicks of the car remote, making sure to safely tuck away his keys. Walking towards the cozy looking coffee shop, he has the sudden realization that he is wearing his pajamas. His black silk pajamas. Pink flushing his cheeks, he calms down his nerves before he gets an anxiety attack. People walk around with their pajamas sometimes, it’s no big deal Jinyoung thinks. Anyways it’s not like they’re drinking coffee in there, the elder is just going to pick him up and try to help him start his busted car. No big deal. 

Pushing the glass door open, Jinyoung is immediately hit with the aroma of grounded coffee beans. It oozes into him, a warm welcoming feeling overcoming his senses. Looking around the place is pretty interesting. The whole shop is decorated with scattered greenery, succulents and vines hanging from pots on the ceiling attracting his eyes. The walls are made of light wood, complementing the dark wooden furniture and floor quite fetchingly. Looking to his right he sees the baristas talking to one another behind the counter. The counter has glass under it, showcasing the many delicious desserts one can buy in a nice color coordinated order. He doesn’t get distracted by the desserts though, instead he catches a few words the baristas murmur to each other. 

“So cute” and  “I hope I look good.” is all he hears, but it’s enough to get the memo. 

Not in the mood to be hit on, Jinyoung turns around to his left and searches for the boy with bright yellow hair. Like a yellow crayon in a box of dark crayons, he finds Yugyeom sitting near a window. The boy is typing away at his phone, so he doesn’t notice Jinyoung walking towards the white table he is sitting at. Tapping the hard surface, he grabs yellow-haired boy’s attention, a smile as bright as his hair shining back at the elder.

“Hey hyung, glad you could make it.” Yugyeom locks his phone to lay it down on the table, giving his full attention to Jinyoung. He takes the opportunity to very non-discretely roam his eyes all over the man covered in silk pajamas. So Jinyoung only thinks it’s fair to do the same. 

Letting his eyes travel across the boy’s face, he takes note on how many beauty marks litter his milky skin. There is one peculiar mark right under his eye, the one that stands out the most. It’s kind of neat, makes the guy unique. Moving on down he sees that the boy is wearing a pink loose sweater with the same black skinny jeans he met him in. His feet adorn some pink pumas, completing the look very well. The kid has some good sense of style. 

“Where’s your car?” Straight to the point, Jinyoung asks about the problem instead of making small talk. He doesn’t want to be in here for longer than he needs to, his anxiety yelling at him to just leave. 

A sly smirk appears on the younger after Jinyoung asks the question, the grip on his pajama pants getting tighter in doubt. Almost as if planned, a waiter clad in a monochrome uniform comes up to them, standing right next to Jinyoung. He places the two coffee cups full of foam on top in front of both men with a small “Enjoy”. Once the waiter leaves, Yugyeom speaks up again. 

“I. . . lied.” And as slowly as those words are uttered, all the color drains from Jinyoung’s face. He can’t believe this kid made up all of that just for Jinyoung to come drink some stupid coffee he could probably make at home. He drove all the way out here for this?

“You’re a piece of shit.” Jinyoung spits angrily, Yugyeom’s face just scrunching up in laughter. Yeah, the kid is laughing at him for being so gullibly nice. How rude. 

“And how else was I supposed to convince you to come hang out with me? You wouldn’t come here on your own free will, I had to lie.” He explains, glancing at their coffee cups in yearning. Pushing his hair back, he glances up at Jinyoung’s pissed off expression again. 

“Because you’re literally a stranger,” He hisses, seeing Yugyeom’s eyes roll playfully.  “AND a minor!” Jinyoung half whispers the last part, not wanting to attract any attention. Thats the worst thing he can do.

“Why do you want to befriend me so badly kid?”

Yugyeom pouts his bottom lip out unconsciously, probably thinking about what to say. Staring at his pout, the boy licks his lips before speaking.

“Because you seem interesting, and I love interesting people.” French-fry boy shrugs. Eyes making contact with each other, the irritated man softens just a little bit. Not enough to wash away his anger though. 

“You shouldn’t have lied to me. Just forget I exist okay?” He huffs and sharply turns around to walk out of this pretty coffee shop. The man doesn’t care if he never sees Yugyeom again after this, because they aren’t friends and doesn’t think they were meant to be anyways. Crossing paths with this boy was just accidental, not intentional. Sure he paid for his groceries but the boy needed help, if it wasn’t for that Jinyoung would have ignored the kid like he ignored every other costumer in that store. 

But like the first time they met, Yugyeom stops him from leaving with a subtle touch. He places his smaller hand on Jinyoung’s bigger one resting on the table with no grip. Just lays it on, the warmth jerking Jinyoung to a halt. Peering back, he sees Yugyeom pout again, brown eyes big. 

“Give me a chance, please? If you don’t like me once we’ve gotten to know each other, I will leave out of your life for good.” The teenage boy says full of honesty, no teasing smile evident on his lips. With begging eyes, the smaller hand on his lightly lifts off, warmth gone. It forms into a fist, his pinky being the only finger sticking straight up. The older man understands what he means without any words needing to be said. All he sees is an honest kid who really wants to be friends with him, for some odd reason. 

Looking around in avoidance, he notices the flirty baristas staring at him from afar. Shaking his head, he mutters a small “I can’t believe i’m doing this.” before wrapping his pinky around the youngster’s. 

Glee seems to shine out of Yugyeom’s whole body, a small grin expressing how happy he actually is. They let go of each other so Jinyoung can take a seat, pulling the grey cushioned chair away from the table to then sit on it. Shuffling forwards, he wiggles around to get comfortable. Settled, Jinyoung looks at the foamy coffee in front of him in curiosity.

“What kind of coffee did you get me?” He asks, unsure of the contents this mysterious coffee cup holds. The foam looks good though.

“Caramel Macchiato, it’s my favorite! I wanted you to try it.” Yugyeom smiles, eagerly taking the cup in his hands. He smells it with an exaggerated sniff, almost childlike. Raising the cup to his lips, he closes his eyes as he exposes his peachy eyelids. And it’s at this moment that Jinyoung realizes that Yugyeom is wearing pink eyeshadow along with some eyeliner at the corners of his eyes. Not too noticeable unless you’re close. Very faint. 

“I’ve tried it before, I actually like it. Not my favorite though.” He takes his eyes off of the boy to glance at his own cup again, picking it up to take a sip. The caramel macchiatos he usually drinks is never this sweet, but it’s not making him want to barf so he’ll deal with it. Jisoo hates caramel macchiatos. 

“What’s your favorite coffee beverage then?” The teenager hums at the end of his question, licking at the foam mustache he acquired from the coffee afterwards. 

“Café Mocha, forever and always.” Jinyoung states. He has always been a sucker for chocolate, so a mocha is always perfect for his taste buds. Give Jinyoung a new book and a cup of hot mocha and he will love you forever. 

“Noted.” Yugyeom points at him in a silly manner, chuckling when he sees Jinyoung’s unimpressed expression. 

“So do you work the typical nine to five shift at the hospital?” He asks the raven haired man, taking another sip of his coffee. 

“Yeah I do, unless I get called in after my shift is over. But I work Monday through Friday.” He answers, the question about high school coming to mind. He might as well ask.

“Are you still in High School?” 

Yugyeom’s face drops, his smile being replaced with a thin line. 

“No, I dropped out.” He tells Jinyoung softly, the older man furrowing his eyebrows at his sudden mood change. 

“Why?” A simple word that seems to make Yugyeom squirm, quickly grabbing his coffee cup to take a generous gulp. Jinyoung just stares, not knowing why the boy is so nervous all of a sudden. 

“We’re just getting to know each other, let’s leave my dark past for another day.” He doesn’t bother to lick away the foam on his upper lip this time, an awkward cough coming out of him. Jinyoung understands the kid, it isn’t like he is going to open up about his personal issues on the first date. 

By date he means friend date. And by friend date he means strangers with no romantic feelings towards one another who are getting to know each other for the first time date. 

“It’s okay. Do you live on your own?” Coffee long forgotten on Jinyoung’s part, he gives his full attention to the mysterious boy in front of him. 

“Sorta, I live with my best friend BamBam in this shitty apartment but we make it work.” A small smile returns to his lips, his eyes all seeming to gleam at the mention of this guy named BamBam. Jinyoung can’t help but chuckle at his best friend’s peculiar name. 

“BamBam? As in the flintstones BamBam? Is he your imaginary friend or something?” 

Jinyoung earns a slap on the arm for that. This causes his eyes to widen and his mouth to open. Lips taunt into an oval shape, he narrows his eyes at the younger boy. And Yugyeom narrows his eyes right back at him. 

“You will not disrespect my best friend like that oldie. That’s his nickname, but I usually just call him Bam.” Sticking his nose up with a huff, the yellow haired teen folds his arms across his chest like a child throwing a tantrum. A tall child with a foam mustache.  Jinyoung shuts his mouth but keeps the intense glare going. 

“You’re a brat.” 

“And you like it.” Yugyeom snickers, the air around them no longer feeling tense. The older man doesn’t know how to respond to that statement without them bickering on and off afterwards, so he just ignores it. Instead he pays attention back to his drink, grabbing his lukewarm cup to sip tentatively out of it. The kid’s phone dings, his screen lighting up at the notification. Jinyoung takes a sneaky glance at the phone, looking at his lockscreen with wonder. He can’t decipher the image, so he stops trying and looks back at Yugyeom only to find out that he is looking right back at him. One of his hands are cupping his chin, supporting his tilted head. The other hand is still holding on to his coffee cup firmly. The look on the boy’s face is a mixture of curiosity and something else Jinyoung can’t figure out. It makes him uncomfortable. 

“So uhm, since you don’t go to school anymore, what are your plans for the future?” Awkward, Jinyoung feels his nerves threatening to spark up again, so he starts to gulp down the sweet coffee in desperation. What is he doing having a conversation with a teenage boy in a café? This isn’t like him at all. 

“Well my dream is to become a professional choreographer, you know like have my own dance studio and choreograph dances for famous artists. Maybe appear in a music video, it would make me so happy.” Yugyeom explains with hope laced in his voice. His face seems to brighten whenever he talks about something he loves, Jinyoung notes. 

“You dance?” He would have never taken the boy as a dancer, but now the more he looks at him the more it starts to make sense. Yugyeom has that slender body most male dancers seem to own, all long legs and broad shoulders. He also has a pretty long neck, but it suits him because of his broad shoulders. Jinyoung is significantly shorter than Yugyeom by a few inches for sure. 

“Yeah! I love dancing; it’s the only thing that brings joy in to my life. I live and breathe for it.” He states lively, the older man’s mood changing tentatively. He feels slightly better, his anxiety no longer trying to swallow him whole. It’s like Yugyeom’s childish livelihood is energizing the positive and eliminating the negative feelings in Jinyoung. Maybe. 

“Oh really? What types of music do you dance to?” Raising his cup, Jinyoung realizes that he no longer has coffee to drink. He must have downed that thing without realizing. He sets it down with a small dull clink. 

“Mostly r&b, electro house, and pop music. Michael Jackson songs are always great to dance to too.” The youngster smiles down at the table, his chin still being supported by his left hand.

“What about you hyung? Do you have any hobbies?” 

Jinyoung’s negative thoughts return in the blink of an eye. 

“No.” 

“Hmm, that’s strange. You look like the artistic type, the whole painting on canvases and i’ll paint you like a french girl artist.” Yugyeom says, giggling a few seconds after he responds. It’s a pure sound. 

“I don’t draw well.” Jinyoung admits miserably. He tried getting into art back in high school, went to an art club after school every Wednesday. He remembers the club event that ended it all for him, the dreaded club showcase. At the club showcase all of the school’s clubs had the opportunity to present what the club was all about, so of course the art club had to present art. Jinyoung decided to be bold and paint a globe on canvas because he thought it wouldn’t be that difficult. Well that’s what he thought until it was one in the morning and Jinyoung used up almost all of his paints trying to cover up his mistakes. The globe looked more like a messed up blue lollipop. In the end the painting ended up with a hole in it, the distraught teenager’s anger taking over him. That poor canvas was flung all over the room kicks and punches destroying it. So he just quit art because he was obviously not talented and patient enough for it. 

“Well, do you do anything besides fix bones?” The kid asks, eager to find out Jinyoung’s interests. 

“I mean I love to read, used to write, and would—nevermind.” He cuts himself off, not wanting to answer the intrusive questions the boy will ask if he tells him about traveling. His relationship is suffering a lot, and so is Jinyoung. Being reminded of that hurts. 

“Wait no, don’t do that. Tell me, complete the sentence.” Yugyeom begs once again, his eyes full of worry. With furrowed eyebrows, the younger speaks up in response to Jinyoung’s cold silence. 

“Jinyoung I want to know, please? I know we’re not friends yet, according to you, but I want to get to know you, the real you.” His pout returns, the air around Jinyoung feeling too warm all of a sudden. 

He knows Jisoo will come up in this next conversation, but if Yugyeom truly wants to be friends with Jinyoung he’ll have to know some upsetting stuff. Not all, but some. 

“My ultimate goal in life is to travel the world.” He tells him bitterly. 

Yugyeom’s eyes light up, the pout on his lips quickly turning into a giddy smile. It looks as if the boy just saw a puppy or something, why is he always so happy? 

“Woah that’s a crazy goal, but i’m sure a rich man like you will be able to accomplish it!” He laughs an airy laugh, assuming it is that simple for hopeless old Jinyoung. Too-loyal-to-disappoint-his-wife Jinyoung. 

“I don’t think that’s possible anymore.” _If I were single it would be possible though._ Jinyoung leaves that last thought in his head. 

“Uhh how come?” _Because my fiancé is probably scared that i’ll cheat on her on one of my travels, which is ridiculous because i’m as loyal as a trained dog._  

“Because my fiancé doesn’t want me to travel alone.” Jinyoung shrugs. His response makes Yugyeom tilt his head in ambivalence.

“Huh, I didn’t know you were engaged. Either way why does she not want you to travel by yourself?” 

Jinyoung shrugs again. 

“She said she would feel lonely if I left.” Trapping his bottom lip under his pearly teeth, he bites down on the flesh softly. A nervous tick he has been doing since childhood. His mother always discouraged it, telling him he will get injures that lead to infection if he doesn’t stop. Blood sometimes did come out but those small cuts would always heal within a week. So he never listened to her, and now it’s a part of him. 

“Well I would feel lonely if BamBam traveled somewhere for a while too, but I wouldn’t stop him from going.” Yugyeom pointedly tells Jinyoung, a bite in his words. It bites into Jinyoung’s aching heart, a sharp pain traveling through his body. It hurts because he knows it’s rational. The teenager is telling the truth. 

“I have to respect her though.” He weakly responds, not daring to make eye contact with the boy. Jinyoung feels too exposed. 

“No hyung, she has to respect YOU.” Yugyeom emphasizes the last word with power, wanting to get his point across clearly. And he does, because the melancholic man’s heartbeat begins to beat fast, panic taking over. Yugyeom can’t be right. She does respect him. 

“You will never understand, you’re still a kid. Can we just talk about something else?” Jinyoung asks as he tries to calm down.

Yugyeom nods, a sigh automatically slipping out of the elder’s lips. That makes the younger’s eyebrow quirk up in a questioning manner. He’s just thankful his stressful engagement won’t be talked about anymore. Nevertheless, Yugyeom looks down at his lap as he brings his hand under the table, probably taking something out of his pocket. Struggling for a few seconds, Jinyoung watches as he stops squirming and brings a wrapped lollipop up to his face. Unwrapping it with his teeth, the teen lets the plastic wrapper fall on the table to stick the sugar-filled candy in his mouth. He swirls it around fluidly, like he’s been doing this for years. Some sort of lollipop addict that has no shame in being noisy, the clinking of candy on teeth surrounding him. Without realizing he was staring at the younger’s lips, Jinyoung snaps out of it and lets his eyes travel up to the boy’s eyes. Only to see that the garish boy is staring directly at him all over again. Without looking away, Yugyeom asks the next question with a pop of the purple candy exiting his lips.

“Do you like men?” Pop.

“Yeah.” The lollipop held in the air by his angular hand tilts, the inside of his wrist peeking out of his pink sweater. Slowly licking the purple sphere on a stick, the boy curiously continues.

“Ever been with a man before?” Lick. 

“Once.” Jinyoung responds, skimming his glance to the nearest potted plant. The leaves are green and luscious, no sign of malnutrition seen by the raven-haired man. 

Yugyeom hums, sucking on the candy before talking again. 

“Spill the beans hyung.” Raising that cheeky goddamn eyebrow again, Jinyoung curses under his breath.

“It happened when I was in High School, it was no big deal.” Trying to avoid the topic due to embarrassment, Jinyoung sweeps it under the rug. It wasn’t a big deal and it still isn’t. Teenagers go through that curious phase sometimes, shit happens and that’s that. Yeah after that whole thing happened he realized he romantically likes boys as much as girls, but that doesn’t matter now because he found his lifelong partner which happens to be a girl.

“Well since it wasn’t a big deal, tell me then.” Yugyeom insists, ticking the hell out of the elder. 

“Why do you want to know so badly?” He begins to bite his lip again, quietly wincing at the pressure. He is such a nervous wreck all of the time, it’s so irritating. 

“Because I’m gay and love a good hook-up story.” The teenager reveals nonchalantly. Yugyeom doesn’t look worried in the slightest, obviously comfortable with his own sexuality. Now that’s something Jinyoung has always had trouble with. Being comfortable with his sexuality. That’s why when the cute platinum-haired boy asked him out on a date in sophomore year of High School, Jinyoung was hesitant. The junior, Lee Minhyuk, was out and proud, he wasn’t afraid to be his true self and the whole school knew that. On the contrary Jinyoung had no idea what he was doing. He had no idea if he liked the outgoing Minhyuk or not, if he had the desire to be his boyfriend. What he did know is that he found him to be very cute, so he eventually took the chance and gave it a go. The chance turned into more inclusive dates, going over each other’s houses to watch shows and eat takeout at ungodly hours on the weekends. Minhyuk soon became the best part of his days, looking forward to seeing the charming boy every day. Even if Minhyuk walked Jinyoung to his class, that short walk became a memory the younger would ponder about for the rest of the day. He just couldn’t get him out of his head, so he decided to keep him instead. 

When Minhyuk eventually asked Jinyoung to be his boyfriend, he said yes. Why not, Jinyoung wanted to be by his side 24/7. He wanted to hold his hand, kiss his lips, and go places with him. Boyfriends do that. They did that. Jinyoung wasn’t out yet simply because he still didn’t know what his sexuality was, so when his parents asked if Jinyoung was gay he confusedly said that he doesn’t know. He did tell them that he was dating Minhyuk, and they accepted it. It was no problem with his parents and friends, so why was it a problem for Jinyoung? It’s not like he doesn’t want to be gay, he was Minhyuk’s boyfriend. Well it all crumbled down when things between both boys got sexual. They made out and did stuff hormonal boys would do together, but when Jinyoung found himself under Minhyuk for the first time, he panicked. 

 _“Babe I can’t do this.”_

_“Oh? I understand. We can wait as long as you like.”_

_“No, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do this.”_  

He will always remember the heartbreak he caused Minhyuk, the tears and the woe afterwards. At some point Jinyoung regretted breaking up with Minhyuk, missing the boy way too much it almost ached all over his body. But he decided that if he couldn’t give himself completely to his lover then it wouldn’t be fair to both of them. He knows Minhyuk wanted to have sex with him, but he was too scared to try. That ended their six-month relationship. 

“Earth to Jinyoung!” Startled, Jinyoung blinks rapidly to get back to his senses. The disorientation starts to subside the more he focuses on the yellow-haired boy in front of him. The purple lollipop seems to have gotten smaller. 

“Sorry, what were you saying?” Jinyoung asks. 

“I asked if it was a friends with benefits thing.” Yugyeom licks his lollipop.

“More of a I-don’t-want-to-have-sex-with-you thing.” Sighs the man, suddenly wondering what the time is. He hopes he hasn’t been out here for too long, he has work tomorrow and he loves to sleep. 

“Ouch, poor dude.” The boy physically winces, sucking on his lollipop some more. Jinyoung twists his lips while he checks the time on his stainless steel Burberry watch, the small black lines reading; 8:43pm. 

“It’s almost nine, I think I should get going.” He clears his throat, placing his palms on the table to raise him up out of his seat. Standing, Yugyeom perks up and stands up too. This just confirms that Yugyeom is taller than Jinyoung, the older man’s dominance taking a hit. 

“You mean we.” The taller boy smiles timidly, lollipop stick poking out of his plump lips. He picks up his empty coffee cup off the table and waits. Jinyoung follows his lead, pursing his lips at Yugyeom’s statement. 

“Don’t you have a car?” He asks, but then remembers. . 

“I do but not with me, Bam dropped me off here after I finished work. So you,” The kid takes two steps forward to dig his pointer finger on to Jinyoung’s chest. “have to take me home.” He swats the finger away in annoyance. 

“Why do you like seeing me suffer?” Jinyoung sighs. He isn’t saying no to the kid.

 

...

 

Avril Lavigne is blasting through the speakers, the whole car vibrating along with the bass of the song. It’s not raised all the way up, but it is causing Jinyoung a mild headache. He tried to turn the volume down but Yugyeom, being the mischievous teen he is, would smack his hand everytime. And Jinyoung can’t do anything about it because he is driving. So he has to sit through Yugyeom shouting the lyrics to ‘Girlfriend’ in a very rowdy way, bouncing up and down in his seat. The open window at his side is blowing his hair in all sorts of directions, the teenager looking like a lunatic. 

“I CAN SEE THE WAY I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME!” Curse the easy bluetooth to phone connection on his high-tech radio. 

Keeping his eyes on the road, Jinyoung tries his hardest to concentrate. The highway is pretty empty right now, no blinding lights bothering his vision every three seconds. The sky is also very pretty, midnight blue scattered with tiny bright dots. The palm trees on either side of the highway just add to the beautiful scenery. 

“HEY HEY YOU YOU I DONT LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!” The boy beside him yells loudly, their exit on the highway coming up after two more exits. It turns out that Yugyeom lives about 5 towns away from his; in West Park. Jinyoung has never been to West Park before so he is blindly following his GPS’s instructions with per-caution. Last thing he needs is to get lost at night. 

“I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! WOOOOOOOOO!!!” Yugyeom screeches, Jinyoung’s poor ears probably internally bleeding by this point. He thought Yugyeom yelling along to some BTS song was loud, but boy was he wrong. 

“IN A SECOND YOU’LL BE WRAPPED AROUND MY FINGER! CAUSE I CAN, CAUSE I CAN DO IT BETTER!!” Focused, Jinyoung’s eyes widen when the youngster wiggles his long finger in the air right in front of him, going along with the lyrics. The older man opens his mouth to bite down on the disturbance, but Yugyeom gets the memo and takes his finger away. 

The kid continues to shout out the lyrics happily, not having a care in the world. Jinyoung turns on his right turn signal to weave lanes and exit, looking around to familiarize himself with the road. There is an intersection in front of him, so he slows down accordingly until the car stops. Cars wiz by him in blurry bold colors, peeled eyes looking for an opportunity to turn left. He finds said opportunity when a silver car in the distance turns right on a street before this intersection. Turning the wheel, they drive under a bridge and over some train-tracks afterwards. Jinyoung didn’t know a train ran by here. Either way, he keeps on driving down the wide road, listening to Yugyeom sing along to some Lana Del Rey song now. 

“No one knows how hard life was, I don’t even think about it now because I finally found you!” The yellow-haired boy sings, the road seeming to stretch on forever. Jinyoung’s GPS is telling him to keep on going straight until 48th street, where he has to make a right. So he just has to keep his cool and let Yugyeom yell in his car for a couple more minutes, he can do it.

And wow does Yugyeom have energy. They’re two minutes away from his house now yet the kid is still dancing in his seat, shouting any lyric he knows. It’s like the music is his battery. Luckily Jinyoung arrives to the younger’s house just as the boy starts playing some punk rock song that would surely give him a headache. 

“We’re here.” The elder quickly clicks on the radio touchscreen and un-syncs the kid’s phone from it, making the electric guitar riffs stop. He receives a big huff. 

“But your car is so fun, I don’t wanna leave.” Yugyeom pouts as he looks at his phone disappointedly, the guitar riffs sounding far much lousier without the high-tech radio connected to it. 

“I feel a headache coming in, so would you please just go before I get cranky.” Jinyoung’s lips go into a thin line, not really wanting to argue with Yugyeom right now. He just wants to go home. 

“Aha! See? You really do care about me!” The kid sitting next to him exclaims with a beaming smile. Unimpressed, Jinyoung stares at him with sharp eyes. 

“Well of course I do, you’re just a kid.” He says, ticking Yugyeom off.

“I’m not just a goddamn kid! That shit annoys me!” The younger fumes, making Jinyoung groan in frustration. His whining really isn’t helping the incoming headache. 

“Yugyeom. .” 

“I’m a person with personality, not just some kid you feel pity for.” The timid tone that surrounds the elder’s ears makes the whole atmosphere tense. Well at least for Jinyoung. He doesn’t want Yugyeom to cry or something, god he wouldn’t know what to do. 

The man stays quiet, not knowing if he should apologize to the younger or shoo him away.

“Anyways you promised to give me a chance and tell me if you wanted to be my friend or not.” 

Jinyoung hums at the boy, clearly remembering the pinky promise they made. 

“Are we friends Jinyoung?” 

The car’s engine fills the silence between them, the night sky casting shadows on both men. The older man decides to look at the kid sitting beside him with a stressed expression, because are they friends or are they not? If Jinyoung says no then that means Yugyeom will leave with a disappointed heart, probably not contacting him anymore. The no contact with Yugyeom thing is a pro, but he doesn’t want to hurt the kid either. If Jinyoung says yes then the kid will be happy when he leaves, but that means they’ll have to be in contact like ACTUAL friends. It’s not like he has many friends to begin with, so one more won’t kill him right? Jinyoung honestly doesn’t want to be friends with Yugyeom but the kid is basically depending on their friendship now. He’s screwed. 

“Yeah, I guess we are friends now.” He chose to sacrifice himself tonight. No one can call him selfish from now on, not like he was before he met Yugyeom. This is just a big sacrifice. 

The yellow-haired boy literally turned his frown upside down in the blink of an eye, a small “Really?!” turning into excited reallys being asked every three seconds.

“Okay if you say really one more time i’ll change my mind.” Jinyoung points his index finger at Yugyeom strictly, the young boy nodding almost immediately at his statement. It sorta resembled a obedient puppy waiting for a treat. 

“Alright well,” Clapping his hands together once, Yugyeom proceeds to unbuckle his seatbelt and glance at Jinyoung once again. “I’ll see you soon. . friend.” 

Jinyoung is gonna regret this soon isn’t he? 

“Yeah yeah sure.” He waves him away, watching him fix his sweater before grabbing his phone and shoving it in his jean’s pocket. Yugyeom unlocks his door and pulls the handle open, the door opening. Jinyoung continues to watch him as the younger shuts the door and walks in front of the car to get to his house. A question nags in Jinyoung’s mind so he decides to ask it before it keeps him up at night. 

“Hey Yugyeom?” The boy stops in his tracks to turn around and face the curious elder. 

“Yeah?” 

“How’d you make that weird car noise on the phone?” Staring, Yugyeom giggles before answering his question spot on. 

Jinyoung hears the same noise he heard in their phone call coming out of boy’s mouth, and that just makes the irritation boost to an 80%. So the elder puts the car into drive and leaves a laughing Yugyeom behind him, his laughs becoming quieter the more he drives. What a day huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes sorry im a mess :/


	6. Chapter 6

_ beams of light start to poke at me _

_ yes, insanity at best _

_ i’ll be okay if i just rest _

Work has become a bit stressful for Jinyoung. He is getting a lot of patients now, which means more appointments and possible surgeries to do. The man has already done two surgeries this week, so he is exhausted. Jisoo has been way nicer to him due to him being increasingly distant. This should relieve Jinyoung but, quite frankly, it just irritates him. Her random compliments and acts of fondness just confuse him more, adding to his stress. He doesn’t need any of her pity. Doesn’t need her small soft hands on him.

The large living room is neat now, Jinyoung’s disliking for messy things overtaking his desire to rest. He swept the whole room, finding dust in places he didn’t think dust would be in. He also found a couple of coins and crumbs under the sofa cushions. Moping the floor came after he cleaned every inch of their living room, wanting to see his tired expression reflect back at him. And he succeeded in doing so, dark bags under his eyes visible to his blank eyes.

So when Jisoo comes walking through the door, you can’t blame the man for groaning under his breath. He just had a couple minutes to himself, catching up on his most recent book. Can’t he have a couple more?

“Hi baby.” His fiancé smiles brightly at him, locking the door in a noisy click. Way too noisy. Acknowledging her, Jinyoung smiles wearily and nods her way.

Not accepting his nod, Jisoo, being the stubborn woman she is, puts her purse away to make her way to her stressed fiancé. Sitting down next to him carefully, she rakes her eyes all over his laidback form. But what she doesn’t know is that he is far from laidback. He is annoyed. He JUST cleaned the floor and she still has her shoes on.

“You look really handsome like this.” He hears her say, his focus on the book slowly being washed away by her presence. Jisoo’s blueberry scented perfume invades his little personal bubble, and oh god does he want to just get up and lock himself in their bathroom. That sounds bad but his mind is at a bad place right now.

Jinyoung responds with a hum. All that he hears next is her shuffling closer to him. And then he feels her, which he doesn’t appreciate at all.

Jisoo’s hand is traveling up his thigh.

“It’s been long since we’ve had some fun hasn’t it?”

Her hand gets closer to the area he wants off limits and that’s when he breaks. Pushing her hand away as gentle as he can, Jinyoung gets up from the sofa with a tongue-click. Pulling the book close to his chest, he flares his nostrils silently as he ventures to their bedroom. And of course Jisoo is right behind his trail.

“What’s wrong with you Jinyoung?” Heels click on their stupid marble stairs.

Still walking, Jinyoung takes a sharp left and hurriedly makes his way to their shared bedroom. The gray wooden door shines like a beacon in his eyes. He just wants to be alone.

“Speak to me! I’m your fiancé you can’t just treat me like this.” A shudder runs through the rushing man’s spine when he hears her voice get progressively louder. Whenever Jisoo gets angry, his blood turns to ice. It’s scary. He just wants to be alone.

Holding the book with his right hand, Jinyoung grips the door handle with his left quickly. His mind just thinks about their bed and the silence he could drown in if Jisoo just left him alone. He just wants to be alone.

His fiancé’s hand finds his though, and soon enough he is turned around and pushed on to the closed door he was dying to get through. The red book falls out of his hand, landing in between them both. Jisoo’s neck is flushed scarlet in anger. So Jinyoung decides that the floor is more interesting than that.

“Why are you doing this to me? Do you think I enjoy being around you when you get so,” He sees her feet get closer to his. “so cold?”

Jinyoung never told her about his diagnosed major depression disorder. This is why whenever he is having his manic episodes he wants to be alone so she doesn’t suspect anything. He learned that she doesn’t know how to deal with mentally unstable people the first time he had an episode in front of her. That’s why it’s a secret now.

Jisoo grabs him again, lifting his chin up so they can have some eye contact. Well at least he thought so, because Jinyoung keeps his stare at the ground. Call him stubborn if you want, but he just really doesn’t want to be here right now.

“Look at me for gods sake.”

Silence follows.

“Jinyoung.”

Silence yet again.

“Are you kidding-“

“I just want to be alone.”

And surprisingly enough silence doesn’t follow afterwards. Instead he hears Jisoo scoff at his words, and then feels her on him again. Yet this time, he feels her in a way he never thought he would. In a way he dreaded to feel her.

As quick as lightning striking a tree, the raven-haired man feels her hand fly down on to his right cheek. It stings like hell. It made his head turn to the left swiftly with the force. Lips parted, Jinyoung’s eyes shake and blur over inconsistently, his heart racing a mile a second. His brain feels like complete mush by this point. He doesn’t know how to process what just happened. _What just fucking happened?_

“If you truly want to be alone then so be it. I’m going to be at Lisa’s for however fucking long you want to be alone for. Don’t suspect me to call you anytime soon, because this is all on you Jinyoung.” Jisoo tells him, but he can’t really see anything. Everything feels fuzzy. He does feel her push him off of the door, and he does hear her rummaging through their closet. Hears the zip of some bag being opened and closed minutes later. Hears her heels shuffle past him along with some wheels being rolled on the floor. Hears a door being slammed shut and the echo of his heart beating in his ears afterwards. The silence makes it difficult to cope with his overwhelming emotions, as if nothingness was suddenly replaced with everything all at once. Making his heart sting more than the slap, the floor beneath his clammy palms cooling him. Why is he on the floor? How’d he get here?

Tears leak out of him like a running faucet, and he doesn’t care. He hasn’t cared about much these days. His patients, well of course he cares about them for obvious reasons. He also cares about Jisoo and their baby. God they’re going to have a baby soon so why the hell is this happening? Why the hell does he feel so hopeless when the woman he loves is carrying his only hope inside of her? _Why why why why why why. ._

He got what he wanted. He’s alone. He shouldn’t be in so much pain then, right?

But he messed up. All of this feels like his fault. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. For now Jinyoung can’t think clearly, everything is just too much to handle. He needs to calm down. He doesn’t know how he’ll manage to do that, but he’ll figure it out. Yeah, that should help.

 

…

 

It’s really sunny out today. Kids are running around with their friends, some trapping soccer balls with their feet and others having fun with their parents. Teenagers are either biking or just having a picnic on the grass around him. Jinyoung doesn’t care.

He always liked this park. The expansive greenery swarms anyone who enters in a comforting way. As if the trees and plants are hugging you wherever you go. A lot of people come to this humongous park to bike, fish, kayak, or to simply go swimming in the pretty lake this place offers. Jinyoung usually goes to this park to explore the trails and catch a glimpse of the wildlife here. He might even get lucky enough to take a picture of a skittish sandhill crane someday. Hopefully, it would be pretty awesome. Taking a picture of a crocodile or an alligator would be pretty cool too. You see whenever he is here he sort of feels like he isn’t living his current life, if that makes any sense. He feels detached from reality, like this park is a gateway to another world. Jinyoung tends to let his thoughts wander while he indulges himself with nature. Getting lost in the rough trails instead of your own mind sort of helps you forget about your problems. Sort of makes you feel safe.

So there he is, starring at the never-ending crystal ocean. Gripping on to the wooden bench he is sitting on, Jinyoung feels his emotions tug at his heart once again. He feels Jisoo on him again, hitting him. He feels the burn and state of shock that came afterwards. He feels his heart crumbling at the thought, because why the hell did she hit him? She never hit him ever. He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on her, let alone think about hitting her. He loves her too much to do such a thing.

This is all so complicated. So starring at the sea seems like the best option right now.

Dormant like his love, the ocean sways with tiny waves creeping up against the rocky shore in front of him. The bright hot sun in the distance shines on the body of water peacefully. Peaceful. That’s what he doesn’t feel right now. His mind is running a mile a minute with the memory of Jisoo’s painful words and actions; with the way her eyes threw daggers into his heart. He’s never seen this side of her before. Yeah she’s been mean and they’ve argued before, but never like this. It’s like a switch in his fiancé clicked, turned on something Jinyoung honestly is terrified of. He is scared of his fiancé. That’s not right. But he loves her, love is right. Right?

Light tan fur in front of a black backdrop blocks the view of the pretty ocean, followed along with a few startling barks. Turns out there is a big fluffy dog sitting right in front of him. And the black backdrop actually is somebody’s jeans. But that doesn’t matter right now because, the dog is a Shiba Inu and oh boy does Jinyoung love those dogs. They are his favorite breed, being gifted with one on Christmas when he was six. He was a child and had no idea how to take care of another living being but that didn’t stop them. The two boys became best friends; it was Ren and Jinyoung forever. But twelve years later Jinyoung was left alone. No Ren. So of course Jinyoung misses Ren. Misses his warm comfort, his sweet kisses, and the adorable hops he did whenever he got excited. He was his best friend.

Staring, he watches as the dog quickly lifts his paws onto his knees as a greeting. Tongue out and drool dripping, the chubby dog licks at Jinyoung’s hands happily before being commanded to sit down. The owner of the voice sits down next to Jinyoung, their long legs covered tight in dark denim. It makes his eyes wander back to the dog sitting in front of him, because staring at a stranger isn’t always nice. Staring at a fluffy dog is way better, yeah.

“I didn’t think you’d be here too, are you stalking me old man?”

Thank god he is too emotionally distraught to care right now. Yugyeom’s voice doesn’t cause anything to him, doesn’t bother him. It’s just another familiar voice to his ears.

“I love this park.” Is all he says.

“Honey does too, that’s why we’re here. I make sure to walk her here at least once a week.” Yugyeom’s high-pitched voice enters one ear and leaves through the other. Something about being here once a week?

“Okay.” The ocean in front of him keeps rocking back and forth with the wind, the tiny gentle waves becoming more and more violent as seconds pass. Seconds of Jinyoung replaying the argument in his head, the feeling of Jisoo’s glare burning his skull into pieces. Seconds of what if’s. What if he faked that he wasn’t feeling well, that he was sick. What if he just left the house before she got there. What if he hadn’t opened his dumb mouth and just let her do whatever she wanted with him.

This really feels like it’s all his fault. And it really feels like a bucket was poured on his hair, the sensation of cold water running down his back bringing him back to reality.

Looking around, he notices that it’s raining. No, pouring. Really hard. He also notices that Yugyeom is no longer sitting next to him, put instead standing in front of him with one hand extended forward and the other holding on to the dog’s leash tightly. The yellow-haired boy’s expression is frantic, reading the words ‘Let’s go’ off of his lips, not actually hearing anything. Jinyoung is partly here. Partly taking in Yugyeom’s wet hair, how the raindrops are sliding down his young face as if he is made out of porcelain. Partly watching his clothes get soaked to the point where you can see all of his lean muscles, the typical dancer body being exposed. Water accumulates on the younger’s extended palm, the small puddle leaking and running down the cracks of his fingers like tiny waterfalls. But he is still here, with his dog barking and wet clothes. He is still here. And for what?

Jinyoung doesn’t know but goes and grabs the wet hand in front of him anyways. And it’s then that all of his senses return to him. The tall boy acts fast and takes the opportunity to intertwine their hands, pulling Jinyoung up from the soggy bench to begin running to the nearest exit. His dog, which has a name that he can’t remember, leads the way as if she has the map to this park. Thick raindrops fall hard on the dirt trail, the crackling sound mixing in with their squelching footsteps. Dirt splatters on their jeans, arms, and on the dog. Trees wiz by them along with birds flying away from the storm, it looks like a scene from a horror movie. But why doesn’t it feel that way? Why does it feel freeing? Running in the rain like this, with nature painting a pretty picture around him as if it is just made for him? It’s almost as if he can follow the birds in flight. But the strong hand gripped around his own is keeping him grounded. _Yugyeom. ._

Casting his eyes on to the boy running next to him, a big smile is what he sees. His eyes seem to be smiling along with his mouth too, two crescent moons curving downwards instead of upwards. Nose crinkled like a child’s does when they smell something gross, Jinyoung hears him laugh. He looks likes he’s having a good time. Perhaps careless. Very childlike in nature. Something Jinyoung hasn’t felt ever since he graduated High School. He had to mature fast in order to go into the career he chose. It would be easier for him, and it reflected in his grades. He was an A+ student.

But, he misses being care-free. Misses it more than Ren, more than anything really. The man is always thinking about something, always stressing about everything. He wonders what it’s like to just live life to the fullest.

So he smiles. He smiles back at Yugyeom just because he can.

 

…

 

You know when you forget something but have snippets of whatever you forgot trying to re-piece itself? Like your brain wants to remember. A craving. This is what Jinyoung is feeling, craving. The broken man craves to remember how to feel anything but despondency. Being locked in your own mind is exhausting. It’s so familiar that it’s gotten to the point where it’s unhealthy. A reliability. He knows he needs therapy. But he has responsibilities. His job, his future baby, a whole wedding to plan with his soon to be wife in a couple months time. Therapy would just consume valuable time. Jisoo wouldn’t like that at all, and he rather not hear her complain or even yell at him for being selfish and weak.

He guesses letting loose to take his mind off of the terrible situation in hand is the best option. So what if they got dirt, mud, and water all over his fancy leather car seats. He can pay to get his car cleaned later, it’s nothing to stress over. He should NOT stress over something so feeble. He will learn not to let stress control his life, he will try. That’s an internal promise.

So now Jinyoung finds himself standing in Yugyeom’s kitchen, the boy fresh out of the shower with wet hair and clothes too tight.

“I need a drink.” The older man admits, gripping on to the tabletop behind him with fortitude. He needs a drink badly.

“Luckily Bammie’s older boyfriend works at a club, so he gets drinks for us whenever we want some!” Yugyeom sing-songs back at Jinyoung, too cutely for someone grabbing the nearest hard liquor displayed in one of the mahogany kitchen cabinets. Opening another cabinet to grab the cups, the minor fluidly pours the liquor into the cups very easily. Once finished, Yugyeom swiftly turns around to face the elder and timidly smiles as he makes his way to said man. Hell disguised as Heaven.

Without a word, both men clink glasses and down the alcohol in quick short gulps. The burning sensation travels all the way down to the pit of Jinyoung’s stomach along with his morals. He just had a drink with a minor, of course he is out of his mind but he kind of likes it. Anything to take his mind off of what happened hours ago.

“I’m a lightweight hyung.” The scent of alcohol hits the elder’s nostrils when the small voice in front of him speaks up. The proximity of the two suddenly becomes evident, the young boy standing a mere three inches away with innocent eyes melting like dark chocolate. A view Jinyoung steps away from, going back to the bottle of liquor to pour more of it in his cup. Up to the brim.

“I can hold my liquor.” He firmly declares, more of a reassurance than a statement. Because he can, and god it’s been such a long time since he’s drank and just had fun. He needs to go out more, might hit up Mark or Hyungwon to go to a club sometime this week. Yeah, that sounds great. He pours himself another one to that. Yugyeom is quick to snatch the drink in Jinyoung’s hand though, the annoying kid gulping down the alcohol with a strong ‘Ahhh’. That doesn’t stop the elder from pouring himself another drink. He wants to feel the poison in his system enough to see his surroundings covered in a fog.

“And I can dance really well, wanna see? Oh please say yes mister. You’ll love it.” The dicey boy flutters his long eyelashes comically. Confidence oozes from Yugyeom as he practically begs Jinyoung to say yes. At this point, why not right?

“Sure, lead the way kid.” Gulping down another, Jinyoung grabs the liquor bottle as tight as Yugyeom grabs his dirty free hand to giddily drag the man out of the kitchen. Footsteps echo as they make their way down the small peach painted hallway and into the last room on the right, going through the opened door labeled ‘Dance’ with a hanging metal plaque. Once inside, Jinyoung takes everything in. There are two huge mirrors going from the floor up to the ceiling together on the wall in front of them. A towel rag is folded neatly on a small bench at the wall next to the door, opposite the large mirrors. The white room in general is pretty spacey. Perfect for dancing.

And that’s exactly what the teen is about to do, the small orange bluetooth speaker in the corner of the room being turned on to start blasting some rap song. Is this Nicki Minaj? Jinyoung doesn’t know but it sounds like her. _This has to be Nicki Minaj._  That doesn’t matter though because suddenly Yugyeom starts moving his body and that’s it. The teen grabs the man’s full attention. Long limbs bend and snap in a fast paced rhythm, the beat of the song intoxicating the youngster’s body just like alcohol. It has him in a trance. The music controls Yugyeom, different combinations of movements being thrown left and right like muscle memory. One arm goes under the other, his head tilts to the left, a kick, a dip, a body roll. The boy goes with the flow and Jinyoung can’t look away. Can’t even sit down. He is just frozen at the entrance of the room. The fog he has been chasing finally clouds his vision and it just makes this whole thing ten times more appealing. Ten times more mesmerizing. Ten times more incredible. Ten times more, more beautiful? Then the song gets slow, so slow it makes the kid gyrate his hips all the way down to the floor with a sensual hand on his crotch and wow okay, that calls for another drink. Fuck the cup, Jinyoung tips the bottle into his opened mouth and downs it like water. Because what the hell has he gotten himself into? What is he doing here, and why is he enjoying himself?

Still, Jinyoung keeps on soaking all of Yugyeom in. Every step, every pop, every sway. Every inch of Yugyeom’s body is under the raven-haired man’s astonished gaze. Every movement he exerts makes the fog whirl around him. Like a tornado forming. Storming it’s way through delicate villages. Destroying any sturdy foundation made with a lot of hard work and effort. Viciously pulling wreckage closer and closer to it’s inevitable doom. Oh so dangerously ringing the alarms in Jinyoung’s head to _get the fuck out of here._

Yet, songs after songs pass. Minutes turn into hours. One finished bottle turns into three. And unfortunately, dancing turns into puking.

He notices how Yugyeom doubles over during one of his dances, and being somewhat conscience, Jinyoung knows what’s about to happen if he doesn’t act fast. Jumping off the bench, the older man rushes up to the kid and scoops him up bridal style with wobbly legs. He is surprisingly light, thank the heavens. Groaning in annoyance, Yugyeom meekly punches Jinyoung’s chest and rasps out to “Hurry up”. In a dizzy haze, Jinyoung goes out to the hallway in a panic. Glancing left and right, a maze of doors greet the man. Almost mocking. Mostly irritating. But he manages to not fall and open door after door until he sees the white porcelain bowl shining like treasure after a successful quest. Yugyeom has both of his hands over his mouth now, the constant heaving acting like a time bomb. It ticks hard in Jinyoung’s ears, so he makes sure to beat the eruptive kid and gently places him in front of the toilet on his knees. And long behold, vomit fills up the bowl with a gross stench. A win in Jinyoung’s book.

“I m-m-might be. .” Another heave surges through the tall boy in front of him. Being stubborn, Yugyeom covers his mouth with uncoordinated hands to keep the nasty bile from escaping his swollen cherry lips. “a-a little tips—”

But he doesn’t get to finish his sentence because vomit rises up yet again and doubles the poor kid over the white bowl to puke it all out. It’s pitiful really, pitiful for the both of them. For Yugyeom well, because he is obviously feeling ill and can’t control it. And for Jinyoung because he allowed the teenager to get to this bad state. It fills him with worry and hatred. Hatred for not being a responsible adult and stopping Yugyeom from downing a whole bottle of liquor with him. The kid is only seventeen for fucks sake. He’s really fucked up for allowing this.

Either way, what’s done is done. All there is left to do is find a solution.

_ Well how about making him change into more comfortable clothes and letting him rest? _

Jinyoung has done that for Mark a bunch of times while they were in College. The few times Mark dragged Jinyoung to a frat party it always ended with Jinyoung dragging Mark back home and taking care of his semi-consious body afterwards. Sometimes Mark really let himself go too far and he would be COMPLETELY unconscious. Then Jinyoung would have to change him himself and that wasn’t fun. So it won’t be weird. It will only be weird if he makes himself believe it’s weird. He’s just helping a friend out.

_ A seventeen year old intoxicated friend. _

The kid dry heaves and that’s the older man’s queue to get into action. Shaking the nervousness away, Jinyoung swallows the uncomfortable knot in his throat to bend down and pick up Yugyeom yet again. Feeling just a bit more heavier. The boy giggles and hiccups, awkward monolids blinking one at a time until he seems to adjust on Jinyoung’s arms. He mumbles something incomprehensible, grips on to soft shoulders like a little kid gripping on to their parent. It makes Jinyoung stumble. Stumbles into what he presumes is Yugyeom’s room and lays the tall boy down on the navy blue bedsheets with a thump. His yellow hair sticks up in every direction and contrasts so much on the bedsheets that he kind of looks like a dandelion. It’s endearing. It makes Jinyoung chuckle. Getting back to the task in hand, Jinyoung leaves to clumsily find his way to the boy’s kitchen. Thinking hard, he jogs to the fridge and opens it. The noisy machine whirs as the man scans it’s supplies, the light shining too brightly in his dark surroundings. With dilated eyes, he finds a group of water bottles on the fridge door and grabs two. Shutting the door unintentionally harsh, the light disappears and Jinyoung has to pause for a second to get used to the dark again. When he feels stable enough to walk, he makes his way to the boy’s bedroom. He accidentally bumps into the dog who he still can’t remember the name of in the hallway, making the man hurl forwards, crashing his whole body on the door. At least he hasn’t fallen.

Now what he didn’t expect is to see Yugyeom wiggling his half-naked torso struggling to get out of his shirt. Pale arms stick straight up like candles on a cake. They flail like the flames on the candles. So Jinyoung automatically laughs. He laughs at Yugyeom’s scream and laughs even harder when he whines out “You s-scared meeeee.” It induces a coughing fit from the kid because of how sore and dry his throat must be feeling. That snaps Jinyoung out of it.

“Can you hop-hell-h-help?” Yugyeom trips over his tongue. None the less, the older man wipes his tears and nods at the boy. Even though he can’t see him nod due to the shirt covering his face. _That was really funny._

Huffing out a nice breath, Jinyoung drops the water bottles on the bed beside the sitting kid to focus on the task at hand. Deciding that standing in front of the kid is the best way to do this, the determined man shuffles a bit to the left to be directly in front of Yugyeom. Letting his cold hands take a hold of the fabric under Yugyeom’s armpits, he notices that he still has a bit of mud on them from their first encounter today. Nonetheless, he pulls the shirt upwards and hears a relieved sigh leave the boy’s lips. Letting the shirt slip from his hands, it drops on the floor silently. Eyes focus on the kid. The kid with closed subtle eyelids. With eyelashes so long and thick it beats Jisoo’s by a long-shot. With the unique beauty mark that stands out like a star in an empty night sky. With a broad nose that curves delicately like the terrain of Mount Fuji. Soft, gentle, yet bold. Like his full lips. Parted and inviting like a delicious nectar-filled flower to a bee. So tempting. And his chest. It’s so pristine Jinyoung feels disgusting just by looking at it. His gaze is tainting. But everything about the boy is screaming attention. He can almost hear the teen whisper “Look at me” in his twisted mind.

So so pretty.

Then Yugyeom opens his eyes. Quickly making eye contact with the older man, he hums sweetly. Lips blooming upwards to flash white, the kid grins so innocently it punches Jinyoung right in the esophagus. He coughs awkwardly and cautiously watches as Yugyeom unbuttons his jeans to slip it off with little hops. The surprised elder exhales a brisk huff of air as the tight jeans uncover a canvas of pale skin. The seventeen year old is standing right in front of Jinyoung clad in black boxer briefs. Just smiling at him.

_ The water bottles. Yugyeom needs to drink some water. _

Eyeing the glistening bottles, he rushes up to them. Turning around, he hands one of them to Yugyeom and huffs a small “Drink.” To which the kid does oh so gracelessly. Water tentatively drips down his exposed neck all the way to his bare chest. Wet trails are being left. _What the hell._ Jinyoung twists the bottle cap open with his teeth and takes a few gulps. _What the actual hell._

With a pounding heart, Jinyoung watches the boy finish the whole bottle to then latch on to his hand like he did earlier. “I’m tired. We should sleep.” He yawns, dropping the plastic waste on the floor next to his feet. 

“I have to go home Yugyeom.” The kid tilts his head to the side at that.

“Drunk?”

Oh shit. How could he forget? Jinyoung is heavily intoxicated. For him to drive home like this would be insane. He can’t do that. He really can’t.

Triumphant, Yugyeom begins tugging Jinyoung towards the bed they are bound to share. Water bottle falling out of the older man’s hand, it splashes when it makes contact with the floor.  _Is this really happening?_ Everything feels dizzy. No, now everything feels soft. Comfortable. Yellow tickles his neck. Warm skin comes in contact with his cool covered body. Smooth fingers firmly hold on to Jinyoung’s sides. “Cozy” is what the boy mutters lazily on Jinyoung’s chest. His heart is racing a mile a minute.

_ This is insane. _

Forcing his eyelids shut, he tries to think of anything but Yugyeom.

_ I am insane. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been gone for so long. also sorry this chapter might sound kinda choppy at some parts. i just wanted to post because i still want to finish this story!


	7. Chapter 7

_ the air feels different _

_ anchored lungs gasping _

_ can you feel it too? _

 

Soft light spills on walnut wood flooring, pale yellow shining into the messy room silently. Water gleams brightly on brown as the plastic bottle next to the small puddle sways lightly with the wind. It sways like a swing. Back and forth, the crunch of plastic being heard every now and then. But Jinyoung pays no mind to that. Instead, he is gazing at the boy he woke up next to.

Being a breath away from Yugyeom is. . something. Seeing his young face in front of his own the second Jinyoung woke up took his damn emotions on a rollercoaster. First he felt confusion. Confused as to why he was holding on to Yugyeom’s hand. So he removed himself from the attached boy. Secondly, he felt panic. A huge wave of sickening questions hit Jinyoung and made his stomach churn. It physically made him sick to the point where he had to run all the way to the bathroom and puke it all out. And as he was walking back into the room he recalled that no, nothing happened between him and Yugyeom. So thirdly, he felt relief. Relief that alcohol did not push him to do something he would regret for the rest of his life. Yugyeom is a minor. A kid. Jinyoung has a fiancé. Jinyoung doesn’t have feelings for Yugyeom. The alcohol he consumed last night was clouding his thoughts and making him see differently. That’s what alcohol does. So that’s the reason. Nothing more, nothing less.

_ It’s nothing Jinyoung, get a hold of yourself already. _

With that in mind, the older man breaks the focus on the boy to look for his phone. The last he remembers was that it was in his sweatpants left pocket, but it’s gone. He must have dropped it somewhere in the house. That has to be the case. Patting his pockets one more time just to make sure, Jinyoung starts to search around the kid’s colorful room. Sweeping the room clean with determination, his gaze lands on the rackety green drawers that seem to lean against the wall adjacent to the bright window. Deciding that yes, that’s a place to start. Shy feet walk up to the flimsy thing. Confident hands move loose paper around just like the doctor would in his own office desk. Skilled. But nothing seems to be amongst the clutter. So Jinyoung walks up to the nightstand next to the sleeping boy, careful not to make too much noise. Looking at the piece of furniture, his phone is nowhere in sight. Perhaps under the furniture. Hands and knees touching dusty wood, Jinyoung tilts his head to the left and scans for his phone under the bed. No luck. Turning his head to the right this time, he looks under the other furniture in this room and nothing still. Sitting up, he wonders where else his device could’ve gone.

The bed, he hadn’t checked the bed yet.

Quite frankly he doesn’t want to check the bed. Temptation lies on the mattress. And he doesn’t want to experience what he did earlier once more. It makes his skin crawl. His phone is his ticket to leave this discomfort behind though, no matter how much he hates the idea. He has to check the bed.

Making sure not to touch the boy, Jinyoung reluctantly takes a hold of the light blanket and plucks it off. Waves of blue crash on to the brown shore silently, nervous eyes stumbling over innocence made out of alabaster. He is radiant, so bright and exemplary it blows a cold chill down anybody’s spine. It’s as almost like Jinyoung just uncovered some piece of rare artwork he found in some old ugly attic. Made to be looked at by it’s appropriate audience. Not by some curious threat. Certainly not by the older man. So him, like this, is also so dangerous. A threat to a threat. The gas to some drive any empty tank would eat up. It’s wrong for such to even think of the mere illusion, the can be’s. Yugyeom’s raw beauty is distracting. So distracting it blinds Jinyoung from his cellular device, which lays right next to some untouchable boyish thighs. Thighs so sylphlike it curves and dips his stare to the object he momentarily forgot he was looking for. Voilà.

Slowly, aged palms reach for the missing, making sure not to touch the art. The silver device feels cold on his warm grasp. But that doesn’t matter because he can go home now. He can go home and read one of his untouched books that are sitting on the self collecting more dust than fingerprints. Relax and try to forget. It’s ideal.

Slipping the phone into his awaiting pocket, Jinyoung lets his eyes rest on the boy yet again, almost daringly. A heavy gaze full with caution. The sick man knows staring at a young teenager dressed in only an item of undergarment is wrong, morally wrong to the bone. Yet still he admires Yugyeom. Lets himself ogle at sharp edges, smooth tones, and yellow hair. God, this kid’s eyelashes are so incredibly  _ long _ . He doesn’t know if he’ll ever see pure beauty right before his desolate eyes like this ever again. Doesn’t think he will. And strangely enough, Jinyoung reminices. He mourns over when he was a young seventeen, with no responsibilities except for school. Just doing schoolwork, coming home to eat, and getting enough rest. That’s all the intelligent boy had to do. Seasons would pass, going out with friends would fill his young heart with adventure. Scruffy sneakers falling apart under his eager steps made everything more thrilling. Didn’t stop Jinyoung from climbing fences, kicking mud, or trekking rocks to see the vast ocean. Mark and Yoo Kihyun usually tagged along with Jinyoung’s small endeavors, a disposable camera always gripped around Kihyun’s talented hands. Pictures of their explorations were a plus Jinyoung never got to see. He never asked, and shit he regrets it. Regrets it to this day. He wants to look at life through his fresh teenage eyes again. Wants to see every different memory vividly instead of struggling to piece them together inaccurately.

Adulthood caught up to him like the irritating flash of a camera. Life isn’t fun anymore. His life revolves around his job and his fiancé. The only thing he is looking forward to is his baby’s birth. Maybe then he’ll have more to live for. But for now, he is living for daydreams and imaginations.

At that, the older man rips away from the pretty young thing. He’ll stick to daydreams and imaginations.

 

…

 

It’s been a whole week yet still Jinyoung feels..

Guilt. Sitting under the intense lights with a mug of freshly brewed coffee, Jinyoung feels guilty. Raising the porcelain to his loose lips, the coffee sinks all the way down to pit of his stomach, where his guilt bubbles. It’s nagging his morality because he shouldn’t have done what he did. He shouldn’t have drank and slept with a minor. He shouldn’t have let his emptiness make his actions, that only leads to failure. Leads to trouble. Yugyeom may be exquisite, beauty in the flesh, but he is not attainable. Beauty like that should be preserved, untouched by filthy hands. Doesn’t deserve to be tainted.

Jinyoung shouldn’t have had Yugyeom under his gaze like that. He’s a kid.

The pink pen Sanha picked out for him about two months ago lays used on a stack of files that has yet to be organized, the ink visibly almost gone. The distressed doctor has to deal with another three patients today, then he can go back to his big lonely house and do the thing he does best. Be lonely.

_ I’m so lonely. _

Jisoo hasn’t contacted him since the fight. Has made sure to avoid Jinyoung at the hospital too. Her dewy face, long black hair, and disgustingly familiar scented perfume has not come in contact with him. As saddening as it is, as much as it feeds his depression even more, he feels relief without her presence. The constant nagging doesn’t ring in his ears. Intimate caresses and whispers don’t lure him into something he rather not do. Shards of cold words don’t shove themselves into his open heart. He feels less tense.

So maybe not seeing her for a bit is what he needs, even if it pushes his love more out to sea.

Letting his fingers loosen off of the mug handle, Jinyoung looks down to his wrist to see what the time is. A quarter past ten, just enough to organize at least half of this pile. The next patient is supposed to meet with the doctor at twelve pm on the dot.

Putting on a brave face, Jinyoung gets down to business. He shuffles through delicate information, reads word for word to make sure it’s correct before putting it on a separate pile on his wide desk. The pink pen clicks and un-clicks, a habit the doctor has had ever since seventh grade. His teachers would always scold him for it, so he would have to buy capped pens instead. Now he’s an adult and he is his own boss, so clickable pens it is. Aside from the melody of clicks, his small speaker plays classics lowly. Makes this load bearable. And Jinyoung hums along to whatever song comes on shuffle, whistles as the pink fades away on paper.

A while later, an unexpected knock interrupts the vibe.

Wheeling his chair away from the cramped desk, the busy man groans in irritation but gets up to answer the door regardless. Probably another doctor giving him some needed information. Either way, he is opening the door now so he’ll figure it out.

And there, standing in a flowy tangerine collared blouse with a lick of skin to spare is Yugyeom. Clad in his usual tight black skinnies and belt to match. A pair of sunny vans adorning his feet. It’s Yugyeom, and god does he look like a summer song. The type of song that has your hair blowing in the brisk humid wind, has your soul lifting up to the clouds as you drive down an empty road. It’s a song you know even the sun dances to.

“Hi oldie.” A boyish grin blooms in front of Jinyoung, so coy and playful it swells the older man up. Hacks a cough up.

“W-What are you doing here? And how the hell did you get in?” Flustered, Jinyoung struggles to keep his eyes away from the yellow-haired kid. He isn’t doing much, just smiling, standing, and staring at the doctor. But it’s enough to make the other stutter.

“I missed you. And I lied and might have said you’re my uncle to staff.” But the uncle thing doesn’t phase Jinyoung.

“Just get in here.” A mere whisper, loud enough for Yugyeom to catch and happily trot into the lavish office. It’s white, grey, and blue interior gives the room a sophisticated look. That’s something Yugyeom isn’t accustomed to; riches. So being in here is..

“So amazing.” Childish amazement echoes into ageing ears with spark. The doctor observes the boy gaping at all of his equipment intently, making sure not to look for too long. He can’t.

Sheer fabric flows to the vast window on the wall behind the desk, looking out of it in amazement. Poised so lanky it’s supposed to be awkward-looking. But to Jinyoung, it’s a sight for sore eyes. The daylight that oozes in through the glass casts an angelic glow on the tender frame. Yellow hair looks magical under sunlight. A stunner.

“I have to work Yugyeom.” He sighs out. Said boy snickers with a spin, facing the doctor this time.

“I know that silly, let me just chill here while you do important adult stuff.” Summer sings to him confidently, his heavy sigh bringing muddy clouds over their sky. Still Yugyeom looks bright.

“Yugyeom..”

And suddenly, the skies clear up. The bright yellow sun carefully glides it’s way to the fearful man, shining so brightly it starts a whole race inside of Jinyoung’s veins. Rich chocolate covered almonds meet shaky temptation in a swirl of closeness. Thumping veins drum a frightful rhythm under the hot beams, long eyelashes dancing just for him.

“I promise I won’t be a bother. Please doctor.” The child pouts, a simple jut of gloss shining under light right back at him.

Thus the man just nods his gulp down.

 

…

 

_ Pop _

Printed black words irritate. The abandoned pink pen has been replaced with blue. Wrist sore, Jinyoung shakes his hand in an attempt to ease the pain.

“Don’t you get bored of fixing bones n’ stuff?”  _ Clink _

The scratch of ink on paper fills up the silence.

“I’d lose my mind doing all that paperwork.”  _ Pop _

Antsy legs jolt the noisy boy up from the chair positioned in front of the doctor’s desk. Scuffle of footsteps play louder than the soft music in the background, throwing Jinyoung off his sturdy tracks. The elder annoyingly fixes his eyes on the mischief and watches as Yugyeom starts to sway to trumpets. No beat goes unnoticed, long limbs bouncing, the kid grooving along with the bass guitar. French chants travel through Yugyeom like salmon swimming upstream, it’s clumsy. But the dancer enjoys the stupidness of it, seems to giggle at how flimsy his arms are. Squinty eyed and full of life. Raspberry pink lollipop being tossed around his mouth still.

“What are you doing?” Jinyoung wonders, asks, cautiously stares.

Almost tripping over mustard feet, Yugyeom replies with a scrunch of his nose.

“Living!” A twirl. A hop. A shimmy. A radiant boy responds with a happy pop.

It’s a blow Jinyoung never thought could hit him so hard. But it does. And oh does it sting his lonesome heart. Almost feels like wincing.

Yugyeom takes a hold of the white miniature stick, letting sultry lips drag on the sphere with another pop. Then a lick. “Come loosen up a bit! A break never hurt nobody.”

Manila folders shift and shuffle, the light hum of the air conditioner buzzing around them.

“I need to finish this.” Without looking up, Jinyoung fixes his collar to continue working on the newly opened file at hand. Bleakly frustrating.

“You’ve been working on that pile of death long enough for me to eat two lollipops.” Sweet tooth whines, snatching the candy out of his mouth to show the unattentive man what he’s talking about. “I’m on my third one already! My tongue must be all sorts of colors.”

Paying no mind to the child, Jinyoung ticks another check inside a tiny box for the millionth time. He swears he’s seen the word bone so many times it’s burned on the back of his eyelids. Even if the man closes his eyes the word bone is still visible. Nonetheless, work is work. Being a surgeon is not easy, this is what he has to deal with for the rest of his professional life. He signed up for this.

The sound of rubber hitting tile rebounds throughout the room in a symphony. Grey furniture creaks when words suddenly get replaced with dark lean thighs. Yugyeom makes sure not to sit on the doctor’s hands, rather on the doctor’s stress. Files are pressed on the tabletop as the boy watches Jinyoung slowly raise his gaze. They make brief eye contact, obstruction facing turmoil. Boy facing man. Then, the red tie around Jinyoung’s neck is squeezed between juvenile palms. Yugyeom tilts forwards and pulls until the older man is impossibly close, inches separating their noses. The lollipop stick pokes Jinyoung’s top lip teasingly. And the watchful boy notices, so he lifts slender fingers to touch the end of the stick, grazing the curve of coral flesh. Feeling faint, Jinyoung let’s wonky eyelids fall heavy, glazed eyes focusing on the neon pink candy leaving the youngster’s mouth. Lips part and tongue shoots out, head tilting back, exposing Yugyeom’s long neck.

Jinyoung mutters; “Pink, purple, and b-blue.” 

Lips smirking up, Yugyeom hides his tongue and tosses the lollipop back in. He knowingly, oh because he  _ knows _ what he is doing, shoves a pretty hand through the winded man’s raven hair and wiggles it around. Messy black locks tickle Jinyoung’s forehead as he just stares dumbfoundedly.

“There is fun in everything, you just have to search for it.” His hand lands on the doctor’s shoulder with another pop of candy. Jinyoung has his hands gripping the office chair, on fire. Feet swing up and down relentlessly, dirty vans kicking at neat slacks.

“I don’t know what fun is anymore.”  _ I don’t know who i am anymore. _

Warm forearms wrap themselves around clean white shoulders as restless legs slide off the tabletop, bringing two files with them. Papers scatter beside yellow and black, the boy sandwiched between thighs. The contact drains the color right out of Jinyoung’s face.

“Then let me show you.” An eager grin envelops everything around them and the doctor has lean back in his seat in order to  _ breath _ .

Without any warning, Yugyeom’s warmth is gone in a sudden hop over Jinyoung’s left leg. He hears the giggles right behind his ear and then, his chair starts to move. It rolls to the other side of the desk, smack center of the open space. Not knowing if his emotions can handle this turbulence much longer, Jinyoung stands up.

“That’s the spirit!” French fry kid claps and quickly runs to the small speaker to raise the volume. Once he is satisfied with the noise, he enthusiastically runs back to Jinyoung. The upbeat French tongue exerts a joyfulness Yugyeom seems to enjoy because he is laughing and shimmying his chest in glee. His hands come out to lightly touch Jinyoung’s white button down as his shoulders bounce up and down in rhythm. The kid wants the man to dance with him.

_ I guess a shake won’t hurt. _

Jinyoung pays close attention to Yugyeom to get the timing right. Fluid shoulders stop, winding up choppily with the strumming of the guitar. And it’s when the chorus of the song sings back at them that Jinyoung joins Yugyeom’s little dance. He shakes his shoulders at the same time, leaning in to the bright smile with a silly expression. Because this is so dumb. Yet it’s too funny not to laugh at. So the man snickers at Yugyeom’s little peeping tongue and all too familiar wrinkled up nose. Lets wild fingers grip on to his own. They shake back and forth like that, leaning in and out like two kids on a seesaw until the song ends and another begins. Shaking turns into twisting once the beatles start ringing, Yugyeom surprisingly breaking in to the twist like he used to live in the 60s. The older man has no idea how to twist properly, so he decides to follow the lively boy in toe. Two kicks there. A turn here. Orange glides around white in blurs. Big hands catch a slim waist, feeling the muscles rock. Clumsy footwork causes Jinyoung to trip and stumble over Yugyeom, falling all the way down. Both hit tile together, laughing away the impact in fits. The doctor has never laughed this damn hard in his office before.

Artificial lights shine down on a heap of teary laughter quietly. The speaker keeps playing. Yugyeom’s lollipop lays in between them, tiny pink drool puddle underneath it.

And when Jinyoung turns to his side, he finds fun giggling right back at him. Fun; with messy yellow hair and pink staining his cheek. Fun; with tall lashes and dotted honeymilk skin. Fun; with a voice so high pitched it makes birds chirp. That’s what fun is.

“Hey, is everything okay in there?”

Goosebumps appear on Jinyoung’s arms along with Hyungwon’s concerned voice. It’s like a slap on the face.  _ Get back to reality Jinyoung. _

“Yeah, uh, my nephew is a real clutz.” Wincing at his response, he holds his breath waiting for Hyungwon to answer.

“Gotcha.”

The troublesome nephew laughs some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jingyeom makes me happy


	8. Chapter 8

_ remember that you’re fine _

_ you’re just fine _

_ please just be fine _

 

Jinyoung got to finish organizing the files by three in the afternoon. His appointments went well, the patients only asking the usual. There was one little boy who broke his finger, so the surgeon had to put it back in place. There was no surgery required, only a small purple cast on a small finger. Jinyoung will have to see the child next week again to take an x-ray and see how his finger is healing. Apart from that, everything went smoothly.

The only complaints he had were Yugyeom’s whines whenever he had to leave his office to go to the appointments.

 

_ “Don’t leave me again!” The tall kid clings to Jinyoung’s leg. _

_ “Yugyeom it’s my job. Now let me go.” Hands shove at a groaning face, smushing the left side of his face so much the kid has to detach himself. He falls on his butt with a bounce and folds his sticky arms with a huff. _

_ “I’m gonna die of boredom without you.” Yugyeom grimaces under his angry brows. _

_ “Good.” _

 

Now Jinyoung is alone again.

Yugyeom had to leave after the doctor finished work. Some sort of dance thing he has with his best friend BoomBoom?

So picking up the mail and seeing Jisoo’s name on one envelope kind of stings. It reminds the man just how desolate his life is. All he does now a days is wallow alone in his empty house and replay the fight in his head if the silence is too deafening. Just sad.

But then, his uncle’s name appears on baby blue. A wave of comfort enters through his fingertips and surges all throughout his body. Sad still, but the six letter name does arch a small smile out of the unhappy man.

Bringing the mail inside, Jinyoung gets rid of the other envelopes except for the only one that matters. Clutching it close to his chest like a leech, Jinyoung strolls to the kitchen set on making a cup of tea. He’s excited. The doctor hasn’t heard from his uncles ever since they congratulated Jisoo’s pregnancy. And that was months ago, so yeah sitting down and reading this letter while sipping some warm Oolong tea sounds like a dream.

While the kettle boils above licking flames, Jinyoung feels the envelope with jumpy fingers. Feeling for any sort of tiny ornament, keychain, or memorabilia his uncles might have sent him with the letter. He remembers they once sent him a pretty wine bottle corkscrew from their small hometown. It’s one of a kind, because his uncle had it handmade just for Jinyoung. It even has his initials elegantly carved into the silver metal; P.J. That was actually what his uncle used to call him all the time as a little kid. PJ. He loves that nickname.

An angry squeal echoes throughout the kitchen, averting his attention towards the boiled water. Jinyoung shuts off the burner with a click, ready to sit down and escape into his uncle’s world as soon as his tea is done. A quiet house, his favorite tea, and his uncle’s letter. Nothing can get better than this, he thinks.

 

_ My beloved Jinyoung, _

_ How has life been treating you? Are you looking up at the stars every night? Have you ate something you’ve never ate yet? Is love kindly caressing you in moments you’d least expect it to? Bin and I have been doing just fine if you’ve been wondering. Your old men are still very deeply, fondly, and happily in love. Bin’s beauty shines brighter with every passing year i spend with him. I feel so lucky to be his partner for life, I love my husband. Speaking of which, how’s Jisoo? Do you know the sex of the child yet? If so please include that information in the letter you send back, we’ve been dying to know! My happiest wishes goes to you and your beautiful family, you have a family now! That’s so crazy to think about, it felt like yesterday I taught you how to tie your shoe. Your uncle is getting old and silver. Recently, I discovered that i’m not as strong as I used to be. We moved to a different town, Les Marches. It’s more on the southeast side of France, that’s where we live now. Any who, I was trying to pack our thick wooden coffee table in the back of the truck we rented and kept losing my breath. In the end i succeeded but let me tell you, I’m getting old. But here in our new little town I don’t feel that way. We’ve lived here for 3 months now, yet I feel like this is the place I am meant to be. Whenever me and Bin walk into the small local bakery and smell all the pastries and fresh bread, my heart soothes. Whenever I tend to our garden and watch how beautiful the sunset looks over our backyard, my hope rises. Whenever our next door neighbors invite us over their cunning two-story home for dinner, my smile wrinkles deepen. I feel younger just by noticing the little things people take for granted. So don’t you worry boy, this town is taking good care of me. Are you taking care of yourself? Jisoo also better be lifting your spirits up! My sun, my hardworking nephew, I miss you. When will you be able to visit us? You promised, remember? Please don’t break that promise. I’ll be looking forward to your letter! Stay healthy and make sure to live the life your soul craves. _

_ I love you, _

_ – Woo _

 

“I love you too.” Jinyoung whispers to himself, everything feeling too cold, even his steaming tea.

 

…

 

Mark is a great friend. He is always making sure Jinyoung is doing fine, a small text here and there. But the troubled man has been neglecting his day one. Everything has just been so.. off? Yeah, off. Nothing seems right. Confusion clouds Jinyoung’s mind 24/7.

_ “So, you in?” _

Of course he accepted Mark’s invitation to go eat. Why shouldn’t he have? Jinyoung would be an asshole if he said no to Japanese.

He didn’t expect to be eating at Zuma though. It’s a restaurant he’s been wanting to try out, so he’s not mad. More so grateful. This spot is located right next to the downtown Miami river, so the view here is simply stunning. Silver buildings all decorated in different yellow patterned lights glow down all around the water magically. It’s almost romantic.

“Pour it all out.” The couple over at the other table laugh nervously as Mark catches Jinyoung’s attention.

“Huh?”

Mark’s eyes rake up and down the younger man’s face in amusement.

“You have that look on your face that screams torment, so go on. Tell me what’s been going on that has you so distraught.” Plates hitting wood echo behind Jinyoung’s ear. He doesn’t know how Mark does it, but he always manages to make out Jinyoung’s hidden feelings. Always manages to open up the book that has the most dust on it.

“Family problems, it’s nothing really.”  _ Would playing with your knife seem too obvious? _

Mark hums.

“Here you go fellas, two buta-bara yuzu miso!” The Zuma waiter smiles politely as she places the plates full of food in front of the two friends. As she does this, her perfume whizzes by Jinyoung and oh boy does it smell awfully similar to Jisoos’. It stings. God, he’s miserable without her.

Reaching over to his glass cup, Mark speaks up once more.

“It’s Jisoo isn’t it?”

Jinyoung almost drops his cup.

“Mark we’re doing fine, why–“

“You know I never liked her to begin with.” He reveals bluntly, no shame in his voice. Just plain honesty.

The skewers on Jinyoung’s plate doesn’t even look appetizing anymore.

“Ever since she started dating you we don’t hang out like we used to. What happened to our trip to Thailand? We planned that since we were in fifth grade. You were the one that brought it up in the first place.” An irritated stick scrapes across white bone china. But Mark’s face remains calm.

“We were kids. My dreams back then were foolish.” Fingerprints smudge on glass.

“No Jinyoung. You know that’s not it. Face it, you changed after her. You became this,” Mark stuffs grilled pork belly into his mouth, his dirty skewer stick placed on the tabletop with a small whack. He lets his eyes make contact. “this lifeless man. A man who just goes to work, tends to his wife, reads a book, and repeats. Tell me, when was the last time we hung out together?”

Remembering that a chef prepared this delicious meal just for him, Jinyoung takes a hold of a stick and dips the pork belly into the sauce held in a tiny white bowl. He has to respect the chef.

Jinyoung responds back after he takes a bite.

“Months ago. But you have to understand that i’m a busy doctor Mark. This job doesn’t let me rest.”

“Did you forget that i’m a nurse? Bro I know how demanding this job is, it must be doubled for you.” The best friend throws an apologetic smile his way. “But what about the weekends? And after work? I'm only asking for an hour of your time every once in a while.” And he’s reasonable for that. It really shouldn’t trouble Jinyoung the way it does. Why has he been so distant from the one who’s constantly reaching out to him?

“I’m sorry.” The skewer gripped in between the broken man’s fingers trembles vaguely. Mark notices, but he keeps quiet and just stares at Jinyoung’s face instead.

“Jisoo left. She, uhm, we had a fight and she,” Lips get vacuumed and bitten, his stupid nervous habit making an appearance. “She hit me then left and I? Don’t know when she is coming back?? And i’m so confused over everything that’s happened that i’ve been thinking irrationally. I think? But i’m still in love with Jisoo so all of this.. hurts. It, fuck–“ Eyes shaking, Jinyoung looks up at the breezy night sky in hopes of avoiding tears. Indigo colored clouds glide slowly through a sea of stars, the moon peeking through like the sun does through his curtains. Through his lonely, Jisoo-less room.

“You know I always told myself that I would love my future partner in life with all my heart could possibly offer? That I, t-that I will make sure they know that I love them. And I did. I made damn sure that I said an ‘I love you’ at least once a day. Yet she, she left me.” Warmth suddenly sits atop of cold knuckles. It’s comforting, makes Jinyoung remember of lunchtime in their rowdy high school cafeteria. So he absorbs Mark’s heat gratefully.

“I may have been distant with her sometimes, but I never forgot to tell her those three stupid words. It’s stupid, how much those words can mean so much to a person. It. It means so much to me. God Mark, what did I do wrong? Please tell me what I did so I can fix it. Please..” He lets his eyes close, not being able to take the ache in his heart any longer. His heart is suffering, this isn’t supposed to be happening to them. They are supposed to be a happy family. There’s a baby on the way.

“Brother, this isn’t your fault.”

_ “this is all on you Jinyoung.” _

“You aren’t okay. Have you even told Jisoo yet? I mean, I wouldn’t, but since you ARE marrying the witch might as well..” Mark grimaces.

“Honestly I’ll do anything at this point.” And it’s true, Jinyoung just wants Jisoo back. Wants his family to have a happy ending.

_ I’ll do anything. _

“Then tell her. Tell her you are diagnosed with depression and taking pills for it. Tell her and see how things go from there.”

And Jinyoung still doesn’t know how Mark manages to do it, the whole emotional intervention. He doesn’t know, still, he knows that he trusts that wise guy.

He's thankful Mark is in his life.

 

…

 

“Your finger is all good bud, see I knew you had superpowers!” Tired eyes crinkle up at the corners like cat whiskers. Small fingers wiggle in the air mimicking little worms, a bright mother sharing a bright smile. The AC hums sweetly.

“Thank you Doc, it’s a relief seeing him well again.” She extends her hand forward, diamonds dangling from delicate hazelnut. Jinyoung’s eyes gravitate to the bracelet. It’s the same bracelet he got Jisoo for her 26th birthday. All flashy, wrapped in the most pretty colored metal, yet not too overboard.

_ Jisoo’s style. . _

Eyes wandering, he shakes it away with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been forever. and i apologize for that. i wasn't doing well, but thankfully i'm ok now and more than ready to get this story written! i've decided that it will only be 25 chapters so i hope all of you readers anticipate the rest of this story! thank you for sticking by and for all of your lovely comments, i really do appreciate it. :)


	9. Chapter 9

_ foolishness leads to pity _

_ sand leads to oceans _

_ oceans are in-between you and me _

 

Sanha got him another pink pen. This time it has some pink bunny caricature sitting on top. Still, it made Jinyoung’s whole day.

Now they’re both sitting opposite each other at his desk organizing last minute paperwork. Florida’s humidity is annoyingly strong today, so all you can hear in this swamped room is the blast of icy air.

“Did you hear about Hayley and Chris?” Thin paper dents under startled nerves. Jinyoung hasn’t been involved in what goes on in this hospital, gossip wise, in such a long time he almost doesn’t know how to respond. Shifting in his seat, he keeps skimming the document with nervous eyes.

“No, what happened?”  _ I promised not to tell, was i wrong? _

“Well, they got divorced. Apparently Chris was in an affair with Sebastian, you know the pediatrician that slipped on a honey bun some kid left in the lobby? You remember right? We both witnessed that.” Laughter is halted behind sealed lips, the serious topic at matter making Sanha refrain. Jinyoung isn’t looking up at him though, he just continues skimming through more words.

“Yeah, I know who Sebastian is. How did Hayley find out, do you know?”  _ I’ll beat those assholes up if they didn’t tell her. _

“Thankfully both of them went up and told her. I was passing by her office when I uhm,” The loud boy in front of him suddenly gets quiet, so Jinyoung naturally looks at the rare occurrence. His ears are red. His top and bottom lip keep squishing together. His eyes make slight contact with his older friend.  _ He’s embarrassed _ “I may have eavesdropped.”

The elder rolls his eyes.

“I’m not even surprised. You’re such a rat Yoon Sanha.” Shaking his head left and right, offending the poor boy, Sanha retaliates.

“Hey you ice cube! What would you do if you heard someone you knew crying?! I. . I was only looking out for a friend!”

_ He’s funny. _

“I wouldn’t stop if I heard you crying.” Jinyoung lies. But Sanha knows he’s lying, knows the mysterious man is caging a soft heart.

Snickering, Sanha answers with a smug “I know.”, tossing his pen towards the iceberg. A small smile later his pen gets tossed back to him, hitting him on the collarbone.

 

…

 

Mundane. Everything is mundane. The way his footsteps are the only echo in this vast luxurious house. How books lined up on a not so dusty shelf are the only things he can hold at night, grip tight for comfort. That’s what’s lacking. Comfort. So when this happens:

_ annoying french-fry kid is calling . . . _

you can’t blame Jinyoung for answering.

“Hello?”

“Can I come over?”

“Wait what?”

“I said, can I come over?”

The doctor is a little thrown aback.

“Why?”

“I miss you. So can I?”

Cautious, Jinyoung thinks about it. He’s been over the kids house but Yugyeom’s never been over his. Maybe Yugyeom needs to talk to the elder about something important.

“Sure, I’ll send you my address.”

And not even half an hour later, Jinyoung’s house roars with the fancy chime Jisoo chose. It ‘adds to the house’s vibe’ she would say. Walking until the large white wooden double doors are in front of him, the raven haired mess opens one of them.

Long behold, Yugyeom. Eyes widening like saucers once Jinyoung is in his sight. His bottom lip juts out a little, no gloss on this time. Instead he is wearing a plain black t-shirt and some black sweatpants. Today’s concept is all black.

Jinyoung was only wearing boxers under his robe but decided to change due to the expecting visitor. So now he has blue sweatpants and a white shirt on. Casual.

Then he grins, his crescent moons shining down brightly. “I’m excited to see you again.” He says.

“I’m no fun kid.” Jinyoung states. His eyes wander down to the ground to see fluffy yellow slippers looking back at him. “You drove with those on?”

“Huh?” Yugyeom’s smile fades slightly to follow Jinyoung’s gaze. “Oh! Don’t worry, Bam’s boyfriend drove me here.” Moons shine again.

“Don’t you have a car?” He mutters back.

“Yeah but since Hyunwoo was leaving our house, I decided to ask him. And he said that it was okay!”

_ That means i’ll have to drive him back home. That’s annoying. _

Picking his head up, Jinyoung steps aside to let the kid in. They’ve been standing outside for about a minute now. It must look weird to any neighbors passing by.

So Yugyeom walks past, the scent of something sweet trailing in front of Jinyoung. It’s at the tip of his tongue, that scent.

Closing the door with a loud click, he turns around to watch the boy explore eagerly. His slippers enthusiastically echo throughout his whole house and, hey, maybe this isn’t so bad.

 

…

 

Maybe he was slightly mistaken.

Yugyeom is loud, he knows that from the couple of times they’ve hung out. But he didn’t know HOW loud he could get until..

“I WAS IN FIRST THE WHOLE TIME AND YOU PASSING ME IN THE LAST LAP LIKE THAT IS SO!” The frustrated kid whines very loudly, the red switch controller dropping softly on the gray couch as fists form. “SO NOT FAIR!!”

“What can I say, I’m a true champion.”

“THAT'S IT!”

Yellow hair flies as alarmed eyes gawk at the taller body launching forwards. Jinyoung’s switch controller gets knocked out of his hands meanwhile Yugyeom shoves his whole body down on the couch. The older man has his shoulder uncomfortably wedged between a pillow, feeling the boy sit on his thighs. And then his fists begin to hit the other shoulder and  _ my god this kid is stronger than I thought. _

“Yugyeom ouch ouch stop.” Jinyoung scrunches up his nose so hard his eyes close, teeth on show. Each punch feels like stepping on legos. A jolt of sore pain.

“Apologize! Say i’m the best Mario Kart racer!” The nuisance above him shouts, not halting his punches at all.  _ So annoying. _

“Alright alright i’m sorry!” In pain, Jinyoung tries to move away from the hits by wiggling his body from the vice grip this boy’s thighs have him in. Using his core muscles, the elder manages to twist his body so that his back is laying flat on the couch. Yugyeom is still sitting on him somehow, his thighs trapping him at his sides. The kid falters, his eyes roaming the man below him like a hawk. Jinyoung can finally breathe.

“You didn’t say it yet.” Out of breath and still angry, Yugyeom whines.

“That’s because i’m the best Mario Kart rac-OUCH!” Yugyeom doesn’t even let Jinyoung continue because his knuckles start hitting him again, now the chest being his target. The victim doesn’t let this happen for long though, his hands quickly grabbing the boy’s wrists and lifting them away from his chest. This ensues a struggle for both. Yugyeom is trying his hardest to get out of his grip as Jinyoung is trying his hardest to keep him away. They rock left and right, the kid’s shoulder banging on the couch’s back quite harshly. And it’s when Yugyeom hits the couch a bit too hard that it just gives up. The whole couch begins to tip over and Jinyoung’s heart jumps. Yugyeom notices too late as the large piece of furniture is about to hit the floor, so he yells when the floor is inches away from his face. But the couch slams roughly and when Yugyeom opens his eyes, he is still alive. His neck didn’t snap nor did he get a concussion. Instead, his face is squished against the chest he was hitting not too long ago. Jinyoung luckily slid down on the couch’s back as it tipped over and instinctively held Yugyeom against him in fear that the kid would get hurt if he didn’t. His arms are still wrapped around Yugyeom, one hand cradling his head against his chest.

Hot breath makes a warm spot on Jinyoung’s shirt, feeling it as he recovers from the fall. All of the boy’s weight landed on his when they hit the ground. Thankfully that weight wasn’t too heavy, so he didn’t get too hurt. Still, he thought Yugyeom was gonna end up in the ER. He’s thankful they are okay.

“You’re not the best by the way. I still am.” Yugyeom hears through the man’s chest. The words rumble and sort of tickle his neck but, it’s low and it’s so Jinyoung it doesn’t matter.

“I hate you.” Jinyoung hears him say, and he doesn’t care. They’re okay and that’s what’s important.

“If you hate me so much then get off of me.”

“Well I can’t when you have me wrapped against you like this. How about you let go of me old man.”

That’s when Yugyeom gets shoved, his back landing on the wooden floor abruptly. Jinyoung doesn’t care.  _ I don’t. _

And he continues not to care when Yugyeom ends up sleeping on the same bed as him. They’ve done this before, maybe in a different context but, still the same. This time Jinyoung was simply ignoring him, trying to read while the kid kept on trying to ask him questions. He guesses Yugyeom got tired from all that talking he was doing, and just accidentally fell asleep. Jinyoung just noticed. The quiet was too good to be true. And now Jinyoung doesn’t know what to do. He knows it’s late, the sun is long gone and the time on his watch reads 2:13am. He blames his book. Pages filled with such intoxicating words describing another world had him distracted for such a long time.  _ Damn it. _

But there isn’t much else left to do. He doesn’t want to wake the boy up because quite frankly, he doesn’t want to drive so late. Jinyoung is tired. All he wants to do is go to sleep. So he keeps the ‘I don’t care’ mentality, placing the bookmark Minhyuk gifted him for his 16th birthday where he left off and sets the closed book on his nightstand. Turning off his lamp, Jinyoung faces away from Yugyeom and tucks himself under the blanket. Closing his eyes, he thinks about what he just read until he doesn’t think anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

_ foolishness leads to happiness _

_ this bird can’t swim _

_ i’ll fall right in _

 

Waking up alone is something Jinyoung was getting used to ever since Jisoo left. Not feeling the warmth of another human being next to him every morning was strange. No smooth legs tangled against his. There’s regret and harsh words welcoming him every morning instead. It’s fascinating how your body can adapt to different changes your life may bring.

Picking up one eyelid almost sloth-like, sun shines in a faded form. Sketches odd shadowy patterns throughout the quiet room. The blanket wrapped around his middle feels too warm, the cool breeze coming from the cracked window sprouting goosebumps on his forearms. Opening the other eyelid a bit faster than before, Jinyoung groans at all of the light flooding his vision. He doesn’t want to wake up. Slept later than he usually does. All thanks to Yugyeom.

Yugyeom, who is pouting slightly under the gleam. White pillow fabric weaving through long fingers. Hair messy yet radiant still. Almost as if he is brighter.

Regardless, Jinyoung pries away and let’s his lazy legs hang. He needs to get ready for work.

 

…

 

Work is work. Nothing fascinating, just papers to go through, surgeries to perform, and patients to help. Bones this bones that, Jinyoung’s life revolves around the human skeleton.

So when lunch rolls around Jinyoung is relieved. The doctor just successfully finished a hip replacement surgery that lasted for about two hours. Sanha was there with him, handing the doctor whatever tool he needed and absorbing every little detail. Everything went smoothly.

Now Sanha is eating lunch somewhere else, not in the Doctor’s Lounge. Hyungwon couldn’t make it to lunch today either, Zendaya wanting to eat with him. Mark is busy. So Jinyoung is walking to the lounge alone this time, his leftover spaghetti making his stomach grumble. He sure is hungry.

Passing by the vending machines outside of the lounge, he spots Chris and Sebastian bickering about something. They’re so engrossed with each other that Jinyoung just stops and stares for a few seconds without being noticed.  _ They look happy together. _

Whatever, he’s hungry.

Dragging his feet in to the lounge, thoughts about Jisoo start attacking. About their small touches here and there. About college and how a handful of his guy classmates were so jealous of Jinyoung. Because  _ Jisoo is the prettiest girl in class, and she’s sweet? Jinyoung you are a lucky man. _

_ I was a lucky man. _

_ Now what am I? _

Stunned. Jinyoung is the definition of that word. The perfect example. Because there she is, his Jisoo. His soon to be wife, eating her lunch in this comfy space. And it takes all of his willpower to not start weeping right then and there. To apologize and make things go back to how they used to be. How his life should go by the book. The stupid book he doesn’t even want to read anymore.

But he has to. He has to for the sake of his baby. His future family.

With that in mind, Jinyoung breathes in a deep breath and lets his anchored feet lead the way. He doesn’t want to do this. Mark told him he needs to if he wants her back. Yet he still doesn’t want to talk to her.

Too late. Jinyoung places his cold spaghetti on the white table. The plastic echoes straight through Jisoo’s ears, her face looking up at his. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds. It’s suffocating. Then Jisoo starts packing her lunch.

“What are you doing?” Jinyoung panics.

She stays silent, continuing to wrap her whole wheat sandwich in a hurry. Nervous.

“Answer me.”

Nothingness.

“Jisoo, please. You’re killing me.”

All done, his lover picks up her purple lunchbox and struggles out of her seat. Her small baby bump, the one Jinyoung was used to seeing, is now double in size. Eyes focused on their growing baby, Jisoo turns around to begin walking away. That brings Jinyoung’s attention back to the hopeless situation.

“Come back, we’re having a baby. Jisoo we’re having a fucking baby.” A slow ache starts burning all throughout his heart. The remembrance of her dainty hand in his squeezes at the pieces his heart is becoming. He’s crumbling. And she’s still walking away. So Jinyoung gets up. More determined, more desperate, the miserable man catches up to his misery and holds her still. She tries to get out of his grip, but it’s useless.

“Let me go.” Bitterness bites. Jinyoung audibly whimpers.

“Why are you doing this to me?”  _ It feels like i’m being beat up. _

Jisoo doesn’t dare look at him.

“You wanted to be alone didn’t you?”

“But i’m here now! I’m here trying to salvage what little love we have left for the sake of what we made. Did you forget that you’re going to be having our baby?” Holding on to her wrist, Jinyoung notices the bracelet he gave her is no longer there. Neither is their engagement ring. He becomes colorless.

“I didn’t forget. It’s my baby.” She responds coldly.

“Ours.”

“Cut that out.”

“What? That’s my baby to–”

“I’m not going to have a baby with someone who takes pills for some made up illness that gives you excuses to be an asshole to me!” A powerful wave crashes on to Jinyoung’s shore, breaking the small string attached to their love. It’s sailing away, everything is breaking. Thunder is playing loud. So loud Jinyoung’s ears ring from it.

“H-How did you–”

“I found them in our room when I went back to pick up some extra stuff I left. Depression? Give me a fucking break. You have the perfect job, the perfect house, and used to have the perfect relationship. But you went and screwed it all up with this imaginary demon of yours. A sick excuse. And you have yet to apologize to me for what you’ve done! If you really wanted this relationship between us to work out you would’ve.”

“The pills are prescribed f-for a reason–”

“Bullshit. I bet those pills don’t do shit. Depression doesn’t exist. Sadness does. This illness that you claim to have is a sugar-coated way of psychologists saying you’re crazy. Jinyoung, you’re fucking crazy! A crazy asshole that always blames others for his own mistakes.” More waves crash onto the shore. More thunder rumbles deep in Jinyoung’s heart. Lightning is going to strike any second.

“You’re crazy.” He whispers, the hold on her wrist no longer. Now it’s just his cold hands gripping thin air. Nothingness again.

“Yeah, I am. Crazy to ever think I could bring you back to your senses. Forget it Jinyoung. Unless you apologize and get your act together I’m not coming back.”

_ She’s never coming back. _

And with that, Jisoo leaves out of his life once again, taking all of his love in her silky smooth hands. Wearing it like any ordinary accessory she owns. That’s exactly it. She owns his love now. Can manipulate, hurt, and heal it however she pleases. And Jinyoung feels like throwing up.

Jisoo is his first love.

 

…

 

Pitiful. Jinyoung is quite pitiful really. He is on his way home now, too mentally drained to continue working. He just threw away his cold spaghetti and left. Cold. Everything feels cold.

Jisoo used to keep him warm. No matter what she did, her smile always made his heart flutter. Seeing her, hearing her voice, even her scent brought a sense of comfort to the uneasiness. Gripping onto the steering wheel, wishing it was her young shy hand instead, Jinyoung feels himself snap. Tears start pooling around the edges of his eyes, everything becoming foggy. Cloudy skies. It forces the distraught man to pull over to the side of the road to let it all out.

Very pitiful.

 

…

 

Seeing the house they used to share, Jinyoung wipes away the threatening drop with his knuckle. Crying is annoying and he wants to stop. It hurts his throat and leaves his eyes feeling too heavy. As if there are bags of water under them.

But as he gets out of his car, his bag in tow, more tears spill out of him. What’s the point by now.

Sniffling, the doctor wiggles the keys out of his pocket with numb hands. Muscle memory works the door open and in he goes. All pale. All wobbly. All bitter. All heartbroken. All because of her. And the image of her walking away casts a shadow over his sand. Then, lightning strikes.

It strikes painfully. Hitting Jinyoung so forcefully it pulls his body down to the floor, like last time. But this time it’s much worse. Claws open up his chest to remove everything inside of him. He is weak. A fool for falling in love with a rose with thorns. Needy hands still clutch on the stem of this disguise. Jinyoung wants to let go, he desperately needs to let go. Instead he weeps. Pours his love out of him in waves of agony. Curses even.  _ Fuck love. Fuck Jisoo. Fuck life. _

_ I don’t want to live anymore. _

“Jinyoung?”

Whipping his head up to meet the voice, vivid yellow greets him with a frown. It’s the boy. He’s still in his house.

“What the fuck are you still doing in here?”

Yugyeom looks hurt.

“I-I didn’t have work today so, but that doesn’t matter. You aren’t okay.”

“And why the hell do you care?! I’m nothing but a sorry excuse of a human, why do you stick by me all of the time?” Jinyoung wails, snot running down past his lips.

“Because you aren’t! That’s why I care about you. You are lost so deep in your own sadness that the kind man in you is disappearing. That’s the man I met! The man with big dreams, a big heart, and a charming smile. That’s you Jinyoung.” Yellow states, the storm in Jinyoung’s head calming down a bit. Yugyeom stares at the elder with something unreadable in his eyes.

“I’m not going to let you lose. I’m not letting that happen again.” The tall kid murmurs the last sentence quietly. Jinyoung still hears it.

“I just want to die.”

Yugyeom shakes his head. “I won’t let you.”

“It’s my life kid. You got no saying in it.”  _ Yugyeom is not an important piece of my life. _

Sitting down next to the troubled man, Yugyeom shakes his head again.

“Not when you mean so much to me.”

Jinyoung goes silent at that statement. He doesn’t know how much truth is in Yugyeom’s words, but if he’s arguing back it must mean something. Right?

So he just takes his words as they are. Lets Yugyeom hold his hand as Jisoo’s hand torments his emotions. Causes another whirlwind of sobs, hiccups, and wails. Heartbreak feels like being ripped apart by a cheese grater. Every little memory just gets shredded until it’s unrecognizable. Like those scenes happened light-years ago, in another world. A world where love is pure.

_ Love doesn’t exist in my world. _

Still, Yugyeom is there. Rubbing circles on Jinyoung’s flushed flesh with his thumb soothingly. He hasn’t let go.

“You’ll be okay. I promise you’ll be okay.”

 

…

 

Turns out Yugyeom cooked for them while Jinyoung was at work. Something simple; Honey Butter Chicken. Still, it smelled delicious, so they both sat down on the spacious yet small dining table to take it all in. The doctor was starving since he left the hospital, so the first bite of chicken melted in his mouth oh so sweetly.  _ So good. _

They’re almost done with their food.

“Jinyoung,” Rice gets swallowed while Yugyeom speaks up. “do you mind telling me what happened to make you so upset?”

He halts in getting another spoonful of dinner, not knowing if telling the boy everything is a good idea. So far Yugyeom has only meant well. His actions really showed that. But it’s still a tricky subject to explain, because Jisoo is his first love, and first loves are supposed to be wonderful according to a bunch of books and romance movies. You know, the whole hero saves the other from danger, bumping in to the other and helping them with their dropped belongings. Hands coming in contact and feeling that spark. Jisoo and Jinyoung did have that encounter, that initial spark.  _ Huh, that’s gone now though. _ There’s no spark. Only familiarity. Nothing to look forward to.

“It’s complicated.”  _ Jisoo said it’s all my fault and I don’t know what to believe. _

Yugyeom tilts his head to the side at the elder’s response.

“A lot of things are complicated, like cooking this. I was a bit confused but I managed to succeed. So that’s no big deal.” Stainless steel scoops another mouthful of chicken and rice. Jinyoung follows, shoves another piece of chicken in his mouth in avoidance.

“I’m just worried about you.”

It feels weird, this whole situation. How did a mysterious teen manage to get sucked in to his life like this? Jinyoung knows he was being nice, he’s nice to everyone. Smiling to strangers at the age of five. A force of habit ever since he became a respected surgeon. It’s in his blood. He hates seeing people being discriminated, picked on, and in the worst case scenario; being beat up. Jinyoung remembers the first time he saw someone getting hurt, it boiled something out of him.

 

_ Kihyun gripped on to Jinyoung’s gray flannel hard. The pulse of his racing heart could be felt through Kihyun’s closed palm. _

_ “Don’t.” The older friend begged, witnessing the fight with fearful eyes. There are three girls surrounding one girl who is on the floor. They keep kicking her. _

_ “If I don’t do anything she could go to the hospital.” Jinyoung pushes Kihyun’s hand away from his chest roughly, making a beeline to the fight. He needs to stop it. _

_ “Just, god, Jinyoung wait for me!” Kihyun shouts as the determined 17 year old boy gains up speed. He hears his friend’s footsteps scuffle a few inches behind him. His focus is only on the victim. Each kick makes the girl scrunch up in pain, her hands all bruised up from protecting her stomach. There’s blood. . _

_ Without saying anything, Jinyoung runs up to the girls like a bull. He gets in the middle of the kicks and starts pushing them away one by one. Kihyun sees that as an opportunity to help the victim, quickly running down to her and scooping her up in his arms. Blood spurts out of her mouth when she coughs on her saviors chest. _

_ “Take her to the principal's offi–” A punch lands on Jinyoung’s face and ques a horrified Kihyun to begin running to their school building. The girl in his arms starts to cry. _

_ “She didn’t deserve saving!” Another blow lands on the teens back, but he remains standing. _

_ “You girls don’t deserve to call yourselves humans.” Jinyoung looks at all of them and they stop their assaults. Fists come down, resting against skirts and colorful jeans. _

_ “Park Jinyoung? Holy shit it’s him.” One of the girls covers her mouth in shock, desperately looking at her abusive friends for confirmation. They all look flushed, embarrassed almost. _

_ “What about me?” The boy stands in the middle of these terrible girls stiffly. _

_ “Well, you’re like the hottest guy in our school.” Another says. _

_ “Every girl in our school has a crush on you, i’m sure of it.” Blonde hair twirls. _

_“You’re even more handsome up close, oh my god i’m sorry I punched your beautiful face!” And Jinyoung has to stop himself from hurling on her right then and there. They just beat someone up to the point where there was blood, and they are flirting with him right after?_ _Do they not have a heart?_

_ “You should be sorry to the girl you hurt. You are all making me sick.” Jinyoung looks at them in disgust, recognizing them from their school’s girls basketball team. He’ll make sure to tell the PE department about this incident. _

_ “She’s a slut. Slept with my boyfriend while I was away. She deserved it.” The blonde reveals, rolling her eyes afterwards. _

_ “That still gives you no right to make her bleed.” Seeing red, Jinyoung decides to leave it at that. He turns around swiftly and begins to run away, hoping the girl is getting the help she needs. _

_ And as he continues to run, suggestive whistles can be heard from behind him. _

 

Jinyoung is a kind man. He can’t let that slip away. Won’t let Jisoo take that away from him.

“Jisoo and I had a fight.” He begins, Yugyeom nodding for him to keep going. Reminding him that it’s okay.

“She’s blaming everything on me, doesn’t even believe I have depression because according to her it’s a made up illness. Which is not true at all, and so hypocritical of her because she’s a doctor for fucks sake. But this isn’t the first time she’s blamed shit on me when I did nothing wrong. It’s happened so many times before. .” Swallowing harshly, he decides to take a sip of his juice before continuing. Yugyeom is staring intently.

“She hit me, forced me in to sleeping with her a couple of times, made me stop talking to Mark for a while because she doesn’t like him. She even threw away my pills when I had an episode in front of her, claiming that the pills are only fueling my craziness.” Jinyoung feels like he is deflating. All of this baggage, he has only told Mark a snippet of. Now he’s laying it all out on the table for Yugyeom to analyze because his heart trusts the kid. It’s all so confusing but, the hell with it.  _ This feels good. _

“After that I kept my mental illness a secret from her. Always denied it if she ever asked me. My excuse was always that I was stressed or tired. It worked most of the time. But she wasn’t always like this. . when I met her, god she was a sweetheart. Jisoo would sing for me, cuddle with me, stand up for me like her life depended on it. She respected everyone. That was the girl I fell in love with.” His hands get cold.

“Now she’s different. Ever since I proposed. She would disappear for days on end and come back like nothing happened. Always telling me Lisa wanted her to sleepover for a couple of days. I still don’t understand it, but I guess that is what best friends do.” Peeking a glance up at the teen across from him, eyes are squinting at his words.

“Jisoo also never says sorry, has this vendetta against it or something. She used to say sorry. Not anymore. I’m always in the wrong. I am the fuck up. I still believe that. Maybe if I was more honest with her about my mental health she would try to at least understand? But I was just so scared she was gonna leave me.” Jinyoung snickers solemnly. “She ended up leaving me anyways.”

“None of this is your fault.” It splits his mind in two. A part of him knows he has done nothing wrong. Another part of him feels like he ruined their relationship.

“Jisoo hasn’t called off the wedding, she is just staying away from me until I fix myself and get rid of my imaginary illness.” Steel clanks against bone china, Yugyeom leaning over the table as if Jinyoung’s words are reeling him in.

“She’s horrible. Jisoo is a horrible person.” The boy grits out. “You’re in a toxic relationship Jinyoung.” And that stings.

Uncomfortably adjusting himself in his seat, Jinyoung looks up at Yugyeom before looking away again. “We have a baby on the way.”  _ I’m going to be a father. I have a responsibility. _

“And that’s great. The baby isn’t at fault here. But that still doesn’t force you to stay in this relationship Jinyoung. You can still take care of the baby and not be married to Jisoo.” Is the response. The elder decides to take another bite before answering back.  _ What can I say? _

“That would only complicate things Yugyeom. Plus, i’ve dedicated years to this relationship. Sacrificed so many things just to get the happy ending I have always wanted.”

A scoff is returned.

“Really? Look at us you idiot, Jisoo isn’t here and you’re a complete wreck from head to toe! Is this the happy ending you were seeking?”

_ Fuck. _

Eyes shake nervously. Jinyoung hadn’t deeply thought about how bad things have gotten. How his goals have been completely shattered. Everything he worked for, has cried for, lead to this. A tormented Jinyoung talking to a teenager he strangely became close with. Jisoo isn’t loving him like old times. Instead, it feels like Jinyoung is chasing after her love.

“You can be happy if you make the right decisions.” Vile threatens to rise at the thought of ending things with Jisoo.

“I can’t.” He shakes his head.

Leaning back to rest on the chair, Yugyeom hums.

“So you’re still in love with her.” It’s more of a statement than a question, but Jinyoung thinks. Because if he really thinks about it. .

“No. I’m not.” Curiously, the older man makes eye contact with the younger. Vulnerability meets ambition. “I was in love with the person she pretended to be.”  _ In love with lies. _

“Then leave her.” Yugyeom is pleading. His eyes don’t tear away from Jinyoung’s own.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose the opportunity in raising our child.” Fear has him chained to Jisoo’s small wrist. She still has control.

“Take her to court if she denies you of seeing the baby. There are solutions.”  _ You’ll lose custody of the child, she always wins. You always lose. _

With a trembling heart, Jinyoung replies. “I’ll think about it.”

 

…

 

A clean baby blue 1970s Ford Mustang rolls up on to the home’s massive driveway. White platinum hair sticks out from the open top of the car in the driver’s seat. The car stops right behind Jinyoung’s Porsche.

Yugyeom visibly brightens up once the person in the car comes out.

“Bam!” Like a puppy, the tall kid charges towards this so called ‘Bam’ in a happy frenzy. He almost knocks his best friend over when they hug, but both smile nevertheless. They seperate after four seconds. Not like Jinyoung counted or anything.

Glancing towards Jinyoung, Yugyeom grabs BamBam’s forearm to drag him towards the doctor. A couple of bickers later, both teens are stood in front of the much older adult.

“This is Jinyoung. You know, the guy that helped pay for our groceries that one time?” The taller gives BamBam some sort of look that makes the best friend widen his eyes in remembrance.

“Ohh! Your rich surgeon boyfriend!”  _ W-What? _

“Hey it’s finally nice to meet you, i’m BamBam!” Jinyoung feels his heart skip several beats at what the boy in front of him says. He immediately turns to look at Yugyeom, and the kid is already looking back at him with a red face. Shaking his yellow-haired head in defense, Jinyoung watches as Yugyeom smacks the back of BamBam’s head.

“Ow, bro what the fuck?” Bam is rubbing his scalp with the palm of his decorated hand. Rings and bracelets reflect under the monotone moon as a confused scowl is thrown Yugyeom’s way.

“We aren’t–”

“I’m engaged.” Jinyoung clarifies. The confusion remains on the full-lipped boy’s face.

“But he ta–”  _ Smack _

“Don’t mind him, he mixes people up all of the time.” A flushed Yugyeom titters, wrapping BamBam under his long arm. Platinum rolls his eyes. “We’ll get going now. I’ll be back tomorrow morning though, that is. . if you don’t mind?” Coy eyelashes wave.

_ I could use some company. _

“Yeah, see you tomorrow kid.” Jinyoung half smiles.

And tomorrow comes quick, the same baby blue car pulling up to his house at around 8am. There is another car that parks next to BamBam’s, and the older man recognizes it as Yugyeom’s. He remembers the car from when Jinyoung went over the kid’s house. That same tiny gray Honda Civic was parked in Yugyeom’s driveway. He’s curious as to why BamBam is here as well. Both friends arrive an hour before Jinyoung needs to leave for work, so he needs to get moving. Turning away from his wide bedroom window, Jinyoung makes his way downstairs to meet the teenager. Jogging down the marble staircases and up to his home’s grand entrance, fresh air ripples through raven hair when the doors open. It’s refreshing.

Hearing the stone come in contact with his slippers, Jinyoung crosses his arms while he walks towards Yugyeom’s car. He watches as BamBam gets out and takes something from the trunk of his own car. It’s a suitcase. In a hurried manner, Jinyoung focuses back on Yugyeom to see him also taking a suitcase out of his trunk. There’s a backpack clinging to his slim shoulders as well.  _ What the hell? _

“Hi.” Yugyeom rolls the suitcase behind him as he approaches a baffled Jinyoung.

“Why do you have luggage with you?” It’s troublesome really. The older man is only suspecting a visit.

“Oh, i’m moving in.” Birds begin to chirp their morning song, the water of Biscayne Bay nulling Jinyoung’s racing thoughts. Yugyeom stands there with a warm smile planted on his lips.

“W-What about your dog?” An excuse for Yugyeom not to stay.

“Honey will be fine, she is more Bam’s dog than mine anyways. He doesn’t leave the house often, only for work or whenever his boyfriend calls.” The excuse is gone.

_ Just go with the flow Jinyoung, he means no harm. Live a little. _

“Oh uhm,” Clearing his throat, the surgeon nods and says; “Then that’s okay. You can use the guest room on the second floor.” Suddenly BamBam appears next to Yugyeom with the other suitcase at tow, looking between them both in interest.

Yellow shines in earnest, a gleeful ‘Alright’ jumbling up Jinyoung’s insides. So he swivels around to face his pretty double doors, allowing both boys to follow suit. They walk on the long stone pathway all the way up to the coral steps leading to the doors, BamBam struggling a bit to lift the suitcase. They make it in to the house regardless.

“Holy shit this is a whole castle!” BamBam lets his jaw hang in pure amazement. Jinyoung chuckles humbly.

“I own the smallest house in this neighborhood. This is nothing compared to the other mansions.” Still, BamBam gasps when they pass by the living room, the 70 inch flat screen TV hanging like a pure gold chain. Jinyoung even hears BamBam whisper; “You need to blow this guy as a thank you for letting you stay in here.” Jinyoung’s feet stumble on the stairs a bit as a smack echoes through the vast home.  _ These kids will be the death of me. _

Once upstairs, they all make a right and travel through a fancy sitting area situated on the right side of the wide hallway. The sitting area has two oak wooden bookshelves on either side of the room, a tall window giving the place a magical feeling. Two small black couches sit on either side of the window, a oak coffee table accompanying the decor. The dark decorated violet carpet reminds Jinyoung of the flying carpet used in Disney’s Aladdin. That was the reason he bought it in the first place.

Yet again, making another right into another hallway, there is a gray wooden door replicating his own bedroom door at the end of it. Taking a few more steps, Jinyoung grabs a hold of the black door handle and opens the door.

“Welcome to your room kid.” He steps aside to let both boys inside, BamBam immediately letting go of the suitcase. It thumps on the wooden floor harshly, but Jinyoung doesn’t mind. On the contrary, BamBam’s reaction is kind of amusing to him.

“Yugyeom you are literally a prince now. Look, you even have your own bathroom and balcony!” The fashionista points at the obvious. Jinyoung actually has three guest rooms, two downstairs and one up here. Both bedrooms downstairs are quite small in size compared to this one, so since Yugyeom has been so nice to him so far, Jinyoung decided to give him the biggest guest room in the house. Returning the favor if you will. This bedroom is just a few feet smaller than his own master suite, but that doesn’t really matter when you have a whole balcony facing the bay. The water is lovely to watch, the calm waves rocking your negative thoughts away momentarily. It’s a fascinating sight.

Other than that, Yugyeom will be sleeping on the burgundy queen-sized bed placed in center-front of the wall adjacent to the door. The balcony sliding glass doors are to the left of the bed from where Jinyoung is standing, and the bathroom is opposite of the bed. All the way across the room. To occupy some space, Jinyoung installed a mini lounge in the bedroom, all complete with a regular sized black couch and a 55 inch flat screen TV resting on a wooden TV stand. The cabinets in the stand are all empty, ready for use. There are only two windows in this room; one behind the black couch in the middle of the room and another smaller one in the bathroom. Speaking of which. .

“A bathtub! Oh my god i’m gonna mc-freaking lose it.” BamBam continues to roam around the room, dragging a dumbfounded Yugyeom behind him. It’s funny.

“Make yourself at home I guess.” Rubbing the back of his neck with his palm, Jinyoung awkwardly shuffles his weight in place as he watches the best friends ogle. Remembering he needs to get ready for work, the surgeon shoots his watch a glance and sees that he has 45 minutes to do so.  _ Gotta get ready. _

Thankfully, Yugyeom and BamBam stop rambling about the decor in this room a minute later. They make their way back to Jinyoung, bright smiles spread across their faces. Yugyeom stands right in front of him. Jinyoung stares.

“Thank you for letting me stay. I promise to help around the house with chores and all of that.” Excitement is written all over the young face Jinyoung is becoming familiar with, cheeks glowing like lanterns.

“Yeah you better. Or else i’ll kick you out.” He is half kidding, half being serious. A pet peeve of his is when people don’t clean up after themselves.

“I said what I said. Oldie.” Lips twist playfully. The insult doesn’t feel like an insult anymore. Rather, a pet name.

Still Jinyoung rolls his eyes at Yugyeom and leaves the room after that. Duty calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to make these chapters longer so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes! let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments :)


	11. Chapter 11

_the longer i float_

_the longer i hope_

_how long can i survive?_

 

Yugyeom has been living with Jinyoung for a little over a week now.

They have started this routine. One were Jinyoung wakes up to the smell of eggs frying and coffee brewing every morning. The kitchen TV is always on as the teen cooks breakfast in his ratty pijamas, a lollipop stick dancing around dry lips sometimes. It’s either partly cloudy, raining, or sunny. Jinyoung goes to open the cabinet right next to his spacious silver fridge and proceeds to take out his neon orange pill bottle. There is always a cup of fresh water conveniently placed right under the cabinet. And after his illness gets it’s fix, Jinyoung puts everything where it’s supposed to be and sweeps in to make the coffees how they like it. Black, two packets of sugar. Jinyoung’s usual. Coffee with enough almond milk to color it caramel, three packets of sugar. Yugyeom’s typical that the adult is getting used to. Breakfast is usually done afterwards, so Jinyoung waits at the table until a sleepy good morning is said. The noise of plates hitting wood signal to dig in. And they do. Jinyoung finishes first, finding himself brushing his teeth and tongue vigorously in his bathroom. Dressed up, the surgeon grabs the black bag next to his nightstand to hurry out the house. Rushing a quick goodbye to the still half-asleep teenager flicking through channels on the living room couch, Jinyoung leaves.

When the doctor comes back home, Yugyeom isn’t there. So he gets things done. Tidying up whatever he can find out of place. Cooking dinner for them, whatever the hell that may be. Then, if silence overtakes relaxation, Jinyoung lets his mind wander to written far away places. Yugyeom usually comes home to Jinyoung with a book in hand. Then, both men talk about their day over the sound of utensils hitting teeth. It’s a pleasant end to Jinyoung’s monotone days.

He is enjoying this more than he thought he would.

 

…

 

The house is quiet Friday night. Yugyeom isn’t home yet. He should be home, it’s past 7pm. Scared that some sicko kidnapped the young boy, Jinyoung calls. After four nerve-wracking rings, Yugyeom’s familiar voice speaks in to hungry ears.

“Hey hyung!” Jinyoung exhales silently.

“Hi kid, I was wondering where you’ve gone off to?” _I sound overbearing._

“Oh shoot I forgot to mention it during breakfast. I’m over at BamBam’s salon, sorry.” There’s a long pause afterwards. Plastic containers tumble and echo.

“Don’t be so–”

“Wait. . were you worried about me?” And Jinyoung knows he is poking fun at him.

“Pssh, as if I care.” _Cause I don’t._

“Oh my god. Park Jinyoung cares about me!”

“But I don’t.”

“I’m in first base! Mom I made it.” The annoying french-fry continues to yip.

Grabbing the remote control on his trusty nightstand, Jinyoung turns off the TV while Yugyeom keeps on blabbering down the phone.

“–knew you have a soft side–”

And the next thing Jinyoung hears is the tone of the phone call ending. His thumb lifts off the red phone icon with a smile. Triumphant once again.

 

…

 

It’s Saturday morning now. There is loud R&B music playing downstairs.

Groaning on linen, Jinyoung shifts in stretches before getting up and going down his fancy marble staircase. Humidity seems to leak through the open windows. _It might rain_ , Jinyoung thinks. The gloom casting over the clingy sunshine point to heavy showers. Florida is very predictable when it comes to everyday weather.

But oh man, Yugyeom isn’t predictable at all. Like not at all. The kid is equivalent to magic. No one will ever have any clue to what he will do next. Because long and behold, Yugyeom is back to black. Floppy black hair as dark as obsidian. Dancing to a song that’s causing Jinyoung to overblink. Rhythm owns Yugyeom’s soul, Jinyoung is convinced.

And when the teenager is aware of the elder’s presence, well. All hell breaks loose.

“Happy Birthday! Like your first surprise?” Beige teeth shine against the gray clouds staring through the window. Goosebumps say hello on Jinyoung’s arm.

“I don’t even know what to say.” _How the fuck does he know? I didn’t tell him it was my birthday today. . ._

Yugyeom huffs out in fake annoyance. “Well I sacrificed my scalp for you,” He smiles. “so a thank you would be nice.” Brave fingers begin to walk up on Jinyoung’s chest.

Feeling the boy get closer, Jinyoung speaks up; “Thank you.”

“Aww,” Young hands rest on the birthday boy’s nape easily. “Is that all i’m gonna get from my old man?” Chocolate eyes glaze over.

“Mhm.” Jinyoung holds his breath.

Tar-head frowns.

“I’ll have to get you something else then.” Pinching the older’s cheek before letting go, Yugyeom steps away. And Jinyoung feels better. Way better. He’d rather not be that close to the kid ever again.

 

…

 

Yugyeom isn’t the only one who wishes him a Happy Birthday. Jinyoung’s parents decided to call him in the middle of an important phone call with the Chief of Staff. The doctor had to excuse the unprofessional interruption bashfully. Thankfully his boss let it go, knowing today is a big day for the busy man. They continue talking about future changes in Jinyoung’s schedule smoothly, until everything is clear. Hanging up politely, Jinyoung makes a note on his phone before going ahead and calling his Mom back.

Glueing the phone speaker on his ear, he waits.

“Honey we’re so sorry we called you like that.” Tenderness apologizes. Immediately, Jinyoung feels relaxed, his muscles no longer stiff. Nothing really compares to a mother’s voice. Especially if she speaks the language you grew up hearing.

“No you didn’t know, it’s alright. How have you been Mom?” Korean naturally flows out of an experienced tongue. Jinyoung sways in the swivel office chair gently. Droplets of water tap against glass in a chorus as footsteps walk down on marble.

“Missing you immensely. Your Father and I have planned to go visit you soon, we have the tickets already.” The news blooms a huge smile across Jinyoung’s face. His parents decided to move back to South Korea after Jinyoung graduated with his Master’s Degree, knowing that their work as parents was done. They were such a massive support system for the aspiring surgeon, making sure he was eating well and taking care of himself. His depression would block him out of school some days, so his parents would give him that extra push if needed. Jinyoung knows he couldn’t have done all of this without them. So hearing this does make him happy.

“Really? That’s amazing!” The door to Jinyoung’s private office creaks open sneakily. Smile vanishing, his head snaps towards the noise. Of course it’s Yugyeom being all nosy and annoying.

“Yes, we hope Florida hasn’t changed much! Say, how is our beautiful Jisoo doing? The baby?” Giving the kid his best death glare, Jinyoung grows frustrated at Yugyeom’s innocent facade.

“Oh yes, Jisoo?” Horrifically, Yugyeom actually pretends to gag. Including the disgusting sound effect along with his pointer finger pointing at his tongue. _What a fucking child._ So Jinyoung shoos away at him frantically as if there is smoke around the room.

“She’s doing fine, we’re happy together.”

“Liar!” That powerful two syllable English word slices Jinyoung’s sentence in to tiny untrustworthy pieces. Of course Yugyeom understands Korean.

“Jinyoung, what was that?” It’s his Dad now, confusion evident in his aging voice.

Paling, their son answers before Yugyeom can say anything else. “I’m with a friend.”

“Oh. Do you mind passing the phone to Jisoo? We’d like to speak to her, it’s been a while.” Upon hearing the request, Jinyoung panics and mentally comes up with an excuse. All while Yugyeom snickers in the background.

“Jisoo isn’t home right now. She is out with her friend Lisa, sorry.” _Keep your cool Jinyoung._

“That’s a bit strange, she should be home with you for your birthday.” His Dad sounds confused again. Yugyeom begins to dance randomly by the open door.

“Yeah she was home this morning, she’s just out buying my cake!” Lies keep on spilling out.

“Ahh, well that makes sense! We are going to leave you with your friends now. Happy Birthday my precious boy, we love you!” Jinyoung fists the swivel chair’s armrest. _Calm down._

“Yes, thank you. I love you too. Bye.” And when Yugyeom sees Jinyoung end the call, long legs scurry out of the room. Jumping out of his chair, Jinyoung clumsily bolts to the living room to catch up with the rascal. He doesn’t understand why the teen likes to irritate him at the most inconvenient times. _Does he plan this?_ Weaving through furniture, Yugyeom laughs loudly as Jinyoung chases him around. Hands try to grasp at green fabric uselessly, the kid is too quick. Strategizing on the spot, Jinyoung decides that cornering Yugyeom is the best option. So chasing him all the way to the kitchen, adult arms trap Yugyeom in between the wall and door that leads to the backyard. Unspoken, Jinyoung glares at the nuisance so hard his jaw tenses up. He guesses his intimidation makes Yugyeom fret and run through the, now, open backyard door. And it’s still pouring outside. _Fool._

Closing the door fast, Jinyoung hears the lock click in place as Yugyeom bangs on the messy glass moments later. The kid is cursing at him. Jinyoung can read lips. Jinyoung also finds this extremely satisfying, so he laughs.

 

…

 

Booming around the home is the doorbell. It bounces off of tall walls while Jinyoung gets off the couch to fetch the door. He isn’t suspecting anybody, so looking through the peephole sounds like a safe bet. Metal scraping against more metal, Jinyoung lifts the cover off and well, peeps.

It’s Hyungwon and Mark.

Caught off guard, Jinyoung whips his alarmed face back to the couch he left seconds ago. The petty adult might have locked Yugyeom out of the house for a whole four minutes. And the teenager might have came back inside shivering. Today’s rain showers are cooler than Jinyoung anticipated. So now Yugyeom is sitting on the couch with a huge pink fluffy blanket wrapped around his overgrown figure, hot cup of tea held in between his cold palms. Jisoo’s huge pink fluffy blanket.

Noticing Jinyoung’s attention, the kid asks who is at the door.

“My friends. They don’t know you’re living with me.” Nerves begin to shake the man’s left foot.

“Oh. Don’t you think they already saw my car parked in your driveway though?” Yugyeom says nonchalantly. Like Jinyoung’s mental meltdown isn’t happening right in front of him.

Another ring echoes powerfully.

“Shit you’re right. I-I’ll just say—“

“That i’m a friend who needed a place to stay for some time. Say i’m a friend, not your nephew.” It’s as clear as day. Yugyeom is a friend, as weird as that sounds. Kim Yugyeom became his friend somehow. Jinyoung blames his kindness.

“God what did I ever do to live this terrible life.” The surgeon groans out in frustration, turning around to face the grand entrance doors. Yugyeom audibly sips his tea calmly and Jinyoung mentally curses at him. Turning the knob to unlock his door, he prepares for the worst case scenario.

A slight breeze enters the home when the door opens, revealing Mark and Hyungwon idly chatting with each other. Both men face forwards. Jinyoung gulps.

“We were wondering what was taking you so long! I was about to fall asleep waiting for your lazy ass.” Yawns an impatient Hyungwon. It stopped raining.

“Dude, you fall asleep everywhere.” Mark retaliates.

“Anyways,” His tall friend ignores truth. “it’s your birthday! You’ve successfully grown one year closer to death! Hurray!!” Morbid, but Hyungwon isn’t wrong. Thinking about his birthday that way feels like an accomplishment. Since, you know, Jinyoung doesn’t really want to be here anymore.

“Feels great.” Jinyoung blinks.

Sighing at the conversation, Mark continues. “We came here to get a couple drinks with you as a celebration. Some friends of ours are already there, waiting for you. What’d ya say?” His best friend’s eyebrow raises, sharp teeth out on display.

_Go with the flow._

“Sure. Let me go get dressed.” Giving them a quick half smile, Jinyoung is about to shut the door until Hyungwon stops him with his obnoxiously long foot. _Shit._

“Hey I am NOT waiting out here for another hour. My limbs need some rest, let us in.”

_Shit!_

“Uhm, y-yeah. Sorry.” Feeling every nerve jitter, the surgeon closes his eyes and opens the door wider for his friends. _This is it_ , Jinyoung thinks. _They’re gonna ask a million questions i’m not prepared to answer. Mark is gonna be so confused. Hyungwon will probably ask if Yugyeom is my nephew because of the incident at the hospital. Why did I ever agree–_

“Yugyeom?” Petrified, Jinyoung cracks one measly eye open at Hyungwon’s astounded tone.

“Oh my god, Hyungwon!” The boy sitting on the couch exclaims. Widening his eyes at the situation, Jinyoung looks at both guys back and forth, not understanding how they know each other’s names.

“Jinyoung, why is the kid I used to babysit on your living room couch?” Hyungwon answers Jinyoung’s question with a bang. An explosion. It leaves Jinyoung feeling like gross debris.

“Babysit?” Making sure his ears aren’t deceiving him.

“Yeah, I babysat Yugyeom. He was seven when I took the job, and twelve when I left.” _That’s five years._

Yugyeom carefully places the cup of tea on a coaster before basically ripping the blanket off of his body and running towards the taller man. Hyungwon notices, so he widely opens his arms for the teen to crash in to. Plump cheek squished against a nimble shoulder, Yugyeom’s head rests on Hyungwon as his arms wrap around slim torso. Hyungwon protectively caresses the kid’s head. “He is the little brother I never had.” The only child explains.

Jinyoung doesn’t know how to process this. How is Yugyeom so involved in his life?

“Hyung, we’re friends.” Smiles out a joyful Yugyeom. Looking up at Hyungwon to smile some more, he turns his pretty little eyes towards Jinyoung. Holding eye contact with the jumbled up doctor, Yugyeom tests the waters. “Aren’t we Jinyoung?”

A nervous nod answers the question.

“Huh, small world.” Hyungwon says.

“Guess so.” Mark responds from behind the hugging pair.

 

…

 

A combination of dark purples and magenta illuminate the entire night club interior swimmingly. People of legal drinking age are gathered together in groups, some scattered here and others scattered there. This popular song blasts out of large black speakers in vibrations. Jinyoung can’t really figure out what song is playing, something about feeling a radar, but it has a nice melody to it.

Following his friends up some stairs, Jinyoung watches the scenery change. The same song is playing, but the walls are gone. They are on the rooftop now, rows of metal scaffolding surrounding the dance floor in the center. Multiple low rectangular couches form squares on the left, a small opening to get in to the seats next to the dance floor. On the right are regular seats lined up together. And right next to entrance of the rooftop is the bar, three clean flat-screen televisions hanging side by side. All the way at the other end of the rooftop, across the dance floor, is a fancy DJ’s booth. Florida is being nice with the weather, no rain clouds in sight. A big difference from today’s chilly rainy morning.

Excusing themselves through crowds, Jinyoung follows Mark’s backside until he stops in front of a box of couches. Entering the small space, the men sit down and make themselves comfortable in this loud atmosphere.

“Everyone welcome the birthday boy!” Mark pats his best friend with a relaxed grin. It commences a roar of whistles and cheers from the group sitting around them. Flattered, Jinyoung starts looking at the people one by one. To his right is Mark, Jackson, and Sahna. To his left is Hyungwon, who is laughing at something the person in front of him said. Following his line of eyesight, Jinyoung finds himself staring at a stranger. The stranger catches a glimpse of the birthday boy and decides to introduce himself.

“Happy birthday Jinyoung! I’m Jooheon, a friend of Hyungwon.” Seems like Hyungwon is friends with everybody.

But the strang–correction, Jooheon, has such a welcoming eye smile that Jinyoung doesn’t mind getting up and shaking hands over the small table. It’s the least he can do for joining his birthday celebration.

Seated, Jooheon proceeds to introduce the other two men sitting in front of Jinyoung.

“This handsome fella right here is my husband, Minhyuk. And the rat sitting next to him is Kihyun.” Laughter erupts from the group but, it slowly starts to fade out like Jinyoung being pushed into a pool face first. He is underwater, heart beating out of his chest because there he is. Lee Minhyuk. The first and only boy he ever had a massive crush on. All with his perfect button nose, keen hypnotizing eyes, and sinful lips Jinyoung loved to kiss. The same lips that confessed how in love they were with Jinyoung. The same Minhyuk, it’s him. A silver wedding band over his ring finger and dark red wine hair covering his scalp is the only difference.

And Kihyun, god he hasn’t changed much either. Same grandpa glasses with the annoying chain attached to it. Same noticeable lisp coming out as he curses at Jooheon. Although, he did grow taller. Still, it’s like Jinyoung traveled back in time to his High School.

“Jinyoung and I go way back! We used to be best friends, isn’t that right?” Kihyun is shouting over the noise, facing Jinyoung for help. Wavy black hair looks good on him. It’s a change from the auburn brown Kihyun had back in High School.

“Yeah, used to be.” _Why does that hurt to say?_

His ex best friend twists his lips as dark brown eyes become solemn. Getting up, Jinyoung watches as Kihyun carefully makes his way towards his sitting form. They were never fans of physical contact, always keeping their distance comfortably. A couple hugs here and there yes, but holding hands or touching arms? Never.

So when Kihyun takes a hold of Jinyoung’s resting hand unexpectedly, the younger is quite perplexed.

“Can we go talk in private?” Whispers his ex best friend so Hyungwon nor Mark can hear. But they aren’t even paying much attention anyways, Hyungwon being too focused on pouring Jooheon a drink from the bottles of liquor provided meanwhile Mark. . Well essentially flirting with Jackson. As if the thigh holding isn’t flirtatious enough.

Nodding, Jinyoung feels Kihyun tug him up. Their hands stay in contact as the older of the two leads them away from the group and to the colorful bar. Tall metal stools line up the front of the bar like sunflowers in a garden. The bartender behind shiny granite is fixing up her ponytail as a soccer game plays on the vivid television screens. It’s less loud over here, only a handful of women and men chatting about the game, drinks in hand. Taking a seat on one of the available stools, Kihyun sits next to him. Not knowing where to look, Jinyoung opts to watch the soccer game. He hears Kihyun ordering drinks for both of them.

And when one of the players from the team in red scores a goal, beer topped with a slice of lime gets placed in front of him.

Following the hand that gave him the drink, he ends up facing his ex best friend.

“I’m sorry.” Is the next thing Jinyoung hears.

“For what?”

“For losing contact with you. We used to be so close and when we graduated I just got so engrossed in my studies that,” Kihyun looks down in guilt. “I didn’t forget about you. Please don’t think. . I really could never. You were the only person in school that never judged me for being such a dweeb and. .” Jinyoung feels his heart get warmer. “You know how high school was, you were one of those hot dudes. So you being fairly popular and still walking around with me like the confused stares didn’t bother you was, i’m just so grateful.” A woman next to Jinyoung celebrates as the sports reporter shouts out another long goal.

“So i’m sorry for being MIA for all of these years.” Kihyun picks his head up, giving Jinyoung a wobbly smile. The same smile he would give Jinyoung whenever he got himself in to some sort of trouble.

“I didn’t keep in contact with you either, so it’s both our faults.” Extending a hand, Kihyun takes it steadily.

Shaking them in mutual agreement, the older adds; “Feels nice to have you back Jinyoung. Happy birthday.”

Both men smile.

 

…

 

Hard liquor is passing around in clean cut glasses, bits of alcohol splashing out with each celebratory clink. Remixes and song requests now blasts through speakers, the DJ having arrived a couple of minutes ago. Jackson makes a stupid birthday pun which makes the birthday boy laugh in distaste. Mark throws a light punch at Jackson’s defined chest, Minhyuk whistling their way. It’s obvious to everyone here that Markson are a thing. And Jinyoung supports both of his friends one hundred percent. _If Mark would just kiss Jackson already. ._

Instead, Minhyuk kisses Jooheon. It’s quick, a peck really. Jooheon was leaning on Minhyuk’s shoulder while their hands naturally intertwined with one another, and next thing you know, Minhyuk swooped in. And Jinyoung isn’t jealous, no. He no longer likes Minhyuk that way. Yeah his ex boyfriend is still very handsome, but that’s all there is to it. Jinyoung just feels a little sick to his stomach and a lot lonelier than before. Maybe it’s the liquor screwing him over. He’s never been the best at drinking.

“I,” Cough “want a girlfriend!” Sahna splurges out after taking another shot. Kihyun seconds that drunk thought with a pat on the young boy’s back.

“Are you single too Jinyoung?” Minhyuk asks, the liquor painting his ex with a mystic glow. Red wine hair luminescent under the moonlight.

His tongue seems to have shut down, so Mark answers for him.

“No, he’s sadly engaged to a bitch.” An unexpected snort leaks out of Jinyoung.

“Engaged!” Minhyuk’s eyes widen along with his grin. “Tell me all about them.”

Raising his hand up to loose lips, Jinyoung suppresses another laugh. “Mark described her pretty well. She’s a fucking bitch! We met in college but I don’t know why we’re still together.”

Jinyoung misses the lost looks from Sahna and Hyungwon.

“If that’s the case then leave her! Go get yourself some dick for a change.” Exclaims a logical and really sober Minhyuk. Jooheon agrees with a loud yes, and Jackson high fives Jooheon’s husband right after.

“Wait I thought you and Jisoo were doing fine?” Hyungwon butts in.

Clumsily falling against the couch’s backrest, Jinyoung laughs at his tall friend. _His confusion is so funny_.

“No, she left the house! Said that I should apologize for something I didn’t even do, so let her stay gone. I don’t care about her anymore. All I care about is my fucking baby.” He reveals to his new friend group, almost dropping his shot glass on the ground. With a firm grip, Jinyoung allows Jackson to pour him another drink.

“A BABY?! You’re going to be a dad!” Minhyuk points at his ex, not believing what was just said.

“Yeah i’m going to be a dad! I’m so excited Minhyuk, like this is crazy! That baby is the only hope I have left in my life.” Says the lonely man. Strong alcohol floods all of Jinyoung’s senses as he downs another shot.

“Congrats bro! Hey let’s drink to that!” Jooheon raises his full glass in the air and the other friends that have alcohol in their cups follow suit. Except for Minhyuk and Hyungwon. They are the designated drivers for tonight. Minhyuk never liked drinking anyways. _I remember that._

Clinking once again, Jinyoung observes his friends in a blur. Everything feels slower. Any movement around Jinyoung has a hazy shadow to it. Motion blur.

“So aside from the baby and your terrible wife-to-be, anyone else you see yourself loving?” It’s a risky question. Throws Jinyoung off guard. Minhyuk still waits for an answer.

“Isn’t that considered as cheating?!” Sahna asks innocently.

“That’s cheating!” Jackson backs the youngest up.

“Jinyoung would never cheat, no matter how horrible his lover is.” Mark affirms.

_Cheating is bad Jinyoung. Very bad._

“Maybe in the future.” Honesty answers the question for him.

“Y-You like somebody else?” Kihyun baffles. The rest of his friends are either shocked, excited, or confused. Hyungwon is a mixture of all those three emotions.

“No! I just want to have true love. .” Finally, Jinyoung lets his face fall. A gloomy frown seals his full lips shut, feeling his eyes fill up with hot tears. Mark notices the incoming breakdown, so he brings Jinyoung close to his chest and lets him break.

 

…

 

Minhyuk ends up driving Jinyoung home, along with Jooheon, Kihyun, and Sahna. Blurry bright lights whiz all around the drunk man and before he can settle down to catch a quick nap, they arrive. It makes no sense to Jinyoung, since his senses are telling him it was only like two minutes in the car. Either way, they arrive at Jinyoung’s house first since he lives the closest to the nightclub. Pulling up on his long grand driveway, Minhyuk whistles in adornment.

“Lovely mansion you got there.” He proceeds to say.

Feeling the car jerk in to park, Jinyoung doesn’t register what was just said. He is too busy trying to unbuckle his seat-belt. The oil covered seat-belt buckle that just won’t seem to click open, fighting against Jinyoung’s dancing fingers.

“Oh so you’re RICH rich.” Jooheon’s emphasis catches Jinyoung’s attention.

“Rich? Who’s rich? Do I know him?” Still struggling, Kihyun huffs in annoyance and ends his best friend’s misery by clicking the buckle open. Kihyun isn’t drunk, just a bit tipsy. So his motor skills are still working. Jinyoung on the other hand. . .

“You’re gone bro.”

Minhyuk bursts into laughter following Kihyun’s accurate observation.

“And you’re an asshole for just watching him fight with his seat-belt!” The small statured man nags, hitting Minhyuk’s arm rightfully so. Jinyoung just watches them innocently. The doctor has no idea how drunk he really is. _Did Minhyuk drive me home? I thought Kihyun was the one driving._

“We should help him get to his front door.” Sanha unbuckles his seat-belt as he clumsily tries to open the car door. Noticing the kid opening the window instead, Kihyun halts his actions with a comforting hand.

“Sanha, you’re gone too.” The elder smiles sarcastically.

“Then let us help him.” Jooheon cuts in. Patting Kihyun’s back roughly, the much stronger friend opens the car door and hops out. Kihyun curses under his breath at the harsh contact and turns around to glare at the orange-haired boy. “Hey! Come on you rat, Jinyoung might start puking if we don’t hurry up.” Pouty lips complain.

_Puking? Is someone puking?_

“Nobody is puking Jinyoung.” Minhyuk answers absconding thoughts.

_Oh._

Vibrations scatter through Jinyoung’s body as something slams shut and another thing opens up, warm wind tickling flush skin. Then something else is touching him, more so picking him up out of his seat. Strong arms and a sturdy chest comes in contact with Jinyoung’s own chest, feeling like a princess being rescued by her noble knight. Top that off with delicious smelling cologne, Jinyoung might fuck around and kiss this guy if he doesn’t get off.

From Minhyuk’s point of view, Jinyoung looks like a ragdoll being manhandled by two frustrated friends.

“Who is holding me?” Intoxication questions.

“Kihyun and Jooheon. Now cooperate with them, you look like a noodle.” Jinyoung hears someone in the car say. _Noodle? Is he talking about me? I should stand up._

Stomping his feet on the concrete to make sure he is on Earth, the drunk man tries his hardest to let his legs support him. They wobble a bit but he keeps resisting against pesky gravity. That gives Jooheon and Kihyun the chance to hold him at his sides, Jinyoung’s numb arms being supported on their shoulders. When the coast is clear, they begin their journey to the big double doors one step at a time. Each step feels like an hour, but they make it up the small stone stairs and to the doors. Expecting their friend to take out his keys, Jooheon and Kihyun are caught by surprise when he opts to ringing the doorbell.

“Buddy, isn’t Jisoo living somewhere else now?” Kihyun cautiously asks, not wanting to upset his friend. Jinyoung gets really emotional when he’s drunk.

But his question isn’t answered with words, rather with a random kid opening one of the doors to Jinyoung’s mansion from the inside. Startled and confused, both Jooheon and Kihyun look at each other for some sort of explanation. Why is there a boy, clearly younger, smiling at them like he suspected their arrival. Like he lives with Jinyoung.

“Hi! I’m Yugyeom, who are you guys?” A kind smile shines at them.

_They’re my friends._

“Who.. Who are you?” Kihyun shows his obvious confusion, not smiling back but not being rude either. He just stands there gripping on to Jinyoung a little tighter than before. Just in case.

“I’m Jinyoung’s friend. I live with him now, since Jisoo decided to leave him all alone.” Yugyeom responds with a genuine expression, smile timid and eyes sincere. _He is so charming._

“Well do you mind helping us bring Jinyoung inside?” Jooheon asks politely, lifting the drunk man again because he was slipping forward.

“Yeah of course! Come on in, we can sit him down on the couch.” Opening the door wider, Yugyeom welcomes them inside. _Why are you welcoming me inside my own house? I live here you idiot. . God you’re so stupid sometimes you know kid? So stupid with your stupid cute smile and your stupid pretty eyes it’s annoying. . I deserve an Oscar for the best male actor because living with you requires a lot of acting. . Also why the hell are you wearing my robe?_

Cushions are supporting Jinyoung now. Jooheon, Kihyun, and Yugyeom magically appear in front of him. _Huh?_

“Jinyoung do you feel sick?” _It’s Kihyun._

“No? I just want some uhm,” Scratching the back of his head unattractively, he figures out what he wants. “Water. My throat is reeeeeaally dry.”

“I got it guys, i’ll take care of him from here.” _It’s Yugyeom and his annoying voice speaking now._

“You sure? You seem pretty young to me.” Kihyun contradicts the kid’s statement.

“I’m almost eighteen. Plus, i’ve handled my drunk friends before. All i’m worried about is Jinyoung.” The teen bites back. _Don’t talk to Kihyun like that you disrespectful little boy. Don’t make me get up and beat your ass._

“Ki, just leave it. They’re friends so Yugyeom knows Jinyoung, he’ll be fine.” Jooheon grabs onto the shorter man’s shoulder protectively. Jooheon trusts Yugyeom. The kid is only trying to help.

“I just haven’t seen Jinyoung in so long–”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Yugyeom is back with a cup of water, oh so glorious in Jinyoung’s dizzy vision. Extending his hands to reach the cure, Yugyeom slaps them away gently.

“Hey! I’m gonna beat you up!” Jinyoung fumes, not believing he is being treated this way by a minor. He tries to get up, to no avail. His body gives up and lets him fall right back onto the couch. Jinyoung sighs in frustration. _I hate being drunk._

“You’ll choke if I give you the water like that. Here, take the straw and drink. I’m holding the cup.” Yugyeom says as he goes down to his knees, now eye level with the drunk mess that is Park Jinyoung. Too thirsty to register their close proximity, Jinyoung eagerly takes the straw in between his lips and drinks. Cold liquidy goodness flows into his dry throat, so good it makes him close his eyes and moan in satisfaction.

Yugyeom’s neck begins to flush scarlet.

“Alright I think we should go now.” Kihyun visibly grimaces at the scene before him, not wanting to witness any further. Just the mere moan of his childhood friend made him want to bolt out the door. Jooheon hums in agreement and like that both friends leave.

 

…

 

Red icing spells out _“Happy Birthday my Oldie!”_ on a white sugary surface. The oreo ice-cream cake stands out in the midst of the dark kitchen Jinyoung knows too well. He could probably brew himself a pot of coffee without any lights on if he really wanted to. But dancing flames illuminate Yugyeom’s small smile softly as he holds the cake out in front of him.

“I know your birthday already passed, but this was sitting in the fridge all day yesterday. .” Innocence pouts. Eyes traveling south of sulky lips, collarbones and paler skin showcase in front of Jinyoung. The striped pyjama button up was, let’s say, not buttoned up all the way. Loose and exposing, the top two buttons are undone. It’s Jinyoung’s pyjama shirt.

A warm feeling spreads from the tips of Jinyoung’s big ears all the way to his smooth nose bridge. Blame it on the hangover.

 

…

 

Both boys are enjoying their cake, with the occasional groan coming out of the eldest here and there. It’s not a bother to Jinyoung. It’s quite a bother to Yugyeom.

“Maybe eating this cold cake after you drank more than your weight last night wasn’t a good idea.” Yugyeom sheepishly breaks the heavy silence. His tone seems to scream embarrassment.

“No!” Jinyoung immediately retorts and regrets it. His brain begins to bang pots and pans inside of his skull at an vexatious rate. “This. . this is nice.”

Not taking the bait, the kid sighs dramatically.

“I should have prepared you some hangover soup instead. We could have eaten the cake—“

“Yugyeom, you’re going to fuel my headache even more if you keep sulking like that. Really. I’ll survive.” Cutting the younger off with slight irritation and the kindest smile he can muster, Jinyoung melts down another bite of ice-cream.

“I’m happy you did.”

Confused, Jinyoung asks what he means by that.

“That you survived all these years. If you didn’t then I wouldn’t have had the privilege of meeting you. So uhm,” Yugyeom’s neck looks redder than usual as he catches Jinyoung’s observant eyes with his own. “thank you for staying alive hyung.”

The lonely doctor feels his throat tighten at those meaningful words. He has never heard that come out of anybody’s mouth in all of his years of hopelessly breathing on this earth. Even breathing costs him sometimes, but Yugyeom just said that he’s proud of him for breathing. Something fruitless that makes all the difference.

“Thank you too, Gyeom.” Jinyoung manages to wedge out of his throat before overthinking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes, it's been a while since i've posted so! also, i want to clarify that i'm not glorifying depression in anyway possible. this isn't some story where another character cures the other, because depression is a real illness that i happen to struggle with and people coming in to save you is just not real. people can help you through it though, and that's what i'm trying to get at in this fictional story. leave me comments on how you feel about this chapter, it would be much appreciated! :)


	12. Chapter 12

_ without a sound you fight for my life _

_ sunshine blinds me _

_ clouds looming, watching our every move _

 

Different shades of yellow, orange, and red usually paint the dying grass around this time of year. Not in Florida. Palm tree leaves do die and wither, however instead of turning into fun colors the dead leaves just hang all pale and gross. It’s a dirty cream color, as if birds shat all over them. So Autumn in Florida is not pretty nor exciting. The only slight change is in the weather dropping down to the low sixties at night. But during the day it still feels like Summer. And Jinyoung hates it.

Out of all the cities he could be living in, Jisoo had to force them to stay in Miami, Florida. Jinyoung grew up here and was so set on moving to a different state after college, maybe even a different country. But of course, Jisoo had to rip that away from him like everything else.

Regardless, Yugyeom is excited about the unrecognizable change in season. He even wants to dress up for Halloween. Which, unfortunately, happens in two days.

“I already said no.” Hearing Dr. Phil talk about some issue the actual doctor doesn’t dare pay attention to, he clicks to another channel. Leaning back against the couch, Yugyeom’s voice whines over the news reporter.

“Pleeeeease? It’s only for a night, I promise we’ll have fun!” The sun has already set, so the television’s artificial lights shine brightly against Yugyeom’s left side of his face. Jinyoung looks away from the beggar.

“No.” Dressing up to ask for candy at stranger’s doorsteps doesn’t sound fun at all. Rather uncomfortable. Jinyoung used to go trick or treating in High School because back then it was fun to go into a candy coma. But not now. He’d much prefer to have a scary movie marathon and eat some ice-cream straight from the tub all night long.

“We won’t go trick or treating! If that’s something you hate, we won’t!” Pulling on frayed strings, Yugyeom continues to beg. It catches the elder’s attention.

“So why do you want us to dress up so badly?” He questions with an arched brow. Brown almonds perk up.

“Because there’s this Halloween party Bam told me about that includes costumes and dancing. . .” The kid timidly looks away from Jinyoung’s knowing gaze. “And Bam is going so I want to go too but, uhm. . I want to go with you.” Yugyeom fidgets with his fingers as if he was just scolded at for not cleaning his room. _I wonder what’s got him so nervous._

“How long is this party going to last?”

That springs Yugyeom back to life.

“From seven to midnight. There’s a bar for you adults to get wasted, and the club is really cool looking too! Plus you’ll get to meet BamBam’s boyfriend if you come!” Club?

“Aren’t you too young to enter a nightclub if they serve alcohol?” Nervous tension seems to pour back into the atmosphere. Yugyeom stutters a blink.

“Hyunwoo is a bartender at that club. He’s also conveniently BamBam’s boyfriend, so he lets us in.” Says the seventeen year old.

“That’s illegal you know.” Jinyoung points out the obvious with a calmness that makes Yugyeom shift on the couch. Closer to the elder that is.

“A lot of things are illegal. Who cares.” The kid shrugs, his extra loose graphic shirt slipping off of his shoulder a bit. Being aware of that, Jinyoung looks back at the television quickly.

_ He’s wearing another one of my shirts again. _

“It’s not like we haven’t done illegal things together.” He catches Yugyeom annoyingly mutter under his breath. Flashbacks of drinking with the teen and watching him dance in his little studio come back to bother the doctor.

“I’m still not going.” He re-affirms, obviously irritated. The kid needs to learn how to take no as an answer. Let Jinyoung be a sad hermit if he chooses to be.

“Oh come on! Why?!” Yugyeom huffs out.

“Because I don’t want to. I don’t have any other reason.”

“But you went out to drink with all your friends recently! I won’t drink if you don’t want me to!”

“That was different Yugyeom. It was for my birthday. Also, I don’t care if you drink or not. I’m not your mom.” Sharp like a knife, Jinyoung speaks without even looking at the kid next to him. News about checking Halloween candy before consuming them fills in the silence that comes afterwards. The lady speaks about finding a needle in her twix chocolate bar for a whole 22 seconds before he realizes Yugyeom hasn’t said anything since. Looking over to the surprising silence, the teenager is as serious as a stone.

“Don’t mention my mom ever again.” He commands with wobbly eyes. Wiggly fingers have turned in to closed fists.

“And why is that?” Jinyoung is just too curious to stop now.

“Because you didn’t know her like I knew her so keep her out of your mouth!” As sharp as Jinyoung was before, that icey tone cuts an unexpected gash across the elder’s face. Almost like a wake up call from the unknown. Jinyoung doesn’t know much about the teenager living in his house. It’s strange to realize that now, in fact makes the doctor a bit uncomfortable. So asking more questions seems plausible.

_ He knew her. Knew, not knows. Past tense. _

“What happened to your mom Yugyeom?” This question comes out as light as a feather then plummets into Yugyeom like an anchor. It weighs heavy in the air. Makes both kid and man anxious. Still, Yugyeom complies with a response.

“If I tell you, I don’t want your pity. Don’t tell me you’re sorry because you didn’t do anything wrong. Please promise me that.” Practically begging Jinyoung again, but this time it’s serious. Real serious. There’s no playful smile on elegant lips. Just a tight line across strained facial expressions.

“I promise.”

Yugyeom nods, taking in a deep shaky breath.

“When I was thirteen years old, my mom, she uhm, died in a car accident coming back home from work.” Utters the kid.

“When I was sixteen, my dad removed me out of his life. I bought myself a journal to keep myself sane from all the hell around me. But he found my journal while cleaning my room one day and read about my sexuality. He said that he will never have a gay son, so he kicked me out. I haven’t heard of him since.”

Shifting on the couch, Jinyoung starts to piece things together.

“So that’s why you don’t go to school.” More of a statement than a question. Still, Yugyeom answers.

“Yeah, my dad took me out of school. Plus I can’t afford it now with this shitty part time job. That’s why I live with BamBam now.”

_ This all happened last year. _

Jinyoung can’t wrap his head around all of this. “But you seem so—“

“Happy?” Beams of sunlight bicker at the gloom. Jinyoung keeps staring at obnoxious teeth. “I am, just not all the time.” He finishes.

And there is truth in that. Happiness can never be measured, never be set up like an alarm clock for your own convenience. It’s never concrete. Yugyeom has a positive energy oozing out of him most of the time. But that does not equal complete fulfillment. Sadly enough, the doctor knows exactly how that feels on a more intense level.

Jisoo gave him that sufficient happiness that could keep him afloat for as long as she allowed him. Their baby is giving Jinyoung the happiness he knows will make him sail. That baby inside of Jisoo is his only hope in this world. He’s got nothing else to live for, not even his parents or friends. There’s nothing tying him down anymore.

So Jinyoung gets it. What he doesn’t get is how strong Yugyeom truly is. The kid is barely an adult and he has gone through shit much worse than the elder. Even having the strength to flash Jinyoung a smile every morning during breakfast has said man staggering over his own self loathing.

Acknowledging the kid’s vigor, Jinyoung hums a tiny “I see.” towards Yugyeom’s direction. And when his eyesight travels that direction, he sees a dam ready to break.

Without saying a word, Jinyoung bravely slides up next to Yugyeom. And like a domino knocking over another, fabric dips under the older man’s fingertips as the kid follows suit. Heart beating faster than before, Jinyoung can feel Yugyeom’s trembling breath hitting his temple repeatedly. It sounds like he is on the brink of hyperventilating and that just doesn’t sit right with Jinyoung. Makes his insides squirm, his face burn. So, carefully, Jinyoung places a warm palm on soft black strands and pulls. Yugyeom’s face is on the crevice in between his shoulder and neck, the boy’s hands automatically grabbing at his sides and squeezing. Almost as if saying thank you. Almost.

And Jinyoung almost thinks he will protect Yugyeom from anything ugly this world decides to dump on him. Almost.

 

…

 

Kids run around yelling gibberish to their parents as printed pictures of different costumes laugh at Jinyoung. Yugyeom has his hand in a tight grip as he cautiously drags the elder through the kids section of the store and in to the adults section. It’s a miracle they didn’t bump in to a small child because they are everywhere, much to the doctor’s already bubbling frustration.

Even so, Yugyeom still beams at Jinyoung when they reach all of the adult costumes, talking about how good the older man will look if he wears a fake lip ring. The fake silver accessory waves under Jinyoung’s nose as the kid pleads him to put it on.

“I don’t even need a lip ring for the costume you are forcing me to wear.” Aggravation speaks.

“You agreed, i’m not forcing you to do anything oldie!” Pink tongue sticking out annoyingly, Yugyeom giggles as Jinyoung snatches the dainty piece of jewelry away from his evil hands. He is pure evil.  _ The fucking devil. And i’m the fool that fell for his trap. _

“Just get the costumes so my misery can end sooner.” It’s Jinyoung’s turn to beg now. God how he wishes to run out of the loud store and be in his bed already. He doesn’t care if it’s only five in the afternoon, he will sleep away his problems if he wants to.

Hanging the lip ring back on to where it originally was, the older man turns around to a middle finger saying hello. Yugyeom is flipping Jinyoung off very dramatically. It doesn’t matter though, because the kid proceeds to turn around and search through the sea of costume pictures stuck on the wall in front of them. Jinyoung lets his eyes travel between Yugyeom’s side profile to the costumes intently, like watching a tennis match. The elder has no idea what costume he will have to wear so this is riling up his nerves a bit.

And then Yugyeom hums a cheery ‘Ok’, turning back around to catch Jinyoung’s shifty gaze.

“What size do you usually wear?” The kid asks, eying Jinyoung’s entire body as he waits for the man’s response. His gaze burns.

“Medium.” Looking away, he spots two little girls wearing minion costumes together. They laugh as their mom takes pictures of them.

“Noted.”

 

…

 

Long horizontal strips of artificial light buzz above the regretful man distastefully. The cheap red plastic hat, red suspenders that cross along his back, yellow decorating the sides of his black high-waisted slacks. But oh of course Yugyeom had to pick out the sexy firefighter costume, so there Jinyoung is in a white tank top hugging his chest so fittingly it makes him look sort of buff. Sort of.

_ When will you ever learn Jinyoung. You’re a fucking idiot. _

Although, he doesn’t look too bad. It’s the thought of matching with Yugyeom for Halloween that is making his stomach complain. The vile is threatening to jump out.

But a knock stuffs the vomit back in to his throat.

“Does it fit?” Yugyeom asks.

“Yeah,” Admiring himself in the mirror to make sure he looks decent everywhere, Jinyoung continues to speak after that short pause. “let’s just get this and go.”

 

…

 

If being a sexy firefighter for Halloween wasn’t embarrassing enough, having makeup added to his eyes by BamBam should take the cake. It’s not that he hates makeup, no, it’s the fact that he will have to go out in public like this. Park Jinyoung is a qualified and well known surgeon. What if someone recognizes the professional in this silly attire?

_ I would engulf myself in flames. What irony. _

“You are giving me smokey-eye realness right now king! Ugh, i’m so talented.” Boosting his ego up, BamBam kisses the tips of his magical fingers like a chef would if they made a delicious dish. It’s comical really. But Jinyoung keeps a stone cold face because the tip of the eyeliner is on his waterline and the slightest movement could poke his whole eye out. So he’d rather be a bitch than lose an eye.

Feeling the wet nub drag along, heavy footsteps appear out of nowhere. It’s so unexpected that it makes both men stop what they’re doing to peek at what made that noise. BamBam whips his head around and immediately yells a bunch of positive affirmations. Gloating himself and the boy standing a few feet away from them.

Jinyoung wishes he never looked.

BamBam had his friend design Yugyeom’s costume because apparently the annoying boy wanted a costume that didn’t exist. BamBam was excited to do the offer.

And so now, Yugyeom is wearing a headband on his forehead embroidered with yellow, orange, and red flames. Black bangs are styled over the piece of fabric, giving the kid a different look. Yugyeom always has his hair everywhere. Essentially, a mop on top of his head. But now he looks more mature. Older even.

Wrapped around his slender neck is a orange fishnet choker, which matches his fishnet gloves and tights. Hugging his body is a black latex suit that resembles a romper because it cuts off at the shoulders and on his upper thighs like shorts. A deep v-neck that ends above his small waist is threaded with thick red string that connects both sides of the v-neck like shoelace. It cages the boy’s chest from being completely exposed. The ends of the suit are frayed like someone ripped the rest of his costume off.  _ Clever. _

His arms are decorated with latex gloves that stop below his elbows like some sort of superhero. The actual hand part of the gloves are made out of fishnet but the rest of it isn’t. One big flame, similar in style to the flames on his headband, sit nicely on each glove.

And the items that bring the most attention to this costume is the belt around the waist. It reads ‘Caution: Hot!’ all around the yellow rough fabric, which cinches Yugyeom’s now noticeable waist extravagantly.

The red gothic knee-high combat boots are like two cherries on top the appealing dessert.

“I can’t get over how snatched your waist looks!” Says his best friend, still in disbelief at how extremely stunning Yugyeom looks in his custom costume. Even the dramatic makeup on the boy is art in itself. Hues of warm colors sit around his eyes enchantingly, luring you in deeper than you were before.

“Jinyoung, what do you think?” Yugyeom dares to ask, turning around to show himself off as he awaits the firefighter’s answer.

Lingering orbs painfully rip away from the dangerous fire in protest. To protect the already crumbling house from falling apart even more. To let the flames create their own path of destruction.

“I guess you look good.” Jinyoung lies.

Yugyeom smiles confidently. It’s starting to kill the older man on the inside achingly slow.

 

…

 

Hellish Beats, an event were dancing bleeds through the walls. Literally, there is fake blood splattered all over the walls in an attempt to be in the Halloween spirit. The blood is accompanied by a bunch of spiderwebs, fake plastic bugs and grotesque animals, and fog to match. The fog machine isn’t blinding Jinyoung too badly though. It’s tolerable.

And letting Yugyeom into this eighteen and older nightclub is tolerable as well. Usually.

You see Hyunwoo, BamBam’s boyfriend, works at this club as a bartender. And since BamBam is Yugyeom’s other half, Hyunwoo told the bouncer to let Yugyeom in whenever he wants to, with reason of course. Yugyeom can’t come to this club every night because then there’s a problem Hyunwoo does not want to deal with. As long as BamBam is happy, so is the bartender.

It’s as perplexing as figuring out how clocks can go backwards, BamBam and Hyunwoo’s relationship. For Jinyoung at least. Well first of all, the age gap. Hyunwoo is thirty years old while BamBam is eighteen. Even though the older man doesn’t look thirty, he is way more mature than the other. Because Hyunwoo looks so put together, humble, and not loud at all. Yugyeom’s best friend is very loud and has no filter whatsoever. Yeah Jinyoung knows that they met at this very same nightclub on BamBam’s eighteenth birthday outing. Hyunwoo and BamBam hit it off and such, but how in the world did those two start a serious relationship with one another when they’re both so different?

“I like him a lot.” Says Hyunwoo. The tiny brown bear ears on top of his darker brown hair is the best part of his costume. Alongside the bear onesie, the ears drag the most attention.

“But doesn’t he annoy you sometimes? You just seem so calm and he’s so–“

“Crazy?” Doll-like lips let a light chuckle escape them, probably from the predictability of Jinyoung’s words.  _ He must have heard people say this before. _

“He is, and that’s what I like most about him. Well, besides his lips.” Suddenly there’s a shy blush tinting his cheeks, eyes all tiny and squinty. The other man smiles fondly. “His craziness helps me become more confident in myself, because Bammie is a real confident guy and I need that in my life.”

And as Hyunwoo resumes scrubbing down the countertop, something in Jinyoung clicks. Like he now knows how a clock can go backwards, he gets it. Hyunwoo is a shy guy at nature, all soft spoken and reserved. But BamBam is the opposite, and he guesses it’s true when people say opposites attract. No matter how cheesy it is.

So Jinyoung orders a vampire’s blood, which just happens to be spiked fruit punch, simply because he can. And Hyunwoo gives him the alcoholic drink with the kindest eyes, the other man can see how BamBam started liking this guy.

Speaking of which, Yugyeom trails behind BamBam like a contrasting shadow. Taller and way more exposed than his friend. The honey pot costume BamBam designed himself is cute, in a very glamorous way. He has bold golden makeup on accessorized with some gold glitter dripping down his neck, like honey. His outfit consists of a long sleeved yellow crop top, with brown high-waisted corduroy flared pants that have white letters spelling out ‘honey’ above his crotch. White suspenders and chelsea boots seal the deal on this flamboyant costume. It suits BamBam.

And Jinyoung doesn’t miss the way Hyunwoo eyes him down as the younger boy swoops in for a chaste kiss across the bar counter. It’s automatic, the way both men meet. Like they’ve done this exchange a million times before. They most likely have.

“So I see my hunk has met Yugyeom’s hunk.” BamBam raises an eyebrow while he takes a seat in front of the bar counter. Yugyeom, the fire, freezes in his spot. Jinyoung looks away from the contradiction to throw daggers at BamBam’s smug face.

“You guys are dating?” Hyunwoo asks in the most confusing way possible, lips set in a pout.

“That’s illegal AND I’m engaged. So the answer to that question is no.” Jinyoung makes sure he is heard over the random remix being pumped through the club speakers.  _ They need to know that Yugyeom and I are not and will never be a thing. It’s just not possible. _

“Ahhh, gotcha.” Hyunwoo nods in understanding.

“They aren’t dating now but trust me babe, they’ll be all over each other soon enough.” The audacious wink Bam throws Jinyoung’s way irks every bone in his body.

“Come on Bammie, stop pressing on it. Maybe they weren’t meant for each other. Jinyoung’s engaged and Yugyeom is still young.” Tan and soft, Hyunwoo throws back a sympathetic glance his way before excusing himself to attend a customer. Surprisingly, that irks Jinyoung even more.

Yugyeom is still standing there, now taking an interest in his combat boots rather than the conversation.

“Why’d you order vampire’s blood?” The honeypot next to him asks.

“Just felt like it.” Responds the offbeat firefighter.

Jinyoung did not need to come to this, might he say, dumb Halloween party. It was all Yugyeom’s idea. The clingy kid that somehow became a part of Jinyoung’s everyday life. They see each other everyday, spending time together whenever one of them craves that basic human interaction. Oddly enough, Jinyoung just realizes how acclimated he is having this little leech around.

_ Is this how Hyungwon felt babysitting Yugyeom? _

Match lighting against the striking surface, a fire is rekindled. It travels across wood and grips hard, not letting go until both men find themselves away from the bar, somewhere on the dance floor. Different costumes surround Jinyoung in a disarray of colors, but Yugyeom’s fire burns brighter. So bright Jinyoung has to look away in danger of being burned by it.

“Look at me.” Yugyeom tugs at Jinyoung’s arm so childlike it makes the elder flinch. But that doesn’t stop the kid from grabbing his attention, because Yugyeom is closer now. So much so the tips of their shoes are bumping into one another. Too close.

“Why?” Trying his best to stay composed, Jinyoung sticks his cold hands into warm pockets and sticks his stare at some lady wearing a skimpy cat costume.  _ Don’t touch him. _

“I want you to. Even a look is good enough.” Gripping on to his shoulder with his other hand, Jinyoung feels Yugyeom squeeze. It puzzles him even more.

“I don’t seem to understand.” Upbeat music keeps on playing stubbornly, perfectly describing Yugyeom. He is just too much for the doctor to make sense of, to handle.

“You never do.” Fire licks destructively close to the firefighter’s ear. “Just look at me, that’s all i’m asking for.” He whines.

“I can’t.” Heart hammering it’s way out of his rigid chest painfully, Jinyoung closes his eyes this time. There’s no way he is going to look at Yugyeom in this context. Having him this close and confident is dangerous.

Pliable fingers run through Jinyoung’s hair persuasively, dragging down the side of his face viciously slow. Yugyeom’s hand ends up cupping Jinyoung’s cheek.

“You can. You always can.” His thumb begins to move against his skin and suddenly it’s all too overwhelming. The firefighter makes an attempt to put out the flame by pulling Yugyeom’s hand away, chest heavy from the feeling of it. Yugyeom stares at Jinyoung like he’s staring at stars.

“I’m engaged. You are seventeen. Whatever illusion you have in your head about us needs to end now.” Jinyoung keeps on staring at his destruction, not noticing the people dancing around them enthusiastically. They’re in their own little messed up world.

“You’re looking at me.” Bow-shaped lips taunt triumphantly under the indigo lights. A frosty contour sneaks on to the fiery kid’s face as he watches Jinyoung falter. Yugyeom even has the audacity to smirk.

“I’ll kick you out if you don’t stop.” The firefighter warns the younger boy away, not caring how harsh he may sound. Yugyeom has to get his mind out of whatever fantasy he made.  _ It’s all made up. _

So with that, Jinyoung turns around without looking back, walking past dancers to the stool in front of the bar Hyunwoo is currently busy at. Taking a seat with a weighted sigh, the firefighter wishes he did a better job at putting out the fire. Flames are still active in the confines of his limbs wherever fire dared to touch.

At least Hyunwoo is there to keep him company.

 

…

 

It’s nearing midnight. Dancing has become serious now. Different characters move with the rhythm flowing through them, some dancing together and some battling it out. Jinyoung is still sitting down on the stool in front of the bar. Hyunwoo is still serving drinks to customers, occasionally chatting with the withered flower that has planted itself firmly in front of him. He hasn’t served Jinyoung another drink, both aware that driving under the influence is a terrible idea.

So time ticks on. BamBam and Yugyeom are still dancing with strangers.

And if Jinyoung mentally cheers Yugyeom on during a dance battle that broke out on the dance floor, no one needs to know. Only him and his boredom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are getting a bit heated, how do you feel about it?


End file.
